I just needed to get this out. If its too long for ya don't read it If your board and want to hear a sad story.. read pls. Everything started 5 years ago, i was in grade 7 and my parents started fighting. They were very overprotective of me... and that lead to me not getting out as much and experiencing tthings teenagers do. Then my parents started breaking down.. and slowly began to get crazy. It was in grade 10... 2 years ago when they split up during the summer. My mom calls me when im on vacation vistiing my bro and says "im leaving your dad, want me to pack your stuff?" THANKS MOM!?! so I decided to stay at home with my dad. First time i smoked weed was at the end of grade 10. I start grade 11... and its starts out great.. this is when i start to have the best time of my life! I get a gf and everyone knows what its like when you first go out with someone and have a connection. So i was dating.. and then i started doing weed.. which brought on parties, drinking and making out with random chicks lol. It was great.. and i was having the time of my life. The whole time living with my dad was the bad part.. he was stupid, dirty and acted like a child, he drank a lot too. Then chirstmas came and this is when i was high with my gf and we both had kind of a bad trip... thats when i started thinking about my life.. and mix that with what i've gone through with my crazy parents.. i started getting depressed. Me and my gf broke up in january, the depression started afecting my highs in a negative way, my group of friends started hanging out with other people.. we all split up. Febuary-March my dad left on buisness for 3 weeks... this is when i had some more fun.. smoked a lot with my best buddy, tripped out, had a kick ass party! it was great. then my dad came home.. found out about the party. during the march break, my dad finds me watering my weed plants and i get caught smoking up with my friend by his mom. My dad freaks out because i do weed... tells my he payed someone to spy on me... told me to change my last name.. tells me im the cause of his problems and depression. Thanks dad!?!? I move in with my mom, she imediatly puts on restrictions... i can't go out unless she talks to the parents, has phone number etc. I keep smoking weed with my best friend.. at this point i have bad trips everytime i do weed.. my friend is cool to still smoke up with me. Had one cool night at my moms house when i got really fucked with my friend. My mom slowly turns even more crazy.. the house has to be perfectly clean 24/7! Grade 11 ends bad.. loss of friends, depression, and this is when i started loosing who i was. I also lost most of my material things when i left.. but w/e its just material shit. I then go chil at my bros for half the summer. Come back.. had a good vacation. Move into my new house with my mom. My mom didn't like me sitting around all day during the summer.. going to bed at 1am-6am and waking up at 1-2pm. She wanted me to get a job blah blah blah. So school starts and she makes a contract for me to sign. If i don't clean the bathroom she takes away soap and shampoo... if i don't get a chick pregnant during university i get 2000$.. if i don't take out the garbage she takes away the keyboard and mouse to the comp. really stupid shit was on the contract. So i start school, still have depression, still smoking.. more alone this time. circle of friends is getting smaller.. both parents are crazy. Not fun at all. One weekend both my parents say "I can't help you". That night i was home alone.. no tv or computer cause of my mom, so i had nothing to do, i was alone.. so it cut myself for the first time, and OD'd on some pills with DXM in it.. had a cool trip when i was sleeping. I get sick one week and had a high fever... i thought i almost died. I was sleeping but still awake and had the coolest experience ever.. where i saw the most beufiful girl ever in my head.. but then i saw her form with light.. and i tried to grab her but fell down.. when that happened i had the coolest feeling come over me. Then it happens.. this weekend. Thursday - my mom takes away the computer cause i forgot 1 small grocery bag of garbage. My mom then tells me i can't watch TV. So like i have nothing to do.. no money to go out.. i just stay in my room and listen to music. She also tells me later that "I got rid of your father.. and I can do the same with you" I left the house feeling depressed and hopeless... the only thing that made my happy was this one burnt CD i had with the Used and Moneen on it. Friday - after school my friend comes over and were going to the football game... my mom is really crazy at this point and wouldn't give me money/cell phone anything!! so i left, smoked a bowl with my friends and went to the game. It sucked ass.. i got depressed and was way anti-social.. and everything i saw was negative! One guy almost pulled a knife on me.. that night the small circle of friends i have turn out to be asses. I leave the game before it was over go back to my moms house.. only to be locked out of my room... i need to find somewhere else to stay! I call my only TRUE friend.. and he says i can crash at his place. I finally get there and smoke some bowls with him.. i have another bad trip.. but thats not the point anymore. Its saturday now, im at my dads.. i can't stay here... and can't go back to my moms... now i have to move again, away from where i grew up.. im going to stay with my brother and his gf.. hopefully things will get better. Throughout the past 2 years i've had the best and worse times of my life.. but i beilive i grew my spirit and explored the spiritul side of the world with this experience.. i can never describe what i think, see and hear when i get stoned. Its unreal. Its depressing, but intressting and cool at the same time. Now im a totally different person but i feel the real me is waiting to come out. I feel i've lived life in a good way... i was never a bad kid! I was always good, and listened to my parents! I never make fun of anyone.. i've never been in a fight with anyone.. never said anything bad to people! And this is what i get? I guess so hahahahah. This is a long post but doesn't come near to what i really went through.. some people say that im just a teenage kid that hates his parents.. but the truth is they really are crazy! I love life and its full of beauty, i just wish that i could have enjoyed growing up more... maybe theres something good coming my way in life but i haven't reached that point yet. I wish everyone in the world to be happy Even if im not. Everyone deserves happiness... its sad to hear people who try to kill themselves and that are depressed. When people say they're depressed i get sad cause I know what its like and noone should have to go through that! Everyone keep smoking everyone have a great time! And just have fun!! Life is great and I hope you see that it is! I hope this isn't too long for y'all. Thanks for letting me get this out... it helped. Later
Wow...man...that's a laundry list well I would defanitly get a job if I were you..are you on your senior year in highschool? I guess your moms paying for college. ?? My parents were pretty crazy as well...the best decision I ever made was getting two jobs working my ass off for 8 months then moving out.I smoked all the time at both of them..and made enough money to live on my own for 5 months with no job..just hang out...watch tv ..play xbox..make a mess. don't clean it up..parties..bars....it was fun I clean up after myself now, I have a job, I go to school...but that five months was great...I did absolutly nothing soo..I dunno....I don't really know enough about your situation to make a call on this ..if your moms paying for your college..I would just humor her..and do what she says..until you can get the hell out of there in a year
Adolescence is hard for everyone... it's just a little harder for some, than it is for others. I hope you're not looking for anyone to tell you what to do, because, at least for me, I don't have a clue as to what you should do... But I would like to think that if I were in your position I would use college as a way to get out... if Mom's paying, great... just go as far away as you can...of course, I'd say that even if you are paying for college on your own. I'd also try not to hold onto what they did and how they treated me. My adolescence wasn't great... I left home 3 days after my 18th birthday... I just turned 23 and so far I've only gone home on vacation. Don't get me wrong I love my family, but I needed to be on my own...and I didn't have college as an option at the time. I'm still learning about myself, and I'm discovering qualities I never knew I had living with my mom...This is the best time in my life. I wish you nothing but happiness and fun.
Wow, that really sounds like a hard time to grow up through. Its good to hear that you didnt let depression get to an extreme point, and that you can see the positive aspects of life. I hate it when parents let there own problems out by taking it out on their kids, its not right, they can really influence the way someone turns out. I have a friend who has an unstable mum, she takes out depression on her, telling her how she is never going to get anywhere, along with lots of other negative things. Altough her mum can be a very nice person aswell. I know how depression can get to my friend, she hates being at home alone. She is a very nice person though, and luckily has built up a lot of friends who help her. As long as you have a good friend, then its not all so bad, they are there for support when you need it most.
the whole time i was thinkin that sounded similar to my own life... so believe me when i tell, i can kinda understand where ur comin from. goiin thru some hell right now actually... i can only hope to reach ur perspective on life...goodjob.
wow parts of thta sound exactly like my life. my parents threatened to take away my computer n tv cuz of drugs n shit. i know how depression can be, im not just sayin that. it seems like youve dealt with all that shit pretty well, i mean you could be in alot worse shape if u turned to hard drugd or whastever just keep livin ur life and hopefully things will egt better
better days are coming once the vally stops it goes up hill. thats all i know to say, and if you your haveing so many bad tripps on weed you may want to give it up alittle intill you get in a better mood.
Well I know where you coming from. I grew up on the rough road too. Broken homes arent fun. Only with me there was incredible melodrama associated with the relationships and my parents tried to disguise their hostility by passing me back and forth like a bounced check. But fuck them! Im at where you are now. I've gone through rough shit I've gone through good shit, and I'm stoked about life. Only my ex girlfriend is suicidal because im not in love with her anymore. Not quite sure what to do about that.
whoa.. my ex is also suicidal cause i don't like her! Thanks for the replies everyone... it seems like things are going to get better. Its such a fucked up situation.. but i've gone through 2 years of it.. so another 9 months wont be bad.. and if it is im just going to move in with my bro! And yea quitting weed for a bit seems like a good idea... i hope life doesn't get boooring without it lol
Sounds like a hard time bro. Dont worry though, we all go through tough times, and we all get through them better people. I would recomend getting a job. A job will allow you to earn money, therefor not having to rely on your mom to give you any. It will let you interact with other people instead of sitting around the house all day. I met alot of cool ass people at my first job, i also met my first couple dealers there too. It also gives you something constructive to do, helps you to take your mind off whats going on at home. You seem pretty upbeat though, which is cool. Girls are a crazy bunch. Im sorry if your ex is sucidal but if u care about her, try to talk to her and explain why you cant go out with her. There is nothing in this world that would make me upset enough to kill myself, espically a girl. But when i was 16, my first g/f broke up with me and i took it pretty rough. Just remember yor young, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Weed is different to everyone. It really helps me relax and put things into prespective. For you it might be different, and if you think quitting would help you out then go for it. You gotta do whats best for you.
Here's hoping things start to get better for you, amigo. It's only through lifes obstacles that you can grow as a person in spirit and mind. Wow I sound like Dr. Phill. Chin up.