Need a little help (first grow)

So, i understand its late to grow, but i wanna try. If i mess up i don't really care cuz its so late, but i'd like to learn how to before i need to seriusly start growing.

I plan on growing in some woods. Its a lil dark, and a lil wet. should i chop down some trees to allow more light?

Once i get to the point where i can water it, how much water do i need to give it (2X a day??)

Is distilled water best? Should i boil my tap watter? What kinda soil should i get? Im not sure on how big the pot size must be.

Can i change the sex of my plant, increase odds of female?
should i let the male pollunate on the female?? Is miracle grow any good?


thnx for helping me out.

 

i already stated i kno its late in the season but i dont care i wanna see if i can grow a succseful plant (dont really care about harvesting atm)