New Grower

Key
Bullets - used as indents/paragraph markers.
Blue - What I'm posting about
Green - Ranting
Red - Cutting to the chase
Bold - Extras

• I'm new to this forum and a little bit new to cannabis.
• I've read a lot of threads on here about growing and things of that nature.
• I have no experience growing bud, but I am a great carnivorous plant botanist.
• I've grown many varieties of insect-eating plants but this is the galactic overlord of plants we're talking about.
• I've only smoked a hand-full of times, partly due to the fact that I don't like mooching off of people.
• Most times I've smoked I just lingered off of friends like some symbiotic bio-organism to it's host.
• I end up not talking to my smoker friends I had before and now I'm alone in this world with no one to blaze with, which is all good!
• I ended up not talking to them because I feel like a complete asshole for cramming some bud off of them, to me, that's not cool? Sometimes I would pay them and they'd just look at me and be like, "Whaaat?" It's as if they WANT me to smoke for free.
• I think I'd be a LOT happier with some bud of my own.
• I need someone who can teach me EVERYTHING they know and that there is to know about the wonderful grass.
• I need advice on growing, rolling joints, where to get some great pipes, bowls, joint paper, bongs, anything. Talk to me as if you were teaching your only son to carry on your legacy of weed growing and smoking. I even want advice on taking hits and everything.
• Most of the bud I smoked with my friends wasn't that great, mostly mids and stuff like that. Cheap stuff in Florida.
• The best toke I had was with my uncle, he caught me toking a dime of mids that a friend had loaned me and I was shocked. I thought I was in trouble but he dropped down next to me, took the poorly-made joint, sniffed it, studied it, gave it back to me and said, "Finish it, I'll give you a surprise tomorrow." Now, I was staying the night with him and my aunt that week and I never thought of my aunt and uncle as being tokers. Anyway, so I wake up in the morning and went shopping with my aunt and shit and I came back home and my uncle told me to meet him in the back shed at 10 PM that night. I just nodded respectively.
• I walk in the backyard and I see a light on in the back shed. I continue my trudging and open the doors and I see my uncle taking a hit out of the craziest hookah I had ever seen. It was a green monster with purple clothes riding a skateboard and 4 (four) tubes running from his head. He told me to sit down and smell what was in this funnel-shaped thing on the top of the monster's head. I walked over and took a whiff. To this day I don't know what I smelled but it sent my senses on a rocket. I asked him what it was and he told me that it was a surprise and that THIS was the real dank shit and that what I smoked was nothing compared to this. He told me he grew it himself and he'd show me his children later if I'd like.
• So as I sat there looking around this shed at all the difference kinds of glasses, pipes, bongs, hookahs and other crazy paraphernalia I could only have dreamed of, he tapped my shoulder and told me I could take a hit and see how I liked it. I put one of the semi-transparent white tubes in my mouth, as did he, and he lit it up. We both sucked in as much air as we could (him taking in a lot more than me since he was a lot more experienced) and then all of a sudden, he lifted up the funnel on the monsters head and I felt all of the smoke rush into my lungs.
• Now, I can tell you, I have never hit anything like this in my life (I've only done this and mids) and I tell you... It was the craziest shit I have ever seen in my life. As soon as it got down I coughed like a motherfucker. I have asthma so I jammed my inhaler in and took a puff. I had some major watery eyes. But, within' seconds, I felt lightweight. I don't know what it was, but I looked at my uncle and something about his smile made me laugh... but I didn't just laugh, I EXPLODED with laughter. I couldn't help it! The laugh hurt my lungs and chest so bad, but I couldn't stop. I just fell out of my chair and laughed and laughed for what seemed to be 20 minutes or so. Then I just layed there and looked at the ceiling of the shed (which I noticed he had covered in sticky fake stars) and gazed at the galaxy that I wanted to be part of. After what seemed like an eternity, he took me inside to his room and opened his walk-in closet. There were no clothes, but there were lamps with light-bulbs that I had never seen before in real life, and TONS upon TONS of bins full of growing cannabis. I had never seen something so beautiful. He then took me to my aunt's room and opened her closet, he told me these were the male plants and that he separated the males and the females to stop from unwanted breeding.
• This was about 1-2 weeks ago... I tell you this story because this is my inspiration (that and all of your stories that I've read). All I'm asking is that someone mentors me, teaches me their ways. Anyway, here is a list of what I need to know.

-EVERYTHING
-Where to get seeds
-Where to get things to smoke with
-Best way to smoke/How to smoke
-How to grow
-How to get supplies to grow
-Where to get information
-What information I need to search.
-Weed/Ganja/Pot/Dank terms
-I am COMPLETELY new, so be specific!

• Hopefully this won't only help me, but maybe I will learn my own stuff in-time too that I can share with you all! I'm not looking to sell, only to provide my growing interest and hunger to smoke this plant.
• If you need any information from me, just ask it here or message me. I prefer e-mail or messages to my inbox on here, but replies to the topic would also help.

Thanks in advance,
KingTroll, the new toker.
P.S. Reference to this post for inspiring me beyond belief! INSPIRATION​

 

P.S. Sorry if this is a little complicated or sounds like I need a miracle-worker.
But I just can't help it, MaryJane just keeps trying to get me in her loving embrace.
I'm just a curious guy who wants to love her back.

 

Sounds good, I was just hoping some advice on getting started.
Like places to get research and stuff like that.
I got a library across the street which could help.
It's my city's library actually.

 

You'd be surprised what is in my library... sex manuals, history of drugs, history of alcohol, encyclopedias on various paraphernalia, a picture book showing the history of jails shanks? There has to be something about weed?

 

Thanks! I get free Netflix movies from my uncle's friend that I've known since birth surprisingly aha.

 

I could ask my uncle? I don't spend THAT much time with him, but he's a cool guy. And like I said, I don't want to mooch off of him. I already bummed some great dank from him that one weekend and I felt bad days later for using his magic shit I didn't even know existed...
Another thing, I'm almost completely positive he breeds. But, maybe asking him for some seeds is a good idea? Plus, if he's as nice as he was that one weekend, maybe I could get something better than just mids. Something stronger, more potent.
I never really thought of my uncle as a source, I never even knew he toked before that weekend either.

 

I'm actually calling him right now. Him and I are a lot a like and maybe his technique will fit me perfectly. I'll tell you how it goes!

 

Aight, so my uncle is officially my savior... my parents are at work and he decided to come over to bring me some seeds and toke with me. He says he would even teach me how to grow from my closet or inside my dresser without getting caught! He's heading over right now so I'm gonna' go make some food and shit to chill with him.