My Spiritual Testimony. (long)

Alright, I'm a very spiritual person, and basically I have a very different religion than most people in my area. Alright, so before you read, this thread is basically a rant/comment on state of religions/open-ended questions for you all to shead light on. So, let me first begin by telling my story. Plus I'm high, so I'm kind of attempting to actually write some of this down for the first time.

My religion is basically that, my religion. I took aspects of certain religions and then rolled them into one mesh that I call my belief system. But for the most part, my religion is Buddhism. Now, there are a few aspects of Buddhism that I reject, thus the reason I never claim to be a Buddhist. I feel that for an individual to say "I'm a Catholic", "I'm a Buddhist", "I'm a _________" the individual needs to believe 100% in what the religion states. Basically blind faith. And stemming from this, I have a strong distaste for organized religion. So basically, I think the only individuals who can call themselves "Catholics", "Buddhists", etc, are the original founders, as any past these founders most likely have some qualm about the religion.

So, with this, this is why I do not call myself a Buddhist, however, if someone asks, I always say "It's a mixture of different beliefs which I assembled into my own." However, if they inquire further and ask 'like what?', my response is, "Well I don't call my self a Buddhist, but my beliefs are highly intune with Buddhism." Just so they understand more what my religion is like without sitting down with them and explaining my thoughts on every aspect of humanity. So, that is my religion. I'm a very open-minded individual about religion, and i usually like the same in return with the people I associate with.

However, I do have an issue of discrimination in my past, and it hurts immensely. This issue has recently been raised again, and thus kind of the stem of this post because it hurts me so much that people are less than understanding of who I am. I come from white class, suburbia, Christian USA. And thus most of the ladies i fall for end up being Christian. Now, I have no problem with falling in love with a Christian, however it seems they do. Now before I continue, let me explain my thoughts on religion as a whole so you have a better understand as to WHY I have no issues with falling in love with someone of another faith.

To me, religion is about one thing; being a moral human. There are so many different religions in the world, with many different goals; some want nirvana, some reach heaven, attaining moksha. And all these religions preach a similar underlying message, be a good human, be kind to others, and respect others. So they are all moral in their teachings. However, there is one ending. No one knows right now what the one ending is. It very may well be reaching Heaven, but at the same time, it might be nirvana. And this is the one end for all human souls. But what the majority of the western world is struck upon doing is finding the one religion that is "100% correct, and i'll reach _______" So, a Christian strives to become moral so they can reach heaven. However, say once they pass on they find out that Christianity was incorrect, that the true goal was to attain Nirvana. This does not discredit them, as they still, in the teaching of Christianity, were a good, wholesome, moral individual. So thus, they are now on their way to reaching Nirvana, even though they originally did not feel that was the correct path. However, the opposite holds just as true. Say a Buddhist spent his entire life following the Four Noble Truths, and became a incredibly moral individual, but it turns out Buddhism was incorrect, and the Christian heaven is what is true. The Buddhist is not condemned to hell because he still lead a moral life, and is thus, let into heaven.

Now, I know Christians feel that an individual who does not accept Jesus Christ as their savior will not reach heaven, I am aware of that. However, this is my personal beliefs, so please don't debate that issue. Basically what i am saying is ultimately their is one truth. But in the end, all paths of all religion point at this one ultimate truth by teaching the moral life of each religion. I hope this makes sense.

But anyways, this is why I accept all faiths, and do not put down an individual of their faith simply because what they believe. if you believe in God and Jesus Christ, that is fine by me. If you believe in Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva, that is fine by me. Now the individuals who I do make fun of on occasion (all in good fun) are members of organized religion whom force their religion upon you. Basically because this drastically is opposite of what i believe because they are stating their is one and only one way to attain/reach ________. So, don't let that get you confused with my openmindedness about the individuals choice for a religion. Okay, but back to why i am hurt about the discrimination.

Like I stated, most the females I've been interested in are strong, moral Christians. The first one I was interested in, we never actually got to dating because i was not a Christian and that bothered her. This wasn't as severe as my next incident with descrimination, but it's one case of it. My next run in with discrimination came when I dated this pretty awesome girl. She was heavily Christian, and quite constantly stated she was unsure if she was able to marry me because she could not imagine an afterlife without me, because I would not be allowed into heaven. She constantly stated she did not like my alternate beliefs, and that it deeply hurt her. (not as much as she hurt me though) Ultimately these feelings ruled out and we eventually broke up. Now, I from this point on, I vowed i would only date a female who could accept my alternate beliefs, thus saving myself from the pain of being descriminated against again.

Now, I met this even more incredible girl. She was absolutely perfect for me, and before we started dating, I made sure that me not believing in Jesus Christ was alright with her, she said yes. So I was extactic, I thought i found my one girl. Now, I am very open minded. I never poke fun at a ritual (I do in comedy routines, but never out of spite) of a religion, and if asked i will partake. Her family was once again, Christian. They were more of a ritual based Christian family then the last girl, so one occasion I was asked to be apart of their ritual. I would never refuse, and I would go alone and do what was needed. I never once made fun of her for believing in God and Jesus, and I never once poked fun of her because of her religion. Well a few months ago we had one of those breakups where you more need space apart, and things might come back together. And at first i knew what it was, it's because of some of my issues. I've been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety, and Depression. now the depression didn't bother her as she was a depressive person as well. On occasion the anxiety bothered her, but for the most part, she could not cope with my OCD issues. And thus that was the original reason we broke up. but something snapped in me in our breakup and I suddenly changed. I'm still OCD, but I've to cope with issues alot better, I've become more mellow. It literally happened overnight. It was weird, so we talked on the phone the other day, and I explained this to her. She said alright, but then she realised that was not the full issue. The other half was the fact that she could not like me being of another faith. This absolutely crushed me, I broke out into tears. It is incredibly hard to be rejected by someone who once loved you, and you love to the extreme amounts based on a personal choice. This is literally not any more different than if she did not date me anymore because our skin colour was different (it wasn't, this is just an example) It is pure discrimination, and it hurts so incredibly much. mainly because I asked her how she felt about this ebfore we broke up. But then we got discussing religion and i was trying to explain certain aspects to her.

She stated she hated how i made fun of Christians and what not, and then I explained how I have never made fun of a Christian, and i never made fun of an individual because they believed in God, but I made fun of the canon laws of religion. And how I thought it was rediculous that some religions state that in order to talk to God, you must first talk to so-and-so, then he will talk to the next in line, and so on until the top person, who is the only individual who can talk to God. If someone believes in God, I think it is fundemental that they believe that they can talk to God one on one. This heirarchy BS is just that, BS. I explained how I never once made fun of her for believing in God. And she started to understand that. Then of course I had to explain who my hero in life is. Marthin Luther I think is the most important individual in history. And he was even a Christian. But what he did to start the Reformation is perhaps one of the most important aspects of Religious history. And then she stated how she didn't like that I renounced her faith. Which I openly do, and i explained that wasn't me being an asshole, but it was rather me stating who I was. She then questioned what I would feel if the roles were reversed, and she was the one renouncing my faith and etc. And I stated i had no issue with that, thus the reason I dated her. And i explained my belief on how all religions teach different messages, yet they all merge together in the end (behind that scenes) which she was open-minded about and understood why I did not get upset about people being other religions. but then I brought up this one question that has bothered me for a long time now. This question is what I'm going to leave you with.

Now, before I ask it. Let me say thanks for reading this (even if you skipped around.) And please, feel free to post anything at all. If you want to just answer my question, feel free. If you'd like to comment upon something else, and neglect the question that is fine. But, to bring some closure about this, the question that has plaqued me for a long time. Basically, this one question is what gave me the belief that all moral men attain their goals, no matter which path they go down. This is purely hypothetical...

How do you feel that a man, such as a the first Buddha, and all subsequent Buddhas, who were good, moral humans, and lead a life of peace and harmony could theoretically be burning in hell, while a man such as Hitler, who killed millions of people based upon their religion, among other autrocities, could have given a heartfelt, truthful deathbed repentance and let Jesus and his teachings into his heart and accept Jesus Christ as his one and only savior could be in heaven?