Nice! You Really Mad In This Song I Can Tell! Plus Really Talented Too. I Look Forward To When You Drop New Songs! Ima Fan! ~Toni~
Yes indeed I was haha felt life was fucking me over at the time of writing that. Couldn't focus on much else other than my circumstances so when it was time to write it had to be about that Thanks so much for listening I really appreciate it!!
Great Job Again Dylan. This Song Remind Me Of Eminem Kinda But With Your Own Twist On It Too. Keep Up The Great Work! ~Toni~
I'm known to speak my mind and I'm sure, quite often, I'm seen as an asshole. But here it goes. The video you posted first on this thread reminded me of j-roc from trailer park boys. This one is much better than that (and from what I read here, way better than the previous one that was posted). My advice, switch up your flow/beats throughout the song. Not everything needs to rhyme. If you want certain things to rhyme, MAKE them rhyme by pronounciating them differently. You're also missing catchy choruses. Different emotions throughout your songs would also get you much further, not everything needs to be angry, hostile, angry. You're making great progress. Keep it up!
This video is worth watching if you haven't. If you notice, many times he will rhyme 2 (or 3) words with 2 other words rather than the one word rhymes you're primarily using. By using multiple words to rhyme you have MANY more unique combinations to use. Also realize, sometimes his next phrase starts with the rhyme, it doesn't always need to be at the end (which I believe most of yours are). I hope any of this will be helpful to you. If you keep progressing as quickly as you have been, I might even hear you on the radio some day. Good luck!
Well thank you, to be on the radio would be amazing haha and thank you for listening and taking the time to give feedback! I did just want to point out some lyrics that maybe you didn't catch in my brand new song. The very first words of the 2nd verse start with a rhyme. I didn't wait till the end of the line to start rhyming "Stop and listen, i crush the competiton with no opposition I'm the top position/ If you say you can out rap me then I got suspicion I'm in top condition, this the brand new hot edition" I also rhyme multi syllables. So saying I only rhyme 1 word is just not accurate. I do wonder how often the listeners of rap notice the syllables of the rhymes. But I love Eminem and he does this too, I think most fans don't even notice his rhymes though. I highlighted the rhymes with red, it's the same rhyme, I didn't switch to a different rhyme in those 2 lines, but it's a 4 syllable rhyme. I'll repeat just the rhymes below and color code each rhyming vowel sound. Stop and listen competition opposition top position got suspicion top condition hot edition Each vowel sound rhymes with the corresponding vowel sound Literally almost every time I switch to a new rhyme in this song, the rhyme is one of the very first words in the bar. "I could rhyme forever cuz my mind is clever and i try to sever all my bad habits/ im the treasure slacking time is never but you just are always stuck like you're in bad traffic" There's a 2 line example of me starting with the rhyme instead of waiting till the end of the line and also I used the internal rhymes that you're talking about. I switched back and forth between 2 different rhymes. 1 rhyme is red, the other is blue. It is true that I don't use internal rhymes that often though. I will try to use more of them thank you!
Thank you, I do need to work on my choruses lol and I guess i just love that aggressive style haha hoping that I can get fans who do as well but i should try to change it up haha thank you
You're actually right, in some ways you do, I missed some of those. Sometimes, it actually makes the "aggressive style" much more intense if you have a more calming flow between it. I'll get you a couple examples in a minute here if you're interested.