I read all the thread and i wanted to say something like oh i like how you emphasize there and there the emotion is etc etc... ^^ fuck that I'll comment later..cause i lol'd seriously... HAHAHAHAHAHA ps. i like your work. i'll post after my spliff.
first of all your speech is very direct and gives a very personal view. i could call it sth like an essay-ish poem,cause not only you have imperialistic pictures(?) but you clearly state your opinion throught them. You also rhyme.and i dont know if you tried and did it on purpose but you are very close to 15syllable verses(iambic) (i didnt count all of them). you show many feelings through the poem tryng to pass a mesage. i could analyse in terms of meanings, emotions and writing characteristics all of your poem but i'd like to comment one more i liked very much. generally though you write good. your speech is liberal and emotional and politic like an essay but transformed into a simple (in terms of expression ways) poem. i like it very much.welldone. i really liked this poem.srly. it has a very nice beggining"lovers gaze". it is staight to the point and promising to read further.plus its a very nice poetical picture. words such a lovers,connection, souls, bodies,desire ,heartbeats ,craving ,melt ,set afire,together,breathless etc etc. emphasize the one main idea,desire, very nicely. all the poem has a very erotic figure and making love seems to be charged among with the idea of love. no rhyme ,which is great,because in my mind love or sex poetry is over charged when rhyme is used,the feelings are overwelming and enough .rhymes seems to make it too much and icky.so nice choise not rhyming. narrative,lyrical ,great pictures and also great sounds. many words and phrases creat sounds that make the reader live it with you.although the speech is kinda abstract, the poem is very direct. "ultimate desire is all thats allowed" the only thing i didnt like much was the verb allowed which gives me the feeling of permission ,though all the other poem gives emotions of sensual and emotional liberating desire. i liked the ending too. its like the meaning is closing its circle yet to continue in it. * disclaimer; this is just my view on your poems ,doesnt realy mean sth. and many words i'd use in greek and make this a legit review ,are not given in the same meaning in english or not exist(unfortunately),so i have to try to describe the word. plus I never took a class of literature in english so my language may be off but still i tried to make some sense. i hope i did. i really like your style.keep posting.very very nice for amatuer work. very nice. if you'd work some more and develop your writing expression style more(words choosen,pictures,metaphors,similes,contrasts etc etc) . people might be intrested in publishing you. what kind of literature/poetry do you read,or better, you like more?i mean in which movement are you into? if you havent ,you shoud read William Burroughs,i think you'll find him intresting.or Fernando Pessoa. *uuh..that post took long..i am tired now. i just noticed that this is back from 2006.wow. and you posted the last two posts now...haha lol x X
Nice stuff SD.. Im a poet myself, haven't written in many many months though... Here's a small collection of my stuff, some of it dates back 4 years. Mostly sappy love stuff... Each individual poem is separarted by "*****" If you feel the need to crit dont be harsh.. lol I'm open to sharing them even though they are personal. ***** Lost in her gaze, she has me Enthralling, I grasp her hand and know it's meant to be. I see the stars fluttering with her every blink With a glowing heart so warm, I can barley think. I graze her lips with mine, and it becomes hard to breathe I'm lost in her gaze, she's heaven to me. Her sweet voice sounds and sinks deep into me Gripping my soul, and filling it with her love. Her hair traps me like tender vines, Comforting as a cradle, I want her to be mine. I miss her even when I'm with her Such strong feelings I've not felt forever I can only hope she feels them as strongly as me. Lost in her gaze full of love, so strong She has me. ***** Midnight moonlight floods plains of grass. Lying under the Milky Way with a love, as time may pass. Soft strands of black, blowing in a gentle wind. In silence of starry night, my heart kindled with passion. Tonight my love came again... Burning from within. Melting frosted tears like dew on frozen grass. ***** A reverberating chorus hits me. Screaming and careening. In one ear and out the other it goes. The music fills my mind. Mixing my emotions as it flows. My soul uplifted by the passion it brings. Then I close my eyes and it begins. Bursts of light, my eyes beg to taste. No drug can match its consolation. This is it; this is the music you must face. ***** Close your eyes Turn off your mind Spread your wings And start to fly-- --high above the lucid sunset Glowing with purple envy Sit in a field of lavender Sit until you can't remember A slight breeze passes by And you can't remember why Break free from daily hysteria From the chaos and illusions Spread your wings and fly Never look back, and never die Just look to the skies, and fly. I stand upon this ocean with her in my arms. Waves caress our sorrows and drown our fears. I watch the ripples in a pond as time passes slowly. And hope our love will keep growing. I sit in a field of poppies and look into her eyes. Fall into a deep sleep and dream of what could be. I stare into the night sky looking for a star to wish upon. It seems she's been gone for way to long. I miss her love and all that came with it. As neither of us should ever forget it. I become lost and confused. But yet I refuse. I just wish… ***** Night falls And the stars gleam in her eyes Like diamonds in the sky As we both longed for this moment No words can express this feeling For when our hearts joined we became one Overwhelmed with love and emotion A tear catches my eye And I wonder why We were at peace together And now we anticipate once more being again I cannot seem to forget the beating of her heart As it seemed to sync with my own It was so hard to let go For I think about her everyday It just won't go away Maybe... we should just get lost, together. ***** Since that night so perfect, I cannot seem to forget, What my eyes beheld. It was the first step to a new beginning When I looked in her eyes I could see, So nervous, yet so calm and so peaceful. What should become of this moment? And yet the anticipation grows, For what the future with-holds, With these two lost souls. Inspiration and love struck and overcome Day by day, it won't go away But a good thing? Yes Someday... This is for you. ***** Angel wings and strawberry lips, A tender red blush, like that of rose hips. Forever heaven doth sent blooming attraction, Upon my naked eyes I was distracted. By the adornment of her hopeful smile, While lost in her gaze, stopped short by a distant mile. Longing for her warm touch of bliss, And maybe if I'm lucky, a gentle kiss. Bearing my heart with a virtue of patience, A chance to break the last mile, all that is needed to make it. So long, waiting for stars to fall from the curtain of night, For the chance to wish upon a glistening light. Magical would it be, for her to come dancing to me, Through vast field of flowers, her beauty would stand out to me, so free And long I still wait for a star to fall, So I can simply make the wish for her to be my one, and only. Love for thee is brewing in the breath of cupid. ***** Your head upon my pillowed chest In a sunbeam beneath a willow, breathing with the autumn wind Your hair, a tickle of bliss to my fancied cheeks As we lay in a mess of fallen perfumed leaves Listening to the natural orchestra before us Drifting away on a ripple in time Unwinding our souls, together embracing a dream In a world where clocks are ghosts, which don't tick In a frozen moment, only defined as sweet perfection As the perception of reality melts We float away in a sea of sleep and apathy. ***** Such elegant eyes I gaze into, so brown and warm, Like the autumn leaves falling ever gracefully all around. While the earth below is full of sound, Crinkling like your nose when you smile. Enlightened by your angelic aurora, Restoring my energy, and happiness, my rare true smile. I'm full of words of joy, wonder, and poise, Only to forget and be swept away, on a wisp of wind At the sight of you, or, the echoes of your pillowed voice. I'm crushing harder than the dead leaves below your step. With a lost mind, like that of a dandelion seed lost in billowing fog. To scared to come out of my cave of insecurities, and be seen true. Though your bubbly charisma, makes me want to break on through. Clocks tick away, and I don't know what to make of this. Guidance to this bright light is blinding, but I don't want to miss. ***** Her heart's a feather, fluttering on the wind It's time to begin… A gently touch, lips mend, As vines of silk fall from her head. A heavy heart sinking, In an ocean of chocolate kisses. Bearing over me, I take the weight of her love Missing her, with every blank palette of a blink. Her eyelashes grace mine, closed, As we embrace one another. Slow motion magic, in an ethereal moment. Falling from the sky, together we own it. Showing our love Happiness is us Together ***** Well past midnight and thunder is rolling in the distance, as fall leaves rustle in the wind beyond my window pane, giving me an almost enlightened feeling long needed to calm my hysteric mind, for nature is my medicine and it's there when I am in need, distracting me from my awareness of self deterioration. Like clockwork it now begins to rain, aromatic tears trickling from the sky drifting through my window, for nature sees me in distress, and sees one of its children at a low never attained before. The sweet smell of rain is restoring and invigorating, making me hopeful, but negative thoughts still remain as a lightning bolt cracks a whip of thunder as nature is apart of me. Gaia may ease the pain and tension, but still my blood boils at the hypocrisy of the world I live in, and am taught to love. What's to love but the atrocities and viral spores that hold the keys to the doors of our future lives? These walking diseases are the people next to you and in front of your blinded eyes and unknown to your fogged mind. ***** And the last one... My favorite, very short but I dont care =D ***** Your eyelashes are feathers To my cheek As they open with the sun To greet me With the new day.
see that what i like here..no intresting post somewhere.i can read some poetry... p.s i want a poem too..damn..i wonder if anyone ever wrote one about me...but i'd know about it.so i guess nope. very nice language... i think you put a bit too much effort in finding words that you made it a bit harangue(?) but its on the line cause simple words with bombastic words compensate the feeling the reader gets from the poem.was that on purpose btw...?? in that poem you address in second person which makes it feel like a psychedelic confession,as the very first verse is a psychedelic intellectual picture and right after you directly address to someone(the reader or the one who was the poem written about) "watch your". very direct speech again which makes a communication with the reader and attracts attention on the poem. out of the sudden the poem turns romantically sentimental. from "you" you go to "I" and then "we" "an ever present and effervescent journey spiraling slowly to the depths of irreality. " nice antithesis effervescant /spiralin slowly great picture..very surreal. "as we sink the world transforms upon the canvas of our eyes colors merge" very nice lyrical picture,the world is being impersonated to emphasize the one feeling that dominates /and the canvas eyes colors merge have a (in terms of meanings,)coherence but still putted together in a way to combine a great surrealistic picture. "colors die" asyndeton(ok the dictionary gave me the greek word for that i hope its used ) and the colors are impersonated in it.which makes the verses lyrical. "we begin to walk together without moving an inch away from the blissful paradise" oxymoron(ok now i know you have no words for literature...j/k) you say you begin to walk without moving,very nice speech also very nice symbolism. "fountains like grass " as well as the above quotes/also very nice optical/acoustic picture. "every sense departs " same here.sense becomes so real it can die.followed by a monotonic emotional silence which leads to the ending,which is quite ironic cause its like all senses die so that one emotion could live emphasized by "us". the whole poem may seem superficially a poem that glorifies lsd but it really glorifies feelings .there is a certain countdown actually both in meaning but in expression too.. very nice surrealistic pistures,impersonations to emphasize some meanings,antithesis,optical and acoustic pictures,liveliness of the speech and a certain sentimental countdown to come to a conclution and calm the upheaval. 'us' although its said is the last verse seems to shadow the whole poem. ok im waiting for more poems/if not to comment,to read certainly.
Rest in peace darling scoobydooby67.. I logged in Grasscity to collect the poems you posted here.. I feel so blessed that you were my long distance but so close to heart friend for so many many years .. I can't believe you are gone and we will never talk again.. For anyone reading this, Scoobydooby67 passed away suddenly, earlier this month. As far as I know, he was healthy and happy for quite a long time with his fiancee and love of his life N., doing what he loved. He was a beloved person that enriched the lives of anyone around him. A music lover, a poet , an animal lover. Educated and very smart. He had a golden heart and witted humors. A great fiancee to the love of his life N. and loved by all his friends and family. We were so close back in the day and stayed in touch all these years. We both helped each other through dark early 20-year-old-times and I am so greatful that you are part of my life and my story. I'm still in tears for your passing.. I will never forget you, how nice you were to me and how you allowed me to express myself without feeling shame. Your poems meant the world to me. And the times we shared will forever be in my heart. I was a lonely kid when we met, leaving school behind and my childhood friends who raped me and stigmatized me for life. I was so fragile and easily manipulated back then , I couldnt even gasp it. And you were so loving and caring and gave me hope and strength and showed me through your example how real friends should be like and how good people are. He really was a golden hearted person . I will never forget you. I love you Scooby. You are one of the very few that saw deeper than the surface and tried to restore my faith in people back then, when it seemed impossible and everything was dark and grim. I will never forget you. I'm so heartbroken. Fly high, darling.