it began with the purchasing of orange brunettes and orange juice. before heading to my buddies i had a few shots so i was feeling pretty good when i got to his house. i even had a J rolled up. i continued to drink more brunettes and orange while we awaited for parties to start up. we left to go to another friends apartment before we headed out to the bar. my buddy needed some alcohol so we go to the liqour store and get what he needs. by this time i am hammered. this is where my memory begins to get hazy. i assume we get back to my friends apartment and head to the bar. the bar isnt too crowded nor dead so we are chillin and sippin on drinks. so present at the bar is a girl in a wheel chair. as we are chillin my friend suggests, "you should go dance with her". so i was like fuck it im game. i walk up to her, get ahold of the handles of her wheel chair and start spinning her around. let me say, she was scared shitless. i was like oh.. and walked away. so were back to chillin and for some reason i busted my ass. i have bruise on my hand and my left butt cheeks is sore as shit. but when i fell apparently i spilled my drink on the girls behind me cuz they were like "omg, you should buy us shots". so once again i was like fuck it and told the bartender what they wanted. i dont remember exactly what i ordered but the drinks those bitches wanted came out to be $27 for 3 drinks.... to my dismay i only had $10 in my pocket. my friend saved my ass and paid for what i couldnt. after i paid for the drinks i went back to those girls and knocked over their drinks and said something along the lines of fuck you. so prolly due to my actions we left the bar. i believe we went to another bar down the street. to be honest the bar scene here was kinda lame. there were girls dancing but they didnt want to dance with you if you approached them. eventually i left and went to my friends house party. i honestly dont know how i got there or why i went that way. but anyways i get there and this sexy chick greets me. the thing is this sexy broad has been putting me on with her roomate, who i dont want at all. well im beyond plastered right now and i remember telling this sexy chick that im going to marry her and what not. i think i said some other shit cuz she stopped talking to me for the night. this slut was at the party there as well. i danced with her a few times another time and we went to the same high school so we kinda know each other. i remember sittin on the couch with her in my lap. im pretty sure she said "you shouldve asked me to take me back with you".... i was like da faq cuz at the point i shouldnt of been in public that drunk. i believe i stumbled back to the bar. i then called it a night and walked back to my apartment. when i get back my roomate and his buddies had been drinkin so we smoked and laughed at dumb shit for a while. i remember watching this kid throw up perfectly into his blue solo cup. once everyone left i went to sleep. im kind of disgusted at what happend last night but at the same time after writing it out, it doesnt seem as bad like i imagined it was. im so blown those girls at the bar got me like that tho, guess it happens when you dont go to the bar that often. but yeah that was my night last night.
Wow. I feel like a TL;DR is required here and yet writing one would destroy the narrative of slapstick humour in the original post. So instead I have bolded all of OP's fuckups, and underlined is interesting spots where he just says some kinda stupid shit. Note that the scene of one particular club was "lame" because the girls didn't want to dance with OP, who was extremely drunk. No offence to OP. Just had to point out the funny bits.