I have been avoiding a lot in my life and before I would smoke and it would make me creative and give me insights on helping with my issues. Instead of doing anything with those insights I would just keep toking and imagining a perfect world while not changing what I know needs to be changed. Now whenever I toke its just awful since I know everything I need to do to improve my life, I end up bad buzzing. I want to change, I even have goals written out! But I'm extremely insecure about how skinny I am. I feel like no one takes me seriously because I'm 6'0 150lb no muscle definition at all, if you have a 13 year old sister she's probably bigger then me. At times I want to cry but can't at times I'm extremely upset and want to fight so people take me seriously but I only play it out in my head. So my life revolves around weed, I stay in bed until 5pm, most likely won't shower or take care of myself unless I work, then smoke, followed by staring at the mirror insulting myself calling myself a little bitch and a pussy for being so scrawny then go to sleep and repeat. My friends are wondering why I don't hang out as often but I just can't tell them. Since its getting warmer I don't think I'm ever going to leave the house since I can't wear a hoody and jacket to cover up I'm thinking about quitting my job to avoid going out, my coworkers have never seen me without a hoody. I'm so fucking scared about my life right now and weed isn't showing any sympathy anymore. I have big dreams and goals but my fucking body is ruining my life. When I go to sleep and dream I feel free with no worries I love when I dream that I'm buff I feel invincible until when I wake up though and look down all of that goes away and I'm depressed and angry. I want to love myself but can't. I want to go to the gym but I'm scared of leaving my house. The only thing stopping me from living my dream life is my body...
You can work out at home for free. Internet is also a 'free' coach. If ya wanna bulk up check out a nutritional store, they ofter have lots of supplements, weight gainers, and meal replacements that are great for anyone. Edit : A good personal trainer may be ideal but I wouldn't waste money on that.
I have been doing that gains haven't been amazing, then again neither is a diet of just two hamburgers a day everyday. I should really focus on working out though since it will change my life. Is being this insecure about my body normal? There's times when I think its fucking silly for a second but then I go back to worrying about it.
Honestly its very silly there are a shitload of people on the earth and I will bet there are some ugly ass people. I am sure you look fine and should go out and live life. Go hang put with your friends, have a good time and you will want to go out more. Really I feel like you are over reacting.
Well we can all see what the problem is.. Nd even u know it. But how much does being scrawny really matter? Your obviously looking for love.. That's the only reason to be bitching about how you look. I mean when I meet any friends that are guys I give zero fucks about appearance.. Your a dude I ain't gonna date you so y would I care. Starting to work out can be difficult at times but regardless you HAVE TO if u want to change anything. You yourself have addressed the problem yet your too damn lazy to do something about it instead you go off and dream. Make it reality! Another thing is that you should be grateful for what you do have. Your 6 feet that's great, bitches love tall dudes, you have a job! Bitches love money. Do you have your own place?, a car? nice teeth? Hairless in the sexual regions? Haha. I ask some of these cus I'm a scrawny dude too. I've probably worked out like 10 times my whole life! I've gradually began to work out nd I feel u about gyms cus bench pressing with my twig arms looks pretty damn funny. I'm just working out at home till I look good enough. I'm not very tall either but I do know the things I have, like my straight white teeth, nd I know I'm funny ass fuck, plus I got a job.. So I try to be as confident as possible.