Hey, I'm a new member, and i wasn't sure where to post this... this isn't an introduction really, more of a dilemma, though some introduction is necessary. Allow me to explain. I'm 24, I've been married for about two years, and I haven't smoked since before I got married. My wife knew that I smoked when we were just friends, and a little while after we started dating, she told me basically that she would prefer it if I quit, because she didn't want to be with a marijuana user. After that I'd smoke maybe once or twice a month, you know... I figured what she didn't know couldn't hurt her. When we got engaged, I decided that I might as well give it up, since she's a great woman, really relaxed and laid back (when it comes to everything else, haha), and I figured that it would be much more difficult to get away with it when we were married and living together. So that was a couple years ago, and I haven't touched it since then, but for the past few weeks, I've been thinking about how nice it would be to be able to light up again. At this point, like I said, it would be pretty difficult to go behind her back and do it, and I don't want to do that anyway, I want to be honest about it, because in all reality, it isn't something that should be a big deal, if you ask me! I've tried to talk to her about it a couple times... it doesn't seem like I'm getting anywhere, and I'm having trouble understanding her reasoning for being so set against it. That's all I've been trying to figure out, is exactly why she is so against the idea of being with someone who is a smoker, so that I can use that knowledge to offer a different perspective, you know? But I'm having trouble getting a proper answer from her, and it seems like she doesn't have her facts straight at all. She keeps telling me about one of her ex-boyfriends from way back before she met me, who smoked pot one time and was "vacant" for several months afterwards. So it's pretty obvious that her perspective here is skewed, and she doesn't understand the facts. I just want a little bit of advice, I mean... because I don't know what the hell to do or say to get her to consider that smoking marijuana on occasion isn't a such a horrible thing, the way she was taught... Ideas?
www.erowid.com i dont know its kind of hard to tell someone the effects of MJ if they havent used it before... but if she was kinda with you when you did it, she should know how you turned out to be a goood husband and all. Just keep talking to her about it. Good Luck
Good for you for wanting to be honest about it! I'm not really sure what you can do if she won't have a discussion with you about it. How have you been bringing up the subject?
Well, a couple weeks ago I stopped by and hung out with an old friend of mine who I hadn't seen in awhile... she knows that he smokes, so she asked me about it later, I told her that I didn't, and I asked her what she thought was so bad about it, which was when she told me the story about her ex-boyfriend, you know, "you're a really smart guy, I wouldn't want to know that your thinking has been slowed down, I wouldn't want you to just sit around on the couch all the time, and I know that's what would happen." So I sat down with her, tried to dispel some of those myths that she's heard about, you know. It seems she's afraid that it would turn me into some kind of deadbeat asshole, that I wouldn't do anything, I'd get fired from my job and end up sitting on the couch 24/7 collecting dust. She told me that she decided a long time ago (presumably when she was with the previously mentioned ex) that she would never use it herself, or be with anyone who does. It's certainly fine with me if she doesn't want to do it herself (although it would be an excellent thing for us to do together!), and I'm not going to ask her to do that if she doesn't want to. I'm just having trouble getting through to her, getting her to realize that it's not such a terrible thing, right? She ends up just changing the subject on me, so I know that the topic is making her uncomfortable... and I don't want to end up having some kind of ridiculous argument.
Sounds like so far your doing the right thing, talking about it, its better than trying to hide something in a marrige, I would just keep doing what your doing and try to show her that marijuana is actually harmless. Also I would take a look at this: http://www.nirvana-shop.com/untoldstory/hemp_6.html Hopefully everything work out well for you, but if she is totally against it no matter what its something your going to have to work with. -peace
What I would do is this--ask her if you can do a trial so you can prove to her that it won't turn you into a deadbeat. Ask her for just two weeks--just two weeks to let you smoke as you will, as often as you want. (Don't let her know when you're high though, or else she'll judge your actions more harshly. ) If she can notice a difference in how you act without even knowing when you're getting high ahead of time and she doesn't like it, then you can give it up. Show her an example of how you handle MJ. Show her how responsible you can be
I just had an idea, maybe it's stupid, I dunno. But let her hold on to the weed, or otherwise control the amount, for a short period. That way she feels like she has some control (even though you could easily go out and buy more, but you wouldn't want to do that to her I suppose) and once she sees that you don't turn into a potato I doubt she'll want to be bothered to hold on to your stash. Dunno, maybe it's a bad idea to give someone else that much control, who knows. I am not married
That sounds like a mighty fine idea. Thanks! I think that might be the thing to do, as well as sitting down and looking at those websites with her. I don't really think it'd be that great of an idea to give her control of the stash though, as someone else mentioned... because I don't want to turn this situation into a "control" thing, you know what I mean? Hell, when she initially told me she didn't want me to smoke, I was afraid that's what she was going to try to turn it into. I thought, "oh, great. is she telling me don't smoke or else? is this a control issue?" But that wasn't it, she was just against the idea, is all. And even though I know now that our marriage isn't about who has control, I'd rather not do something that might mess that up (like giving her control of my stash).
The trial period sounds like a really good plan. Just make sure she knows that she'll always come first in your life. No girl wants to get pushed aside because of a plant.
yea, the way to about it is definatly not dishonesty, props for that. I mean there is no harm in arguring and whatnot, but when butter comes to paper (?, drunk) i would give up all drugs for my women.
Have you openly asked her if it's just the smoking aspects of it? Would she have a problem with you eating it or vaporizing it? Eating it is the safest method with vaporizing being close to smoking yet still at least 60% safer then smoking (the lower the temp and the better the bud the less risk you have of getting any oils or other non-thc stuffs) so unless she has some major objection to how you acted in the past stoned in her presence I can't really see any other negative other then the smell the risk because of the smell and the cost to your health...plus maybe she doesn't like kissing an ash mouth? Hopefully it's just a health thing...if so grab a few boxes of turkey sized oven bags a baggie of rubberbands one inspector vapors vapor bowl and a craftsman heat gun. And a screen for the bowl... The craftsman cost 99 bucks they only sell 2 models and you want the variable temp w/ thermocouple The bowl is like 30 or so and you can probably pick any size as this design doesn't use a bong before hand All you do is rubber band the oven bag closed then fit the 9mm (or any other that isn't ground joint) bowl into the deflated bag then toss the screen in pack the bowl set the heatgun to 4.2 or so then let it heat for about 20 seconds shut it down insert it into the bowl fire it back up holding the rig straight up an down or on a slight slant as it fills with misty milky vapor...once it starts getting full drop it to the cool setting till it's almost packed stop it At this point you'll need to restart the heatgun till the temp drops just to be safe Now all you gotta do is yank the bowl put a downstem or small bowl into the bag attach it to your bong an hit it like crazy.. If she joins in...expect some really hyperactive bedroom activity.. So for 130 you can create a forced air vaporizer thats like the volcano without the ease of use.
I also agree with Hempress on trying to continue as openly as possible. However, it sounds like you've got quite the uphill battle ahead of you. It sounds like the control issues could come into play. I was a regular smoker before getting married and I voluntarily gave it up when we got engaged...part of me wanted to make sure that I had the willpower to live happily without weed...after several years, I'd just get high once or twice a year when I was out of town with my buddies. It was sneaking, but I don't have any moral issues about getting high, I believe that all adults should have the right to do so responsibly. One time I told her that I did it and it wasn't a big blowout. Now, she's finally come around and will smoke with me on occassion, but doesn't hassle me about it, as long as I'm discrete. Bottom line, I applaud you for trying to work it out with her. It can be a MAJOR issue in many relationships. At the end of the day, you've both got to decide where your priorities are, how you can learn to accept the other as they are and still remain true to yourself. Good Luck!