I know there are a bunch of threads like this here on GC right now, but I figured whats one more? I don't even know where to begin. Okay.. I've got pretty much everything I need in my life. I've got a house that I am paying a mortgage on, I've got a new car, I've got the perfect wife and my first child on the way and I'm in my late 20s. By nature, I worry about everything. I think too much about everything and read too far into things. I have mild cerebral palsy which has over the course of my life made me more self-conscious. I have not been officially diagnosed with any learning disabilities or anything like that, but I have my share of issues. For example, I have difficulty communicating my ideas effectively to others in a way that flows and makes sense. Online (like right now) I'm able to edit before I "submit" my thoughts, but even then my thoughts are all over the place. In real life, it's even more difficult. It's not like my mind races or anything, I am not easily distracted. I just don't know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. Between 3 jobs, I work about 45 - 60 hours a week and most of my days start at 5:30am (working split shifts), getting a FULL day off is sometimes difficult to do. With this schedule, I just don't feel like I am getting anywhere with my life. I'm too tired to do anything else, but to sleep and waste my life here online. I don't have any friends in real life but I get along with most everyone I meet, I'm easy going, and polite but I still don't know how to properly have a conversation with someone. Aside from "Hi, how are you?" and "Have a great day/ Goodbye" I just don't know what to say or how to say it. I find myself listening 99% of the time and speaking 1% of the time. When people try to talk to me, they'll ask me something, I'll reply and then that will ll be it, unless they continue with another question. I just get stuck and I don't know what to say. Cue awkward silence, then they continue talking to someone else. As you can imagine, this makes it extremely tough for me to form relationships. I just have no clue. I feel so disconnected from people. What do I do for fun? Nothing. Do I play sports? No, I don't feel comfortable (see disability) Did I see the hockey game last night? No, I don't find that interesting. There are few things that I do. Say they'll tell me about a new dog they just got. That's great.... new dog... since I know nothing about dogs, other than they have four legs, bark, eat, drink, sleep and play fetch, or yeah and they have different physical characteristics -- what am I supposed to say? My dad is bi-polar among other things, depression runs big time in my family and I just feel like I'm stuck. I listen to the radio and hear the announcers talk about news, or entertainment and I find myself thinking "So what, Big deal, who cares if some-actress has broken up with so and so"? I'm stuck in a selfish, depressed, and tired state. Of course the answer naturally would be, get some rest, chin up, and get outside and help someone. But how do I help someone if I can't even talk to them?? My wife and I were joking one day about cheating and I said "you don't have to worry about me cheating on you, I can't make a friend let-alone a girlfriend!" In terms of serious relationships I can put on one hand, the number I've had in my life and they all began online (always crossing into real-life relationships that have sometimes taken me out of country). I work to pay the bills, I always worry about money and this is my life. I do not know what to do. I don't go to bars (I don't drink or smoke cigarettes -- only marijuana) Anyways.. any constructive help would be appreciated. Of course this is a free forum and you can say whatever you want, but please note that I don't find immature teenage comments like "your life sucks" or "cool story bro" constructive. This is serious to me and I hope you will take it seriously as well.
look man, everyone is a little awkward...some more than others. You just need to have a normal conversation. Speak what is on your mind, learn to ask questions. Even if you know nothing about dogs you can still ask basic questions like "what kind" "how old" "where did you get it" "is it friendly". And then add in your own little input like "thats nice, i never had a dog" or anything. And soon it will become easier if you just practice talking to people. Even if you don't drink, maybe you should go to a bar and have a couple and just try talking to people for practice. Its not that hard after you drank a little confidence juice. And then if you practice enough it will some become much easier to talk to people. And hey, you say you don't have any friends so your starting from scratch, so don't worry what others think about you. Hope i helped at least a little...try to stay out of your head man
...I try to find things "in common" to converse about, learn to express your opinion...you can smile/laugh and say anything. I am also an introvert. ...it takes all kinds of personalities to make up this world, how bored would we be if everyone was the same? The hardest thing to define in psychology is "normal"...there is no such thing as normal in human behavior, only what we see most commonly. Introverts hold a place in society...but, the MJ we're smoking doesn't help with the whole "antisocial" thing....
Try meditation bro to focus your mind. Your in control of your thoughts, don't let your mind control your thoughts. YOU have that control. Also, if your thoughts are overwhelming and all scatter-brained try taking deep breaths and focus on where you started. In addition, do anything you can at that time to take your mind off of your thoughts and do whatever you can to take your mind off of it. Play basketball, listen to music, smoke, talk to girls, go to the mall, drive on the freeway. Just dont let your mind control you. You have the power. I listen to music almost 24/7 to take my mind off of things, the only time its off is when im meditating. Good luck and you can and will get through this
Also, I use to be in the same boat as you. Not able to express my thoughts, feelings, depressed. Couldn't talk to people or so I thought. One day I just said FUCK IT. I'm going to act however I want to act because what people say doesn't have to affect me. I can control how I feel and I can control my feelings/thoughts, what other people say has no input. Also, the more you practice conversing with people the easier it gets. The beginning is the hard but once you realize people don't give a shit how you act, it becomes a lot easier. Most people are honestly afraid of what YOU think of THEM. I bet 99% of people aren't even judging you. It's all in your head bro. Be true to yourself and who you are, and good things will come.Never change yourself for anyone. Fuck what anyone else thinks. This is your life bro, no one else's so live it however you want.
Man, I've found worrying about shit in your life isn't worth while, what ever happens is going to happen. shit I've been arrested 5 times in the last year for bull shit involving weed, I've never sold it I just smoke it, have to pay 2000 in fines, but what ever man lifes life rite? I admit it must suck to have to work 3 jobs to pay bills. And of course having a wife and a kid is a big responsibility and would be stress full. But if you're a weed smoker there's one thing you should never have to worry about! Which is making new friends with people, weed is a social drug, utilize this to your advantage, go out and chill in a park or something, if you see people who look like they might smoke up, offer to smoke them up. easy question, Hey man, Do you smoke weed? Works for me, I've met some of my best friends this way. If you're polite and courteous it isn't like people will dislike you. Often times I don't give a shit about all that popular culture bull shit some actress being a retard or what ever, that isn't important. You must have interests. If you can listen to others interests it isn't like they wont listen to yours, Often times my friends talk about shit which I have no idea, talking bout some actor or some movie or T.V show which I've never heard of or would ever bother watching, it's not important, it's not like you don't have your own opinions about stuff. Talk about weed if they also smoke, a common interest of people who smoke and people tend to be fairly knowledgeable and have experiences to tell. There's always something.
Yeah most of the time I feel like I dont have much in common with the majority of people I come across, but feelings arent facts and most of the time I find myself wrong. Nevertheless, having things in common with another person doesnt mean anything when most humans are dumb and annoying by nature, so I'm not very quick to warm up to people just based on that.