I was, and am a raging alcoholic. I don't post on here much, as I am in the army for the time being so weed culture isn't really a part of my life anymore. I still got mad love for the culture though, and as soon as my contract is up in 2019 I plan on going back to smoking. Alright back to the topic at hand. I have always struggled with having an addictive personality. Everything I have ever tried and liked, I want more of it, and I want it all the time. Sex, drugs, alcohol, food, everything. My journey with alcohol started about 10 years ago when I was 15. The very first time I drank I blacked out. Woke up the next day with a pounding headache, gut wrenching nausea, and several concerned friends telling me embarrassing stories from the night before. I swore off alcohol, for good, or so I thought. For the next few years I didn't really drink heavily, I smoked weed and chilled with friends until I was about 20 years old. My drinking started getting a little more frequent until my 21st birthday. 4 days after I turned 21 I was arrested for a DUI. During the year after I was enrolled in a diversion program. I was randomly drug tested, had to take substance abuse classes, pay fines ECT. Every 3 days after I would take a drug test I would drink about a 5th or a 5th and a half per night getting shithouse drunk. During this time I was living at a friend's house, acting like Trevor Philips from GTA 5. I almost burned the place down one night from trying to start a fire in the woodstove and passing the fuck out in the middle of it. After I got out of my drug and alcohol classes I went back to smoking weed, but I still relied on alcohol. I would drink 4 to 5 nights a week, but not too heavily, so I thought I was good and had it under controll. When I was 23 I decided to join the Army. I got clean, started running every day, eating right, preparing myself for basic training. I went about a month with no alcohol, or weed. I decided one night to go out and buy a bottle and have a drink. I drank the whole thing. The next day I woke up, and I bought another one. At first I'd just take a few shots the day after to curb the hangover. Pretty soon I was drinking about half a fifth through the day to catch a buzz and another fifth that night to get fucked up. Eventually I stopped buying fifths and just went straight to half gallons. 1.75 ml. These would last me 2 to 3 days. I did this up until I went to basic training. I remember the night before shipping out staying in a hotel that the army put me in swearing that I wouldn't drink. I made it until about 9 pm that night. I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I was sweating, shaking like a dog passing peach pitts. I went down to the hotel bar and ordered a few drinks. After all I deserved it, this would be the last drink I take for my 6 months of training. I got shithouse drunk and had to be escorted back to my room by hotel staff at about midnight. The next day I had to be up by 5 am to catch my flight. I woke up still mad fucked up got ready and stumbled to the lobby where I would catch the bus to the airport. As the alcohol wore off and I flew out to fort benning georgia, the hangover and withdrawal started to set in. I ordered a few in flight drinks to curb the hangover. I made it to Atlanta where the bus would pick us to to take us to benning. By the time I made it to benning the hangover was in full force. The first 3 days of reception were fucking hell. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't fucking concentrate. It was Georgia in the middle of winter in fucking basic training going through withdrawal. I was your classic shitbag soldier. I didn't fucking care about anything. By around the seccond week I got my shit together. I made it through basic, AIT, and I was off to my first duty station. 6 months later. I'm a brand new private, E2 at my first duty station. Fort bliss Texas. Never been healthier or more in shape in my life. No smoking, no alcohol. Just morning PT and army food for 6 months. I felt fucking great. My first night here I decided to celebrate by drinking of course. I had the next day off, so fuck it? I got a 1.75 ml just so I had it the next weekend. I woke up the next day and thought, fuck it, for old times sake let's do a little day drinking. I ended up drinking all day and we'll into the night knowing full well that I had to be up at 6 am to go in process into my unit. First day, first impressions. I wake up at 6 and fucking drunkenly lock myself out of my barracks room while I'm taking a shower. I fucking call the CQ desk, they have me call staff duty. Staff duty has me call the barracks manager. He comes over and unlocks my room to let me back in. I have 25 minutes to get in uniform and find a ride to get to the other side of base for my orientation meeting. I call an uber to take me, the uber driver notices the smell of alcohol. Says, "late night huh?" I laugh it off, show up 5 minutes late. I get the living fuck smoked out of me for showing up late. First day, first impressions... I make it all the way through processing to my unit drinking every day, but not having any major issues. I start doing morning PT (morning exercising) with my unit and I am instantly pegged out as the unit drunk. Showing up every day, fuming out the rest of the unit during morning runs with whatever my poison from the night before was. During the week I'd limit myself to a fifth per night, during the weekend I would start drinking when I woke up and wouldn't stop until I went to bed. I never got in trouble though because I got into a rhythm and always woke up on time. I was a hard worker too. I picked up E3 in 8 months. I made friends with the other barracks drunks, and let the good times roll. After about a year or so of doing this is when shit started to get weird. In December of 2016 a friend of mine overdosed in the barracks. It hit hard. So I got the bottle hard. I started drinking before morning work, during lunch, and pretty much any other chance I got. I had my ads chewed out several times for operating and Abrams tank under the influence, as well as a 50 cal machine gun. I was told that I had to go to the Army Substance Abuse Program. (ASAP) I enrolled in asap, and of course I still drank. I just tried to keep it hidden and under controll. For those of you who don't know, if you are caught drinking while enrolled, it's an automatic discharge from the service. I kept my shit hidden for about a week until I showed up smelling like alcohol again. Yet again I was given a second chance. Over the next month I was caught 5 different times. From e5 to e8, they would just take me outside and smoke the fuck out of me. I tried quitting, but when I would I would start to get suicidal thoughts. Or start halucinating, or start having really bizarre irrational thoughts. I had to drink to get rid of them. One 4 day weekend I landed myself in the hospital after trying to take my own life. I had a .403 BAC as well as some other shit in my system. I remember laying in a hospital bed strapped down coming down from my bender. They kept shooting me up with medication to keep me from seizing. After they detoxed me I was sent to the 11th floor. The psych ward. I stayed there for 3 weeks before getting sent to a 6 week rehab in San Antonio Texas. I got out of rehab and I drank the very first night out. I woke up the next day and realized that alcohol wasn't fun for me anymore. I don't enjoy it. I get nothing buy heartache out of it. I have now been clean for 10 months. I made e4 this last August, and am not going through BLC to make e5. I'll be a sergeant in less than 6 months. 2 years ago if you would have told me where I'd be now I'd have called you fucking crazy. I figured I'd be dead or homeless by now. I had lost all hope. There is hope though. If I can do it anyone can.
Good on ya mate! Most functioning alcho's have a good work ethic as and know how to get by in life ( I know). I work in an industry that drug/alcohol test randomly and not just a swab test but a full on piss test so drugs show up but if you stop your drinking at 10pm you generally get by. Some stoners carry synthetic piss packs or their wifes, kids piss, I cant be fucked doing that so just drink and drink real hard on the weekends.Still to do what you have done - thanks for relating your storey. Sent from my GT-I9507 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
For sure man. I was good at cheating the system....until I wasn't anymore. It worked great, until it stopped. Some people can do it for decades. I wasn't one of those. I don't know if I'd ever be able to drink again. I Definately plan on getting out and smoking weed. I wanna get a low stress job, use my GI bill to go to college and just smoke. 1 year and 3 months left.
Hey man, I wanted to chime in because I've been through it. Alcohol has been more damaging in my life than hard drugs. (Not allowed to discuss those so I'll leave it there) I quit the hard stuff about a decade ago and then ended up in prison for the better part of the rest of said decade. When I got out, I planned on just smoking weed but my parole officer was pretty gung-ho about testing so I started drinking again. I was still on house arrest when my habit got bad, I was clearing out a handle (not a fifth) of Sobieski every night. Every morning I was amazed that there was almost nothing left in the bottle. It was a vicious cycle of wake up, go to work (the only movement I was allowed), hit the liquor store and go home to pass out. I think being lonely and my shitty self esteem played a big role. Being in prison so long, all of my "friends" turned away from me and I felt like the biggest loser nothing on the planet. I did this for 5 straight years adding marijuana to the mix after I got off of parole. Eventually my tolerance began to reverse, my hangovers became unbearable and I got sick every few months or so where my liver was so inflamed, anything that went down my gullet came back up. On the morning of December 17th, 2015 I woke up with dts. I tried to stave them off by having a drink but I couldn't keep anything down. Anything that hit my stomach was automatically projectile vomited back out. I had tried to quit drinking probably a dozen times in those five years and I never made it more than a few weeks. I thought, this is my opportunity to finally kick the habit. My body won't even let me drink, what can I do? I called my mom, which is pretty much my only family, and I told her everything. She stayed with me for a few weeks until I stopped shaking and throwing up. The memories of those weeks withdrawing are great motivation. I have an addictive personality. I get addicted to anything I try, and I tried a lot of things and have been addicted to damn near everything you can think of. I grew up around Cabrini, had no parenting in my life and I had an unlimited income from the time I was around 13-14. Toxic combination. NOTHING was as difficult to stop as alcohol. Nothing was as difficult to stay stopped and the withdrawals were the most agony I've ever been in and I've been shot twice. You have my utmost respect for making it these 10 months already. I see a lot of my own words and thoughts reflected in your posts and therefore I feel like our struggles are more parallel than not. Brotha from anotha motha, knowhatimean? The good news? After the first year, the obsession subsided. I hit a point where I was depressed a few months ago and I said fuck it and I drank a beer and some wine. I HATED IT. I was super uncomfortable and nauseous the whole time. Nowadays I stick with good OL weed and it's more than enough, I hope this is the case for you when you get out. I've also been diagnosed with bipolar (type 1 or 2, depending on the dr.) and BPD. I know this is contrary to popular belief, but marijuana helps me stabilize my moods. I use specific strains for specific ailments. I've noticed that Blue Dream has helped me the most for controlling my mood swings. I still have them but they are not as extreme. The reason I mention this is because one of the reasons I was drinking so much is because I was self medicating. Good luck. Keep your head up and if your will is faltering, just ask yourself, "Am I ready to throw away the xx months/years I've already been sober?" Is it worth the shame and the guilt?
I was you but in the navy. I worked hard and played harder. So fucking glad I don't drink anymore... it's been a decade since I touched a drink after years of off and on drinking. I dropped my shitty friendships and bad habits then my life turned around. Lie with dirty dogs and get fleas... Glad you're sorted and you're squared away. Your life will get better then you could have ever believed. Get as much training and apply yourself to whatever you can on the last of your time in the military. It will take you far.
I feel you there bro. There's too many times that I woke up the day after drinking having no fucking clue what I did the night before. I'm a destructive drunk too. It's Definately to self medicate. Most of my immediate family has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. Most also have a history of mental health issues as well. Suicide and bipolar disorder are all to common in my family. Ive never been officially diagnosed as I dont want that to effect my career in any way, but I know deep down I was drinking to mask my own fucked up thought process. For sure. As soon as I get out I'm using my GI bill to go to college. They will give me BAH and tuition. Might get a low stress job like working at a dispensary to offset some of my living cost. That's plan A. The other plan is to stay in and take the green weenie for an additional few years to work off some of this debt. That's one thing about the military is that it has pretty damn good job security. I can't tell you how good I've felt these last 10 months being able to go to PT in the morning not feeling like I just got ran over by a garbage truck. Or not having to hide the smell of alcohol from the higer ups. Not drinking Definately has more pros than cons.
I would gladly smoke weed over drinking... but after one certain experience weed has given me nothing but intense anxiety.. i've tried alot of different ways of smoking but it all comes down to a very uncomfortable high.. So I've been an alcoholic for a few years now drinking almost everyday.. And i read this post a few weeks ago and said fuck it ill try and quit for awhile.. Legit worse 3-4 days i ever felt.. probably only slept a total of 5 hours in all those days Sitting in my chair sweating shaking cant even think straight really... So i said fuck this and went and got drunk Alcohol is a fucked up thing if your abusing it
That's the thing with alcohol. People don't take it seriously. People think it's fairly harmless, and it is if you drink responsibly. For a certain percentage of the population it can be extremely detrimental though. Alcohol withdrawals are worse than any sickness or pain I have ever felt. The emotional and physical agony of detoxing off of it are fucking miserable. Have you tried just taking little baby hits? I know when I haven't smoked weed in a while and have a fresh ass tolerance, I can't smoke much or I'll wig the fuck out with anxiety. If I just take a baby hit here and there I'm fine though.
Microdosing Weed for Anxiety [Complete Guide] I started out microdosing for the same reason after a 10 year break from cannabis. I smoke cbd strains, indica, and indica leaning hybrids. I use a vaporizer at low temps.
i have tried Just taking a small toke to slowly and steadily get high.. but im always in this mindset of.. Oh what if anxiety happens again what if this and what if that... but i also feel Drinking plays a big role in that anxiety department... say i havent drank all day and all night not a drop... the next day i do feel a pretty intense anxiety.. im thinking what would help is probably go a straight month without a drop and try to ease into the weed because i really do miss the days of just getting stoned and watching videos or going outside.. i use to smoke everday for like 3 or 4 years