Howdy blades, I am an active user, but I created this account so I can talk about this issue without affecting my main account. It's really hard to talk about, even with my close friends. Hopefully you can shed some insight. I'll start with some basics. I'm a 20 year old male, and I started college this past fall. I took a year off beforehand due to some other issues I was dealing with. I had my heart broken after a long relationship (over 2 years) just before I left for college. I was pretty torn up about it, but as soon as I stepped foot on campus, it felt like an absolute fresh start. I forgot what it was like to be desired by girls after such a long relationship that spanned from my junior year in HS til the summer before college. I hooked up with a lot of girls. Like a LOT. But I only had sex with one. Once I started having sex with this girl, I stopped hooking up with other girls. And she stopped hooking up with other guys (I think. No confirmation of this. I would sound like an insensitive asshole for asking.) This was about 3 weeks before the end of the semester. One of the first times we were both really drunk and my condom broke. She told me that she was on the pill and had an IUD so I didn't worry about buying her plan B. All seemed well. She missed 1 period, but then a couple of weeks later she told me she got it. I was relieved, but I didn't even think there was a risk she was pregnant. I had a scare with my ex, so I didn't want to jump to conclusions because of 1 off-cycle. Then, I get 2 pieces of pretty shitty news simultaneously. 1) My parents stopped funding my college education and are sending me to some wilderness rehab-type thing. 2) This girl tells me she's pregnant. She'd been vomiting a lot of mornings, but I just attributed that to her alcoholism (she is the heaviest drinker I've met so far). Apparently her "period" was just "spotting". She admitted that she planned on having the IUD implanted, and that she had only recently started the pill, which takes a while to become effective. She then told me that about 8 months before she met me, she'd been raped and impregnated, and had an abortion. She told me she can't go through it again. Now I have absolutely no idea what to do. Because I withdrew from school, I am on the other side of the country from her. I also won't really be able to communicate with her (or anybody) while I get sent away, which is coming in about a month. I don't know how long I will be sent away. I also know that I am not in any way, shape, or form ready to be a father. Neither of us are physically, emotionally, and especially financially ready to deal with this. I also know that before she confirmed the pregnancy, she had been binge drinking and smoking about a pack a day. If the baby was conceived when I assume it did, then this behavior could have already seriously endangered the health of the fetus. I advocate the woman's right to choose when to abort, but I can't help but want to convince her to abort this child. It just doesn't make any sense to me to keep it. But she is adamant that she can't go through another abortion so soon, and I know they take a heavy psychological toll. She refuses therapy. Any help/comfort you guys could give me is really appreciated. I feel lost, helpless, guilty, scared, and shit ton of other emotions. I'm also dry/broke right now, so I can't even get a good night's rest. Sorry for sounding whiny and emotional. tl;dr- I found out that the girl I impregnated was a rape victim who has recently had an abortion, and she wants to keep the baby.
Damn, sorry to hear about your situation man. Although you probably know it I think the best thing you can do is just keep on trudging through the rough times. Stay positive, No matter how stupid it seems and how hard it may be to just do. Your environment without reflects your environment within, however stupid this may seem it is true.That's all I got mate. Keep your head up and never stop striving for something better, don't let negative emotions hinder your progress, especially if you may have a child to care for soon.As for you not being in education anymore, I say good. All the traditional forms of education are set up to put people through the system or as I like to call it "the rat race", educate your self on something of REAL value, such as running an online business or just entrepreneurism in general. Learn about different business models and see which suits you and go for it. The only thing which will ever limit you is yourself.Anyway, I hope I've written something of value to you. Good luck with you situation and I wish you the best. Tree
He knows he isn't ready that's why he wants to get the abortion.and I agree she need to abort that thing
Is she being honest? And how would you know if the kid is yours? Her body Her choice Her responsibility If she can't support the kid on her own then there are other options.
Not sure where you got those vibes from. Moving on... I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to mishandle this and end up with a lawsuit on my hands. I plan on getting a paternity test if/when she decides to keep it. I agree with the first 2 lines, but I feel responsible. I don't want to run away from it and leave this girl to deal with it when it's at least 50% my fault Thanks for the good vibes brotha
I feel you. I put the "her responsibility" part because its true. In our modern world, each gender has the ability to control their fertility. If she doesn't want the child she can abort it or adopt it out no questions asked. If she wants it she can keep it.... Now you on the other hand have 0 choice other than to not have sex. And you'll have to financially support "her body" and "her choice" regardless of how you feel and solely based off of her decision. Sweet equality huh?
Why does no one think of adoption in these situations? Put the kid up for adoption. Hopefully he/she can be in a loving and responsible home. Sent from The Gods.
I don't think you are responsible or at fault You used a condom and didn't use the plan B pill because she lied about the iud and omitted truth about being on the pill.
Well she did start out by lying to you about her end of the birth control. Heavy drinkers/blackout drinkers especially may have had sex with someone and don't even remember it. Been there done that. You don't have to go to rehab/prison if you don't want to. Your of age and responsible for only yourself Right now anyway. You could simply drop out of school, get a job, raise a child. Or, you could if you wish abandon the whole issue until the court nabs you for support. Have a talk with her and then you'll better be able to know what to do. Best wishes and remember you do have choices in your future.
If this chick wants to have the baby it could still be put up for adoption. She will have to stop drinking and smoking though so Abortion may be the humane thing to do. I wish you all the best and hope she can stay clean and adopt out a healthy baby to a loving family.
This is pretty fucked... I hate this bullshit, this has happened a couple of times to me, I now have a 15 month old son because of it.. I recently got some other chick knocked up and it was the same shit, she lied about being on the pill and "couldn't" abort it. I sat her down and simply told her that I am not responsible for it. I said to her that she can have it but I am not having a part of it and so on and so forth, she didn't take it too well but she went on a big bender and had a miss carriage anyway so no biggie, the only problem I was really worried about was my missus (that I had the kid with and am still with) finding out because it was sort of one of her friends.. well not anymore, we will just say it's a little bit awkward when they meet up now. Lol but yea, good luck man, hopefully she pulls her head in and gets rid of it. Just try and explain to her that it isn't even a baby, it's a tiny little spek, it doesn't have a pulse and it isn't alive so she isn't killing a child if that's what she is worried about.. sent from my piece of shit phone using grasscity forum mobile app.
Did you sign your rights away as a legal adult because you are actually addicted to hard drugs and your parents will continue to support you emotionally and fincancially if you complete this rehab and become clean?
How are you being forced by your parents to get sent away if you are a legal adult?? Nobody's gonna like me for this, but that's cool... Regardless of her stupid lies which I do agree was fucked up, we are all grown and know we have sex with reproductive organs- sex can and will make babies. It's common sense. You made the baby too, it's half you. There's no denying that whether you say "it's not my fault" or not. As for her not wanting an abortion, that is up to her. Abortions can cause a lot of heartache that you may not understand. It's killing your own child, yes I said it, because that's what it is. Don't be blinded by popular belief. Adoption could be a good option for her unless she decides to keep the baby. So either man up and be responsible for the little person you helped create, or leave her on her own to deal with all of this all by herself like other dead beats. Choice is yours.
He was being responsible when he used a condom. She is the one who lied about the iud and taking birth control. If she really didn't want to chance being pregnant she would have taken responsibility and not lied and actually used the plan B pill. That would have been common sense.
Yea I read all that too. I already said what she did was fucked up. And I'm just simply stating the truth- condom or not, sex can lead to babies. Lots of women do get preggo even with condoms, birth control, etc. Sex makes babies lol. But at this point its all "could have, should have, would have". Cant really change what happened so why should we keep going on about it when that's not helping him, now the focus is on what to do next. She doesn't want to have an abortion, so his last options are either be there or don't. Just simplifying.