Sometimes I need to look around and reflect. So I think I'm just a pretty off dude, man. i don't know. I took a lot of drugs in freshman year being totally experimental and naive. The only thing I made a habit of was ciggarettes... weed.. and random drugs. All I do now is smoke weed and all the other shit that is utter crap is done, and I am now going to graduate at the end of the year. (I stayed back in grade-school, I'm 18.) But I feel so weird and off at some times, and I really don't know how. I have motivation, and I don't have motivation. I don't know what in the world i'm going to do with myself, and all the hobbies I say I love, I seem to not make a passion out of these things or even get obsessed with them in a good way - such as guitar, or coding, or anything that could be useful in life. I'd rather lie in a eurphoric mood my whole life, but wouldn't anyone? The average person, or atleast the majority of people who seek the "euphoric mood" would use drugs, to get that euphoric plain for a short while. And that euphoric mood, i'm not talking heroin or ecstacy. Just the peace of mind. The adventure, the experience, the high - pure bliss or not. weed, shrooms, dxm, whatever your poison. I've grown to believe there is a time and place for drugs that you are meant to do, but the only way to do it safely in my eyes - and the way its meant to be done - is when it just falls in your path spontaneously. I live in a very very rural area and shit doesn't easy fall in your path. it's rare!. but I feel like at the end of the day I'd go on a rabbit chase for weed, psychedelics... or anything exciting that would be that euphoric mood. I'd drive around all day wasting gas money and TIME with friends, just hoping to get the euphoric mood at the end. The chase for it was half the fun i guess. It's not an issue of finding the right connections.. but more just of a reason why? I know some day, you know, I might get that awesome 100% pure mdma or an ounce of sour diesel. but then it'll be over, and i'll be back to having waste money, creating a happy memory that longs to recreate that certain euphoric mood, and back to square one. I guess this is my life in a nutshell. I also have a crazy korean girlfriend who is quite cute but has very bad anxiety at times, and sex is great, and love is nice... or companionship.. someone who rubs you right...attraction..., but right girl or not it's nothing to complete life. it's almost the same as a drug at the end of the day. So blades I guess i'm just wondering how you guys feel about life sometimes? I don't know what I am or doing. I don't need no damn antidepresssents. religion is too good I'm healthy But I might be a loser, if society took a birdseye view of my life.