I talked to her about it tonight in person and I found it difficult to offer words of advice. She hadn't told me until now because she thought I wouldn't understand; and in a way she was right. It's just that I think depression can be overcome by the individual and it's hard for me to voice my opinion without sounding like either an asshole or just someone oblivious to the pain of depression. For example, when I told her I think people can beat depression, she twisted my words and said that means that those who are depressed are making the choice to feel shitty. If they have the ability to make themselves feel better and they haven't, they must be choosing to feel depressed. That kind of logic. I just couldn't win. She paints such a hopeless picture for the world and her life. I'm there for her and I constantly offer her encouragement and tell her that she is a great person. I point out the good things in life and I try to get her to focus on the beauty in the world and between us, but it doesn't seem like it's enough. I could never forgive myself or her if something bad happened. As for depression, I've been there but it feels like forever ago. I'm a very positive person now and I have trouble confronting negativity. Listening to what I was telling her as I said it I realized I wasn't going to have much of an impact. It just sounded like cliche bullshit and I know it's not that easy. I ran away from the world for months at a time in my past, but I never seriously considered throwing everything away. It scares me that she does. I need some advice from someone who's been there or has known someone who has. I want to do all that I can.
i dont really have any advice... but i know what u mean man... i cant understand the concept of throwing my life away... like if shit ever got so bad that i was considering suicide... id just go fucking crazy and do whatever i wanted... not kill myself.
being depressed isnt always about your surroundings, past, present, potential future and all that bullshit. she could be depressed because of how she feels, not whats happening/happened in her life/ the world. and by "feels" i dont mean shes bored or sad about something thats going on. Back in the day i couldnt go 10 minutes without wishing i was dead, pretty much soley because of how i felt. The way i percieved things, and the way i could physically feel this HORRIBLE fucking draining energy/buzzing in my head and chest was way to much to handle. i never knew what caused it though, id constantly think of everything positive i have in my life, which was ALOT back then, like everything a normal teenager wants and i knew had alot to be happy about, i just felt like shit 24/7. im not about to go into any more detail, considering your girl is 99% nothing like me haha, but bottom line, you cant always convince someone to be happy, and changing your set/setting in life isnt guarateed to help either. Shits mental. edit: pretty much, your right. she HAS to help herself. no one but herself can change how she feels. But whatever you do, dont tell her shes on her own to deal with it. help her through it however you can, even though she is the only one with the absolute power to change her life and feelings.
dude my gf is the same way. Shes had a real tough life for the little time shes been alive. Things got better once we got together. but she is still somewhat depressed and unhappy. Its not that we have a bad relationship infact we have a very loving relationship, its just everything else going on in her life. All you can do is be there for her whenever she needs you. Keep her happy, keep showing her the good things in life like u already are. Show her how much u care and how much she means to you. and also try to find the source of her depression. overall u seem like u are a good boyfriend to ur girl. keep it that way. good luck bruh.
Has she seen a physician to rule out physical causes of depression such as hormone imbalances, autoimmune disease, thyroid issues etc. Has she recently started or changed any medication (like birth control) which can have depression as a side effect (even antibiotics for UTIs, such as macrodantin). Depression can be a symptom of serious underlying physical illness. If you need help reviewing her medication for possible culprits, just shoot me a PM. http://www.aboutlawsuits.com/lawsuit-alleges-suicide-from-yaz-and-claravis-6746/ Oral acne medications are particularly bad.
What the fuck, man? I'm honestly and seriously in the same boat as you... You pretty much summed up everything I've been trying to let out for months. I apologize for not having advice, but I send my good vibes for you and your girlfriend. I think I'll stick around and see if anyone has something meaningful to stay.
I was with someone who was suicidal before, and here is what I learned: First, you need to create a chain of logic that she cannot argue with without contradicting herself. For me, the best chain was: Do you trust me and value my opinion? (yes) You have x, y, and z going for you, and that is all you need right now. (No, because a, b, and c are problems) But you said you trusted me and valued my opinion, is that true or not? This works best if it happens out-of-the-blue and isn't part of an episode. Once you've got her, you can recall the conversation during an episode to bring her out of it. If she's actually having an episode you have to change tactics. Instead of fighting her premises (my life sucks because of a, b, and c) you need to change to conversation into one about what she is going to do to change it. It's best to have suggestions on hand for this. The key is: it's easy to come up with complaints, it's hard to come up with solutions. If you can drive her energy towards coming up with solutions she'll stop working herself up and begin to calm down. As for your view of depression... I agree with you, depression will continue until the person who is depressed makes a change and overcomes it. But the way to phrase it for her is: how will things get better if you don't make a change? Instead of: Why aren't you choosing to change?
well ive never had to deal with someone else thats suicidal...but me on the other hand.. i was...not as much anymore...badly suicidal..ever since i was like 13(i know, what the fuck?), ive just been depressed, and then it started to turn into wanting to killmyself, its a horrible feeling, and i can relate to your gf i guess, id be after doing it long ago, if i didnt have 1 very good friend to help me out, so she helped me out alot its not something you can say and itll magically go away, it takes a while...and alot of weed on my part, you gotta tell her what she means to you, tell her what you think of her, tell her that you love her as much as you can to make her feel wanted always have something positive to say to her, maybe her hair, her clothes, anything to get her spirits up a bit, just reassure her that no matter what you'll be there to help her, and get her though this, tell her that it'll all be better someday, and someday it will just be a emotion of the past theres so many things you can do...dont ever make her feel guilty about the thought of, "what will your friends do if you go though with it", when people did that to me it just made me feel really guilty and depressed its a really hard thing to deal with i know, she got to know that she has a good friend in this world, that shes wanted by people, that people love her, if you're sitting down talking to her about it, dont think about what to say...just say what you feel( i know that sounds corney but its the best way to let her know your thoughts), because once she realizes that people really do care for her and love her, she may start to feel better i hope this helps a little bit
Being someone who's gone through depression and social anxiety disorder i can tell you that it is nothing you can help nor have any control over. It's really hard to explain unless you've gone through it. You may be able to get over mild depression but when people are severely depressed its just an overwhelming feeling that you can't get rid of. No matter how much positive reinforcement you use it will do nothing because like i said its just overwhelming in which you have no control over. My best advice is to become more knowledgeable on the subject because telling her its something she can control will just make things worse. Depression is a chemical inbalance in the brain and thats far from something you can control..
As the above poster said, severe depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There are medications that can help but finding the right one can take time. Get your gf to a doctor, or preferably a psychiatrist. Just remember that such medications often take several weeks to take effect.
You sound like you're in a similar situation. My girl has been abused and neglected in the past to a sickening extent, it's true she is haunted still by it. She's far from having a healthy relationship with either of her parents and she tells me she doesn't have any real friends and that I'm the only one. It doesn't help her when I tell her I didn't make a single friend out at college for two years. But all in all, I think you understand all too well. Good luck to you too, man. Good vibes to you...I hope we learn something here. Thank you for your words. I think you're right; I need to really challenge her chain of thoughts that she is falling back on. One thing that irked me about our conversation last night is how poorly I felt I communicated and challenged what she was saying. I've got to do a better job. We've been together for about 6 months, give or take. Moosehead and darksinner, I respectfully disagree with the notion that the only answer is medication. Humans have gotten along just fine for thousands of years before our time of clinical depression. For as many that have failed to solve their problems, equally as many have taken control and turned things around. You say the answer is through a prescription. I say the answer is through many conscious decisions to lead a happier, and still realistic life. It's not about delusions. It's not about imbalances. Not for me. Thank you for the advice thus far, blades. I went to bed and I was hoping I would have something constructive to build on this morning. I have a big puzzle piece to add in. She is currently being weened off an antidepressant, Prozac if I recall correctly. I realize this is a huge red flag, and I brought it up last night. She just told me that if anything she thinks the pills were allowing her to be just as blind as everyone else. She told me she realizes that there are other people out there that feel as miserable as she does, but she also seemed to hint that she didn't want to willfully put herself back in that state of mind. I talked to my mom about this at length this morning. It's going to be difficult for me to come to my girlfriend and tell her I think she should consider looking at another option for an antidepressant. But the fact that I haven't heard of this severe depression before and now she's talking about suicide as her dosage is being eliminated, well...that seems like 2+2. My mom mentioned a few of her brothers and sisters to my surprise that had been prescribed antidepressants, and how plenty of people have sworn by them. While I don't think such medication should be the only answer, I don't rule out the scientific reasoning behind doctors prescribing these substances. I know about chemical imbalances, don't take me for a fool. I just have my own stance as I've tried to iterate. I don't want to waste my time arguing about that so much as a solution to the current problem. So please stay on topic and resist the urge to focus on telling me your difference of opinion there. Feedback is much appreciated...
dude im were your girl is and the fucked up thing is lot of the shit she says she makes up so you feel bad for her which makes her feel better idk but thats how my ex was and thats how i can be at times now if i were you i would get away before her problems become yours
I love her with all my heart and I honestly could see us being together twenty years from now. I couldn't leave her, I have no desire to do anything but be with her and help her find happiness.
Im sending good vibes your way bro...Iv'e lost a few close people to depression....It is a horrible thing... My ex-girl friend and I had been together for about a year when she started getting really depressed...I had known her for many years before we dated...She came from a fucked up childhood...Parents were way fucked up..like they should never have had kids fucked up...anyway...Things were going great...we were in love...eventually my ex's mom got in contact with my ex and they moved in with eachother...after about a month my ex started becoming really depressed...She went from bright, humorous, just full of hope and life to a former shell of what she was...One night I was going to take her out to dinner with me, my best friend, and his girl...we got there and she was acting weird...She had swallowed a handfull of pills...Im still haunted by the look in her eyes...it was crazy... Some how she survived and after going through therapy and shit she started getting better...She realized how much she didn't want to die...she thought of all the people who came to see her...She realized she missed being happy... You just gotta make her see the good in life...We take so many things for granted..Life is such a beautiful gift..
this is the best advice and info ive seen on here 4 a long time.depression is a chemical inbalance and ur gf needs to know this and seek help 4 it! also she needs to know that shes not mad and its a natural condition that can and does happen to others.im not sure were i read it but it can be as high as 1 in 3 0f us will suffer from some form of depression at some time in there lives! i know i have.but she does need to seek professional help asap.
The way you said "its not about chemical imbalances. Not for me," makes you sound very ignorant. This is not an OPINION it is a studied fact. There are two types of depression, chemical imbalance, and situational. However, many times situational is worsened by somewhat of an imbalance which can get worse. DON'T LET YOUR OPINION GET IN THE WAY OF HER RECOVERY. My uncle had a great job great life a lot of money, he became so depressed he could barely get out of bed in the morning. So, there is no "not for me" bullshit. Situations add to the chemical imbalance thus making it worse. I am NOT trying to argue with you, I am only trying to help your girlfriend by hopefully stopping you from blocking her from the right treatment. Good luck.
This is a pretty sweet read with tons of positive comments: http://forum.grasscity.com/real-life-stories/184060-how-i-finally-cured-myself-depression.html
i know what u mean by saying your in love with her, sorry to tell u to leave her...you know just be there for her as much as possible then and try to understand her but it gets hard at times trust me bro.
I like how you blunted your words or at least tried to. I will not let my opinion prevent her from seeking help in this area. As I've said, I plan on telling her I think it's a good idea to look at other antidepressants. It is a good thread. I read it in the past and posted in it actually, if it gives you any idea of where I was at the time here is what I said: So you see, where I am today and where I was then is a world apart. I learned to change it on my own and I think other people have this capability as well. However, everyone experiences life differently; unfortunately, words are too often deemed cheap. That thread wasn't enough to lift my spirits or help me beat depression, I had to conquer those problems in another way. I wish I could point my gf towards a single resource and have that be the end-all cure. But I don't think there's such a silver bullet. That is why I'm not closing off the world of Rx. I realize lots of things can help, that being one of them that may end up significant. I do hope to speak to her and have some of my words ring true deep within her. That is my goal for today.