[quote name='"nascarfan"'] It's not appropriate for every child. But some kids don't give two shits about their future or having things taken away. In that case, sometimes the only way to teach that child, or to get them to understand there are unpleasant consequences to their actions is to spank. But then again, like I said it's not every child. And spanking is one thing. Punching, slapping, or otherwise hitting is a completely different thing altogether. Also, of course hitting a kid because you're mad at them is wrong, because any punishment should not be an outlet to make the parent feel better or let off some steam. Just as many nonphysical punishments are carried out the wrong, or in a damaging way too. Is it better to scream at a child because you are angry? I don't think so. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse; and emotional scars take a lot longer to get rid of if you ever do. Is it better to take away something a child cherishes just to get a sick satisfaction out of making them miserable? Often times, unless you're crossing the line of doing actual physical damage to the child (bruises or worse), what makes something a bad punishment vs a good punishment, is the way and intentions in carrying that punishment out.[/quote] I agree with your statement for the most part. I mean the emotional scars from getting beat can never go away and cause a kid to grow up and beat his own kids as well. And all these dumbass people come in here talking about how the stepdad should teach him a lesson and beat him up is stupid. Especially because its the stepdad and he cant be acting like hes the kid's actual father, it doesnt work like that. Thats probabaly at least part of the reason why the kid is acting up. He should be more of a mentor or friend to the son
That's true enough. But I do think step parents can be fine parents, sometimes better than biological. It takes time and respect though. I suppose I'm an optimist at heart, and want to believe that the OP wants to be there for his stepson, it's just that everyone has a breaking point, and that he truly doesn't know what to do anymore. I think he's venting, but I get the feeling that he's worried about the kid too.
[quote name='"nascarfan"'] That's true enough. But I do think step parents can be fine parents, sometimes better than biological. It takes time and respect though. I suppose I'm an optimist at heart, and want to believe that the OP wants to be there for his stepson, it's just that everyone has a breaking point, and that he truly doesn't know what to do anymore. I think he's venting, but I get the feeling that he's worried about the kid too.[/quote] It can't be easy raising a kid, especially when he's in those teenage years, when they tend to be more rebellious. I think its all a matter of trust, and earning the respect of the kid before he starts to respect you and listen to you as the stepfather.
We used to spend all kinds of time together. We've been practicing baseball since he was 3. We used to shoot hoops, and toss the football alot. Play video games, watch movies.. etc. This year his attitude changed, which I understand, he's begining to bridge the gap between child/adulthood. It seems impossible to try to get through to him right now. I hope its just a phase, but Im afraid to see it, or let it get worse.
Yo step son needs a good ole can off woop ass (preferably not by you, but eh a good spankin wouldn't hurt anyone) Like others said before, it worked for me!!! Lol
And Im not saying he doesnt listen to me, Its the way he acts towards his mom which bothers me the most. Calling her a bitch under his breath as he walks away, pushes my boiling point. The entitlement... He feels like his grandparents/uncles should always be doing more for him which is ridiculious. If anything, Im always the bad guy for trying to instill rules, chores, and a little bit of structure.
I was seeing red when I made this thread last night. Im still ticked off about it all, but Im just trying to figure out a good way to get through to him right now.
i think what you should do first is show your step-son some respect. even if he isn't acting like he deserves it. because i feel like you simply cannot expect him to show you respect, if you are not showing him respect first. also, i really think this is just a phase OP, 13 is a very strange age & kids that age naturally are rebellious. i think you just need to talk to your son and tell him that even though you are not blood related you do care about him as if he was your real son. if his biological father isn't in the picture, that is probably really hurting him considering he is a boy. you just need to step in and be a positive male-role model for him. also, i think hitting,spanking, slapping, or anything of that nature will not help the situation at all! all i think it will do is create a bigger barrier between you two
[quote name='"xChildinTime"']i think what you should do first is show your step-son some respect. even if he isn't acting like he deserves it. because i feel like you simply cannot expect him to show you respect, if you are not showing him respect first. also, i really think this is just a phase OP, 13 is a very strange age & kids that age naturally are rebellious. i think you just need to talk to your son and tell him that even though you are not blood related you do care about him as if he was your real son. if his biological father isn't in the picture, that is probably really hurting him considering he is a boy. you just need to step in and be a positive male-role model for him. also, i think hitting,spanking, slapping, or anything of that nature will not help the situation at all! all i think it will do is create a bigger barrier between you two[/quote] Yup, agree 100% especially with the respect part which is like wha i said before. If you respect him he'll grow to respect you. Then he'll listen to you And ever think that he might be calling his mom a bitch because she hits him?
Yea if your going to physically punish him get your wife to do it. I don't think you should touch him since your not his real dad and its jut not worth it. My mom used to drag me by the ears, spank me, all that good stuff. I don't resent her for it, I wasn't scared of my parents I was scared of disobeying my parents lol. Calls his mom a bitch? Shit my parents would wash my mouth with soap If i ever swore. Only happened once though because it worked.
It may be different for other people, but I know that if my parents had physically disciplined me I would have had no respect for them, especially if they were a step-parent. If my step-father had gotten physical with me then I probably would have come at him with a knife. If you want him to respect you, you have to show him respect. It may be fucked up if you show it to him and he doesn't return it, but he'll never respect you without being shown it first (my step-father showed me at least some respect, even when I was being an asshole, and that's the only reason we still have a relationship).
its probably because of you. people hate their step parents, step parents undervalue their stepchildren.
For one your his STEP Dad. WTF is beating the kid going to do thats just going to make him hate you more, Seriously If I ever had a step parent as a kid I know I would of been an asshole every chance I got.
I grew up with a step mother. She whooped me if I was a smart ass to her. So did my old baby sitter. Kids are just different nowadays. They have some weird thought in their head that they have the authority over adults. I tried to think that way when I was a kid. It didnt take me long to realize that my thinking was wrong though.
Sounds like op needs some perspective of his own. That sounds like a typical 13 year old to me. Not saying they are easy to handle, but it definitely could be worse. Sounds like he is going through an emotionally rough patch and needs help. He's probably pissed that all his stuff is taken away. Yet, his grades went down again. that plan worked for you, didn't it? Also, you're probably the father figure he needs so bad, its definitely plausible that he's all out of sorts because he doesn't have a set father figure to guide him. Step up and help him.