Neighbor thread

My old neighbours: 'reformed' heroin addicts pretending to be sisters so as to prevent members of the evangelical church that they attend from finding out that... they're... actually LESBIANS.

Yes.

EDIT: And yes, they called the police on us several times, as well as sent us Christian propaganda in the mail and circled the block in their minivan while staring us down.

Whack.

 

My neighbors are loud and like to come in my berthing drunk off their ass every night

 

At my old house in a development my neighbor was cool as fuck. Our bedroom widows were right across from each other and once In a while I'd open it to have a few rips and wed see each other I'd pass my bong across the gap and we'd chat and smoke for a few hours. Miss that guy lol

 

at my first apartment me and my brother smoked tons of weed but we were kinda sketched about our neighbor finding out, he lived like 1ft away from our door.

anyways we lived there for like a month then one night around 9pm we hear a knock at our door. open the door and its our neighbor(guy about 30 yo). he holds up a joint and is like " hey you guys wanna smoke a joint?". so of course we are like hell ya come on in, we proceed to get super stoned and talk for hours. turns out he was a history teacher at the highschool a town over. he was a total badass, he would come home from the bar drunk all the time and just chill with us.

twas a awesome 6 months living in that apartment, he moved out about the same time we did and he moved to africa to teach rich kids. talk about an awesome dude.

 

^ I want a neighbour to smoke with. That's awesome.

 

My current neighbor is probably the best neighbor I've ever had.

I live in the boonies...4 miles of gravel before I'm even on pavement and I figured most people out here would be slack jawed yokels, but my nearest neighbor is fucking awesome.
The dude is 72 and a retired English professor. A few months after we moved in I was walking around the woods checking out the scene for some outdoor "projects" and I see this unmistakeable plant sitting in a pot in a wheelbarrow on the edge of our property line and it's literally like Ode to Joy goes off in my head seeing my neighbors horticultural pursuits. That plant was looking something horrible but it turns out his wife would only let him keep one plant in the veggie garden and he put this dieing one in the woods and pretty much let it be.


About a month after seeing his plant in the woods he comes over to ask if I've got any oil mix he can borrow for his weed eater (I do) and it being a glorious Saturday afternoon in September I ask if he'd like a beer before going back to his yard work. "Hell yeah." So we're standing around drinking beer in my carport, still feeling each other out a bit-making the small talk that men do when they're still unsure whether they like or trust the other, but we're both pot heads and conversation eventually steers toward some sort of recent political weed topic. I know he's growing but I don't want to just blurt it out and we start doing the pot dance I've done so many times with new aquaintances or coworkers where we're both pretty sure the other dude tokes, but don't want to be the first one to say it...like... "You down?" "Yeah I'm down." "Like down down?" "Yeah man, I'm totally down." Funny now thinking back on it. This dude's old enough to be my grandpa and yet we're still following the same conversational etiquette regarding the topic.


He just comes out and says he likes to toke up after I rambled off something about how personal freedom should be unrestricted in a responsible society. Now at this point I'm thinking..."dude with some online genetics and a bit of luck we are going to grow fucking monsters out here and be tits deep in organic bud!" I still didn't know about the massive bush he was currently growing in his back garden and he doesn't tell me about it till about a month later. I offered him some weed but he said he had some and his wife didn't like him getting stoned in the middle of the day cause he's liable to mow half the yard and forget the rest. He leaves and I swear it's like some cheesy pop radio bromance song started playing as I'm so happy to have met an educated like minded stoner who is at least trying to grow. I go inside and I'm all giddy telling my wife how our 67 year old neighbor is totally down and immediately get on the net to shop seeds for next summer.


A couple weeks later they invited us over to watch football and eat some dinner. Wife and I get there and there's still some newness to our neighborallity so we're all being polite drinking our beers, still a bit awkward with each other, doing the human dance. Till my neighbor is like..."hey there's something in the garage we should check out." And I just kind of looked at his wife-like, is it cool with her?...like I was asking permission from my own grandmother to go get baked in the garage... My expression must have been obvious cause she just laughed a bit and said that while she did not smoke, she knew it made him happy and saw little harm in it. So me wife and neighbor pad off to the garage for the next twenty minutes to smoke his pipe. At the end of the night wife and I a fixing to leave and neighbor asks if I have any weed and I say "sure...you need some?" He just turns and gets this Folgers coffee can (the one that's a little bigger than a Foster's beer can) out of the freezer in his garage and hands it to me saying to check it out when I get home...man I'm fucking pumped, half drunk and with a big fucking can of what I think is most likely going to be weed...these are the coolest fucking old people ever.


Wife and I get home and I'm instantly getting into that can. Inside is a walmart plastic bag stuffed...literally stuffed-like when I pulled it out it retained the firm cylindrical shape of the coffee can-with weed. Ode to Joy again rising in my cerebral...In all honesty it looked like the dude only trimmed the sun leaves before drying it and it was definitely at least three weeks premature but it had a nice little skunk to it and was sticky with airy buds...somewhere around high mids, but a good ways from commercial dank-later found out it was White Widow from his back garden that his wife got really nervous about because as she eventually told us was as big as a vw.


Man I must be high I just read all that lol...long story abrupt conclusion...me and neighbor been growing together the last five years with good success-he loves the hash we make out of the trim...says it takes him back to the 50's (the fucking 50's yo) when he smoked mad hash in Egypt where he was teaching in Cairo. His wife is a semi-retired accountant who does our taxes too which is no small feat as I'm a small business owner and taxes fucking suck. His name is carl and I built him a barn, he is a very good friend of mine.

tl;dr I fucking love my neighbors

 

Your life is awesome sir^^^^

 

All of our neighbors have been loud muther phukers...we have not been lucky with noise level...but they all keep to themselves and so do we, so it works out

 

All my neighbors are really cool, with the exception of one. They live behind and below me in a small house, Mexicans or Hawaiians not sure really but their skin is a little lighter than mine so was just guessing, very poor English skills (not they can't speak it but more of a they rather speak like gangsters) and they have five kids who also speak this gangster language. The father is a self proclaimed "Strait G" at 5'5" and 130LBS, the mother is a lazy baby factory. Their oldest kid is like 10, he is little bitch like his father. Like all future prisoners they set up a basketball hoop in the grass (which is now dirt) and the kid and his poverty stricken friends play ball. Not a problem under normal situations, buu they are constantly throwing their ball over the fence. Now for a little background the fence is a 8 foot privacy fence on a hill, the basketball hoops backboard is about 200 feet away from the fence and about 30' lower than the fence. The first couple times I would grab their ball and chuck it over the fence, the fourth time that day I told the kids to be a bit more careful cause if I am not outside my dog will pop their ball (he has flat basketballs and footballs he plays with). To which his bitch ass responds, "if he does you will buy me a new one or my dad will beat you up." My dog has popped three balls of theirs and I chucked them back over the fence. Their dad did not come beat me up but instead gave his kids some verbal abuse. Which he does out side every day it is not raining. Now the bitch ass father is quite the piece of shit. This fuck gets home from work and heads out back to start miller time. This daily event starts at about 5pm and goes til he can barely stumble the 4' to his back door. He makes his 6-7 year old daughter bring him beers, this he does by shaking his empties at her. He treats his little girl like shit, I have seen her struggling with a full sized lawn mower while her brothers play. Then when the mower stalls in the long grass the father gets pissed and yells at her because he has to get out of his chair to start the mower again because she is not strong enough to pull the cord. Then the weekend comes His weekend starts Thursday night and ends late Sunday night Monday morning. He then has either his friends or family over getting super loud til all hours of the night. No joke I had to run my brother to the airport once and they were still out partying at 4:00AM. All the neighbors call the cops on them every weekend, they hide their dope and stay quite for like 30 mins then start back up again. On Saturdays they start it back up by noon. They literally go all weekend. This is the only time their kids really seem happy cause they turn them loose on the area as daddy will be too drunk to attend to them. Now on to the mother, aside from pumping out kids her other duties include eating everything in site and bitching. She is massive, at a guess 5' even and 300LBS. I have never seen her without food in her hand, she only goes outside on weekends when they are partying and on occasion I have seen her spread out what I believe is a tarp and proceeds to get her bigness all over the yard. She is one of those fat girls that "knows they look good" which sparked her man to actually say something to me when me and my buddies heard her say it and started laughing, no worries he just made idol threats puffed out his bird chest then drank away the memory of it. Well to cut this a bit shorter I will give the short version their entire family is a steaming pile of shit and will never amount to anything. It also pleases me that after talking to the home owner he is throwing them out when their lease is up (6 more months). As a going away present I might smear shit all over the windshield of their car, on second though maybe not I would hate to up the resale value of their car.

Ahhhh venting a bit felt good.

 

I know my neighbor blazes, whenever nobody else is home in his house i can smell bud, he's like 50 though, have no real intention of smoking with him, guys intimidating

 

I live in a housing Co-op and my neighbor is a creep, he's about 35-40. He stalked and took pictures of the lady and her 2 little girls who lived in the suite I'm living in now to the point where she moved away and will not come back even to pick up mail. He has been caught staring in our windows multiple times and has an obsessive thing about other peoples lawns and back yards. He watches the little kids play in the front through his kitchen window (there's a picnic table for people to chill that he moves so he can get a better view). He's been caught taking pictures of my sister and her friend and even peeped on my mom suntanning once last summer. If you leave a window open he looks into the house. He's filed complaints on us for having too many leafs in the backyard during fall (all of the housing units are connect and fenced off so leafs gather in your yard) and would even spray the dog shit in our backyard till its was basically soggy and then pound on our door bitching about the smell.

On my way to the corner store on day he followed me on his bike and then followed me home. I had to return library books one day (a 5 block walk) and he followed me there as well, keeping about a 40 yard distance on his bike. He's even followed my sister around.

To prevent him from looking in our yard (this JUST happened) we put up a board against the fence, not 30 mins later he pushes it over with a stick, so I put it back and put a spare tire against the board and left it. I wake up the next morning (today) and it's knocked over, this pissed me off so I put 2 spare tires, and a iron bar and wedged the board so he couldn't use his stick to push it over. So, I sitting in my living room watching 50/50 and I heard a loud crash in my back yard, followed by another, I look out the window and see the board and everything I used to hold it against the fence scattered across my yard and him, standing in his yard hiding against the corner of his house with a 2x4 sticking into our yard. So my sister, being the person she is, goes out and tell him to leave our property alone and stop this stupid shit with our yard, that he is constantly causing trouble for no reason. I stood at the doorway to keep and eye on her and he then proceeds to insult my sister, myself and my dad and claims were the problem.
This pushed my sister over the edge and she raised he voice and confronted him about him creeping looking in our windows, taking pictures of her and the kids in the other suites. That is when his face dropped and he freaked out and screamed "were done her were done! I'm going to the head office and filing a complaint, and power walked away so fast you would swear he ran.

That's the neighbor I deal with.

 

and a band to the boogie with the boogie to the rithm it be...........

 

I had a couple really crappy neighbors back when I lived in Detroit. Their kids would come over and tie ropes around my dogs neck, get into my mailbox, try to break into my house or smash windows. No amount of talking to the parents helped so eventually I started calling the cops on the kids (something I don't like doing in the first place).
When that didn't seem to work, hubs and I devised a plan of attack, simulated a huge fight between him and I when we knew they were in our backyard.
We made it look like we were fighting bad, and then hubs pulls out a knife and pretends to stab me to death. Then later, drags some trash bags out to the road leaving a trail of fake blood.
Best part was that we were moving, so I hid for a couple days and then we moved away. Who knows if they believed it or not, but the memory brings me glee.

 

When I was a little kid: My neighbor was also my doctor so he would check up on me on weekends, see how I was doing, and if I got sick he made house calls. He was a good guy.
Teenager: An old ass man who called the cops on me multiple times for stealing (never stole shit) and then Indians. Their house reeked of curry and so did they.
Now: Below me the guy is paranoid, angry, and answers the door with his shotgun, across from me is a couple who had to move out of their house because the wife's parents had been paying 25% of the rent on the house but then a huge family fight happened so they stopped paying, and above me is a college kid who asks if I smoke everyday (I lie and say no).

 

[quote name='"stupidstoner"']When I was a little kid: My neighbor was also my doctor so he would check up on me on weekends, see how I was doing, and if I got sick he made house calls. He was a good guy.
Teenager: An old ass man who called the cops on me multiple times for stealing (never stole shit) and then Indians. Their house reeked of curry and so did they.
Now: Below me the guy is paranoid, angry, and answers the door with his shotgun, across from me is a couple who had to move out of their house because the wife's parents had been paying 25% of the rent on the house but then a huge family fight happened so they stopped paying, and above me is a college kid who asks if I smoke everyday (I lie and say no).[/quote]

Why do you lie to him good sir ?

 

Because I don't want to become friendly with a person I see almost daily on the basis of smoking. It doesn't make for a healthy friendship.

 

[quote name='"stupidstoner"']

Because I don't want to become friendly with a person I see almost daily on the basis of smoking. It doesn't make for a healthy friendship.[/quote]

Fair enough stone man :gone:

 

my neighbors a cop hes kinda a dick, but his kid has cancer so im not gonna hate on him. he pretty much minds his own business for the most part. my other neighbors are rednecks they got a big ass rebel flag on the side of their house lol. theyre chill