My Remix/Cover to Mac Millers Best Day Ever, let me know what you think.

I just don't like your sound man, it's way too passive

 

not bad lyrics but you gotta be raw man. show some emotion. it sounds like your just reading off a page in your hand. OH and dont have " trying to quit smoking to avoid cancer" if your audience is going to be mostly tokers. at least mention tobacco in that line to avoid confusion. 
 
and just to reiterate NIGGGGAAAA GETTT RAWWWW! im talking eddie murphy in a leather suit raw. 

 

think about how Kendrick sounded in the control verse. That made such an impact because he had so much emotion. He damn near growled in those lines

All of my glass has meet a series of unfortunate events, I bought a new beaker bottom and named him Lemony Snickets

 

chill works VERY well man i love chill lines if it feels truly chill not forced. look up sam lachow hash muffins on youtube. if you need lessons on chill hip hop that song is the dictionary definition man  

 

that all you do is spit wack lines claim to bring your crew, bring your crew if thats what you need to do is a cold ass line man. really most of your verses show really damn good potential it just needs heart. honestly it sounds like your not sure of your self on the mic, when what you need to do is not give a FUCK what people think about your skills. make dope songs full of emotion and verse that means something to you. and people will listen, dont go changing or becoming a studio gangster cause thats what you think people want. People want to hear music the artist enjoyed making. thats why lazers, the album lupe was forced to do by his label was trash compared to his earlier work. his early work he made because he enjoyed making, not because it would make it possible for his 4 car garage to become a 5 car. If youve a life of violence in the streets than do what the game did, and tell your stories. if you had a fucked up childhood turn it into fuel for that creative fire and pull the marshall mathers. If all youve done is smoke weed and chill with your boys then make music about smoking weed and chilling with your boys man, ill call that pulling the asher roth. 
 
PS: you sound white and said the N word like 4-5 times. eminem is a rap legend. if any white guy has earned his strips its him and hes still never used the N word on a track. not even the one he wrote about how much he hated black girls. you can find it out there somewhere. its pretty fucked up but a good song none the less, its coming from a dark place.

 

haha im a black guy that lives in the middle of the whitest tri county area in my state, im really ok with anyone saying the N word as long as it comes from a place of love. you just have to remember not everyone that listens to your music will get to have a long forum based conversation the artist and little things become big things if you become a big artist. 

 

not bad man. i like it. you should try experimenting with different voice inflections. B real from cypress hill doesnt sound even remotely the same when hes talking compared to spitting, he changes his voice and with it lets it all out. 

 

haha if you make it big i call dibs on being your security. much love man, i hope one day im sitting in a room with my friends trying to convince them this conversation happened while listening to your album.