Hey guys... I heard something for my ex that really made me think the other day. Now, Im not making this thread out of pity in any way. Alot of this has to do with a relationship that I'm over, there is just something I can't stop thinking about. Ok. So let me give you a brief tl;dr on the past year for me. I started dating this girl about a year ago. We really connected, and all that comes with a relationship that you don't see ending anytime soon. I had never felt something like I did for her, and that alone made me want to be the best boyfriend I could be. I find out that she's had a bad past with relationships and who she chose. I am familiar with some of the people and in short they are straight up assholes. I was fine with it because after all, it was the past. She said I opened her eyes and needed someone like me to show her how good things could be. Occasionally I would see that she was texting her ex boyfriend, and she told me not to worry. And I didn't really because I was the only one that had ever offered so much.... to me (and many) that's just the way normal relationships should be... the best it can. I was always there for her. Ok so maybe 3 months in, she cheats on me with a random guy at a small party she went to with her friends. I didn't find out until 3 more months later from her friend who was pissed off one night. During those 3 months, we really grew stronger. When I found out, I confronted her and after alot of talking it turns out it was true, but was the 'biggest mistake of her life'. There was no real reason why she did it. No alcohol either. That was shocking to me... that she should risk everything we had to have sex with someone that could not provide anything but that for the night. Our sex life was very active and great, there were no worries with that, which also mind boggled me. I was also very embarrassed that I was finding out and bring up old news. The breakup was about 6 months ago... the past 6 months have been crazy too. Basically her trying to get me back. There is just is no trust left for her. The weird thing is we still hook up once and a while... we've talked about everything there is to talk about, all the cards have been played.. that's what I had thought up until yesterday.. I was in a bad mood to begin with.. we met up to grab some lunch at pizza pizza. After some small talk, the regular convo began on how she misses me and has changed again. She also said that needs a nice guy like me. Then it hit me... I am a classic 'nice guy' whether I like it or not, I always have been. I admit it, I was giving some pretty rude comments back... not so much on purpose but just the frustration on how everything went, and could have been. She asks me why Im being such an asshole, and I told her that assholes get somewhere in life... nice guys get left behind. Not something I fully agree with, but heat of the moment. Here's the kick folks, the one thing that the person I loved the most in life told me and if making me a little crazy: Assholes get father in the short run, and nice guys in the long run. She said that when I was acting like an asshole yesterday, it was a 1 step up 2 steps down from my regular self. I asked about that, she told me that you appreciate the relationship more that way rather then becoming too used to something and taking it for granted. I think I finally got the answer to why I was cheated on. I don't really know what kind of reply I'm looking for here. Is it true? Should I change myself to fit the description of the relationship, not for her but for the future? I honestly thought I knew alot about relationships and think sort of stuff... but just this week I've come to some sort of realization. The weight of this alone is hurting me, yet alone her trying to put the pieces of a shattered relationship back together.
Don't waste her time with her. Seriously. If she wanted you, if she cared about you, if she respected you and all that jazz, then there wouldn't have been an incident which resulted in a 6-month hiatus. If she wants to bang other men, she'll do it again. Period, no maxi pad. The whole bit of her telling you that she needs a "nice guy like you"? Pure nonsense. She wants a man who will give her attention without her having/wanting/being obligated to reciprocate. That's what the issue is. The only reason she said that you were 1 step up but two down from your "regular self" is because she was used to you being the guy that she could walk over, and your brazen (and commendable) quips and insults at her during the lunch meetup caught her off guard. She expected you to be all lovey-dovey and was shocked to find that you weren't. Don't change yourself. But don't take any bullshit from women either. There are plenty of them in the world. I think there's more of them then there are men in the world anyway. Do what you want in life. You'll find women along the way who would love to go for the ride with you, even if it is for one night. ;P
I don't know man, I'd start to hate myself if I was an asshole. I hate assholes. Your friends probably hate assholes. But girls seem to love them...? Meh, not worth it.
I was just wondering the same thing. There's a guy I know, he's such an asshole now, also he's really popular for some odd reason. I chilled with him a couple times before the school year started and he was really cool. He acted fine, was funny, just plain ol chill. BUT, immediately when school started I noticed something different about him. He started becoming cocky as fuck, and he was an asshole to everyone but his main crew. The thought of whooping his ass has gone through my mind alot. Funny, every girl I know wants to be with him. But why? Is it cus he's a dick to everyone? That question seems stupid and illogical, but you hear the "nice guys finish last" phrase all the time. There's nothing special about this kid. Lol sounds like im super jealous.
I am a Nice Guy. I never finish last. I have no idea where the Assholes finish. And I don't give a fuck.
true is people, there is no rule about "nice guys finish last" or "assholes always get their way". the only difference between the nice guy and the asshole is how they life their life and the actions they take to new experiences. if you're a nice guy, you could sit back in self-pity about how you're not good enough like that asshole or you could do something about your situation and give your girl something to compare that asshole to. just like in your situation how she kept dating assholes until she was exposed to a nice guy like you that she has seen before.
i used to be an asshole. thought it was funny to fuck with people and all the girls wanted me. once i started gettin high and realizing what a douchebag i was i became the nice guy i am and haven't had a girlfriend since my last 3 year relationship which was me trying to be good to a crazy girl who eventually left me for some asshole, and another, and another until she ended up single and pregnant and resumed communication. depends what you want in life. you could put an edge on your personality and probably attract more girls but really, are those the sort of girls you want?
It's funny how often nice guys get confused with guys with no confidence and other similar qualities.
Don't be "captain save a ho", she's not worth it. She cheated on you for fun. It's alright to still hook up, but don't commit to a relationship with her and continue to get hurt. It seems like you're actually willing to change yourself for her, but she's the ASSHOLE. She's the one that needs to change to make the relationship work. One thing about NICE GUYS is that they usually get taken advantage of.
Has nothing to do with being nice or being an asshole, NO girl wants a WEAK ASS BITCH. . Problem solved I didn't read the post just the title, but this is still solid advice^
Well, let me tell you that it's more about the girl than you being a good guy. Assholes get cheated on too. =) From personal experience (and gaining maturity, empathy, consideration, etc). I have cheated in the past. No matter what I told myself (becase he was ignorring me, accussing me, whatever)- it was because I was a selfish little *itch. I was/am craving sexual activity often- the attention, the chase, the fun & games that go along with. And the cheating was just acting on it with disregard for anything othr than what I WANTED. An I've been on both sides of this cheating thing & it sucks. And I could certainly do it w/o being caught- but I KNOW. Ok, so I met a 'nice guy' (he can and is a real A-hole sometims, but in general a good guy). And I have never cheated on him. In part it's because he's a good guy & has alot to offer & I don't wish to screw that up- but more-so it's a commitment to being able to 'control myself' & not be so selfish. It came after alot of pretty bad behavior (& GREAT times- didn't wanna miss ou on experiences, ya know)- but with maturity I guess. Pretty boring, but it's not you being a good guy- don't let anyone take that from you & get all cynical. =)
It sounds like she just can't keep her legs closed. I'm a nice guy but slowly becoming what everyone considers and "asshole". I would still say I'm a nice guy but with no bullshit that's all that's the truth truth ahaha
[quote name='"jeph"']Nice guys don't get SHIT Don't let anyone tell you differently[/quote] Ehh could be true. Maybe show an "asshole" what's good by beating his ass infront of the ones that want him???
There are some awesome posts.The replies are not what I thought I'd get though... only a few think like SativaSmoker... I'm a little shocked to see that that people already have such a grasp on this 'nice guy vs asshole' concept already and have it applied to themselves while I'm just coming to a realization. TonyxMAE, if your referring to me in this case then your wrong, everything from the way I met this girl to the way we started dating required the opposite. I hold myself high, but not to a standard. I'm just more hung up on the fact that this actually seems to be a common thing and I cannot for the life of me figure it out. I guess that since I know her so well it bothers me that she thinks this way... I don't want to see her make the wrong choices because of irrational thinking. I still care in the sense that it would hurt me to see her get back into the people she used to. That's interesting... if you don't mind me asking, what was it that you actually wanted while all that was going on?