just a poem i wrote. i write fairly often and just decided to post this on here. any serious feedback is appreciated. if u look deep into her eyes u will see someone who wants love unconditionally if u look even deeper u will find a little girl that is blind no purpose no sense of direction but underneath the surface this little girl wants attention her eyes tell ther story that her words never could n because of this she lives her life misunderstood puttin on a smile day after day secretly hopin the pain would fade away when shes all alone the pain eats her alive n she curses the skies screamin how can i survive? n even tho she tried whoever is watchin over her wouldnt let her take her pride her eyes tell the story that her words never could n because of this she lives her life misunderstood
it's good, man, but I think you could easily improve by actually spelling the words properly. It doesn't seem like a poem when you use 'u' and 'n' and cut out the 'g' of 'ing'. As well, it rhymes but it doesn't flow for me. I think you need to have more of a pattern with syllables. It'll flow much better with a syllabic pattern.
i only use proper spelling when i am writing something professional or doing something for school. its just shorter and easier for me to do it this way when i am just writing for fun. and yea i know what u mean about the syllables. i dont usually work on a poem to make it perfect. i use it more as a medium to get my feelings out and leave it as is. i could deff work on them more and make them better. also id like to add that it is a poem, but its basically written as a rap(at least in my head). i have no rapping skills whatsoever but thats kinda how i write them.
honestly i have had a bad morning at work..after reading that even though work still sucks ass I really like your poem lol..There are always things you can criticize usually when individuals write these types of poems but I thought it was nice. I dig it
well i just saw poetry in the thread title and my trolly sense hit 10. unfortunately for me the poem is pretty good. so fuck you
Nice poem, dude. I can relate a lot, not only in myself but others who are afraid to face who they really are and the stuggle to find identity in a world soley based on image.. Good reflection
i for one do not wish to encourage poetry, they just start clogging up the cafes and bars and before you know it they've hired a jazz band.