my poem about life

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by ganja smugglin, May 24, 2010.

  1. here's a poem that i wrote last night it started as a simple weed poem but my mind started producing a'lot of thoughts so i revised it what do you think?

    my eyes can see
    you seeing me
    the looking tree
    is breaking free

    I have the seed
    for those in need
    but please take heed
    the devils feed

    we are here
    here is now
    no need to fear
    under your brow

    here is my light
    for it is night
    now i shall give
    my gift of sight

    a child is born
    there minds adorn
    when will they mourn
    there lives forsworn

    so let them dream
    this perfect scheme
    said on a ream

    so don't be stressed
    on wisdoms quest
    when you've oppressed
    your day of rest.
  2. #2 Funk-D, May 24, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2010
    Man I could never be a poem or song writer man. I read that poem and I'm like cool it could be a song, but I don't know how'd it sound, but I know some bad ass singer could make it sound cool. ONce he did that I could play a epic bassline too it though.
  3. thanks, really? I would definately be interested in hearing that made into a song go ahead and do that if you want to that would be cool.
  4. Well I don't know any singers in fact it's my pickiness about singers that has gotten me kicked out of, or quit several bands already, but I'll hold onto it, and maybe one day it'll be turned into a kick ass song.

    I get a deftones style vibe out of it I don't know why.
  5. yeah thats a good style i was thinking it gave me a SOAD vibe, if it were to be a song. but yeah if your good at what you do keep on at it music is chaos interpratated into emotion and expelled out of your instrument of choice if you really feel it then it is good no matter how it sounds because its coming out of your force within.
  6. Exactly when I'm playing my bass I can just let loose. But yeah you should try to get it turned into a song...or sell it seriously some bands will pay big money for a well written song.
  7. I will definately consider it, thanks again for taking the time to read it.
  8. no one else has any input?
  9. open up your heart to the planets to the stars
    with your spirit take a trip to venus and mars
    you know einstein did while hitler hid
    now ablert lives forever in every single kid
    but of adolf hitler we are permanently rid
    picasso mr. dali and my man jimi hendrix
    these cool brothers make the world go round
    yeah they do it with art and jimi did it with sound
    but by all these men it was found
    that each and every person can be just as reknowned
    don't let the world's racist creeds give your pretty face a frown
    stand up for equal rights i mean buckle down
    we are the human race and we groove to the sounds
    • Like Like x 1
  10. that's a good one, to me it tells the reader how we express our incomprehensible thoughts by taking ourselves on a journey through art and music, thus interpreting the uninterpretable.

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