My story going back to early 90s. First post.

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by dmike, Jun 30, 2013.

  1. \tHello everyone, my friends call me dmike. Please do the same.
    \tI currently reside in Colorado and just recently became re-acquainted with marijuana. I figured I'd share my history with marijuana for my own personal reasons, and I'm also hoping my story can give some insight to others or at least provide bits that can be related to by fellow forum members.

    \tWhen I was 16 I was hospitalized for depression. The depression was very severe, but even worse was the panic attacks. Bear in mind that this was back in 1989 so the diagnostic criteria and understanding of panic attacks was not well understood or accepted within the medical community.

    \tLong story short, I was hospitalized for a short time, saw many doctors that tried different drugs (although never was given anything for anxiety, mostly antidepressants like imipramine and amitriptyline), and basically found no relief. My depression did get better, but the anxiety stayed the same. Back then, this didn't make much sense to the doctors because the thinking at the time was that anxiety was a symptom of depression, and not really seen as a standalone disorder. Therefore, they thought, treat the depression and you treat the anxiety. Wrong.

    \tAt some point I was back home with parents, out of school because of the issue, and just sitting at home. I had no job, friends, was not on any medication or drugs... I just sat there all day. Things got bad enough to the point where I decided to go ahead and end my life. So, I left my house on my bicycle for that purpose.

    \tHowever, on the way out, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile who was all too excited to run into me again. Of course I was at the lowest point in my life, and this guy was just so happy to see me. It was the first time I had a positive human interaction in a long time. He invited me to a party he was going to and I went.

    \tWithout giving too much detail, I stayed the night at the party, and the next day was the first time I tried marijuana. At first I began to feel anxiety and panic when the effects set in. Bear in mind this was in Texas and the quality of the marijuana was rock bottom (which I didn't know at the time and it didn't matter anyway). I thought to myself, "what are you afraid of? You weren't afraid of death yesterday". When i realized this, I was able to enjoy the effects.

    \tAnd that's what I did for awhile, just medicating myself to escape depression and anxiety and it totally worked. However, having no job, less than "good" parents, no money, no car, I was wholly dependent upon others for my habit. Therefore, I had to dedicate my entire life to acquiring marijuana, having a place to stay, etc. Keep in mind that I do not blame marijuana for this less than desirable lifestyle; I blame mental illness present in an adolescent that was improperly treated and largely ignored when initial options failed. I was messed up already. Marijuana was actually keeping me alive, as poor as my standard of living was.

    \tLiving this way eventually led to lengthy legal troubles, and I did not smoke again until 2000 (the last time having smoked was 1992).

    \tIn 2000, still living in Texas, I acquired a bit of herb. Nothing special, cheap compressed dirt weed. I took a couple of hits and felt nothing. Took a couple more. About 10 minutes later I had the most extreme panic attack one could imagine. I was overly medicated, no tolerance, forgot what it felt like, didn't have depression and anxiety to relieve... completely different scenario.

    \tFor the sake of keeping this short, without going into great detail, I hated marijuana and wouldn't touch it again until 2013.

    \tToday, I live rather happily with only occasional anxiety. My wife and I have been married for almost 14 years. She however is an epileptic that goes through severe seizures and pain. We have lived in Colorado (big difference from Texas) for quite some time and she has been seeing several doctors.

    \tOne day her medication just quit working. She was having pain, seizures, crying. The doctor prescribed clonazepam and that helped but she still suffered. Then one day she asked me if it would be ok if she tried marijuana.

    \tLong story short, she has been off of all 5 of her seizure medications for the last month. Of course, acquiring marijuana in Colorado is NOTHING like Texas. ALL of the marijuana I've come across is high quality. It's ridiculously easy to find, and is almost completely legalized here in Colorado. I can actually shop around for the type of bud I want and who I get it from. Dealers compete for your business here. Nothing like Texas where you get nothing but cartel schwag and the connection acts like he's doing you a favor to give you any time.

    \tSo yes, with my wife smoking, I tried it again. I enjoyed it, and have been enjoying it solid for a month. Today however, is my first day of tolerance break. I'm going to try to take 4 days off.

    \tIt's amazing to me coming back into the scene how things have changed, especially the difference here in Colorado. The legalization, the ease to acquire it without shady dealings or getting ripped off. It is truly amazing how far we've come. I understand that in most states it's still a serious crime and still a federal crime everywhere. However, my observation is that we've made a LOT of progress towards socially accepted use and I hope it continues that way.

    \tToday my life is good and I'm married with a family. I feel good to have marijuana in my life again, my biggest struggle at this point is not overusing it. Overall I'm happier with it, but now that I'm smoking regularly I've learned to accept responsibility with that so I have been extra out going when not stoned and have begun to implement tolerance breaks. All it took was smoking all day for about a month straight and I do definitely need this tolerance break.

    \tSorry if this was tl;dr. Just wanted to share with you folks my story and perspective. Thanks!

     
     
  2. Thanks for sharing.and congratulations for findings the proper balance to use successfully.

    Sent from my SGH-T989 using Grasscity Forum mobile app

     
  3. Hey, that's a great way to sum it up.  Thanks!
     
  4. @dmike
     
    Props man and keep doing what you doing
     

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