Hello, I'm back in the city after a long hiatus. Let me start off by saying that for the past 6 years I've had some great times with the herb. Learning about the plant, it's history, how to cultivate, and everything in between. I've had some of the best times of my life while I was high, but it wasn't until recently I realized how much I subconsciously "needed" it. Not to the point where I was scratching my neck for a fix, but honestly I smoked more than a regular person should. Seeing as how I live with my dad in a 2 bedroom townhouse, and barely bring in enough to help out with finances, I realized something's gotta change. My parents finally got divorced a little over a year ago, but they'd been separated for around 3 years. When I was younger, my mom worked in a hospital radiation office for a couple years , but went on disability after a really bad stomach ulcer. All the disability money after that went to her prescriptions. And living expenses such as food and utilities, were coming out of a shared bank account between my parents that my dad funded. Most times, the money was always gone before my dad had a chance to save any. So once they split up, my mom hit him with child support until I was 18, and of course alimony. So again, my dad wasn't able to save anything. My mom said she couldn't take living with me so I moved in with my dad full time. Until recently my mom hit my dad with even MORE alimony, so he had to use the 2500 that he was finally able to put back, on an attorney. And is now pulling money out of his retirement fund just to make ends meet. It's hard for me because I love both of my parents. But being an only child, I can't help but feel like I'm always going to be on one side or the other, not by choice. So recently recently I've decided that my parents will never be able to get out of their rut, until I get out of my own. I'm done smoking daily and not living up to my full potential, I recently applied to community college and am looking for a new job every day. Once I am in school, working full time, and start saving up to move out on my own, I will be able to smoke without feeling guilty each time I am high. It eats at me as if I don't deserve this herb when there are other more important things to attend to. I have many ambitions in life, and it's time to make them a reality NOW. Life doesn't wait for any of us. I've lost too many acquaintances and old friends from school to wait and line and be next. All things that could have been prevented. Anyway, if anybody else has a story about being in a deep rut, overcoming the obstacles and getting yourself out, feel free to share as it will motivate me even more.