This is long but I will try to keep it good, but please blades read this and give me your advice I REALLY need it. So blades this is the story of a guy who once had an amazing woman from the other side of the world, so full of life and adventure you knew it was impossible to truly have her. That even if you thought you had her she was so into her own world, so into life's next amazing adventure that you could never truly have her, because she cannot be contained and will always be looking for the next thrill in the world. For the moments you had to become only another story for her to tell years later. But yet still appreciating the moments you had, meeting such a rare amazing soul. But now that she left me, I find myself so confused about life and how I'm actually going to travel. So blades toke on, and read a story of life and putting together my puzzle, I would REALLY would appreciate feedback so please stick through! So I have always dreamed of traveling the world, I rant about it and felt different because I was the only one not talking of just getting a degree and becoming a worker for someone else, making their dreams come true and never being truly free to travel and live life full of adventure. Experiencing beautiful cultures and people, just everything it has to offer. I just turned 22, live in Florida and met a girl from the other side of the world and she taught me so much about traveling and all the things she was going to see and do after her year in America was done. I was just amazed to learn how different things were outside of America and she taught me all about backpacking and how people my age travel. It was so amazing to be with someone so adventurous. She felt the same way I felt about everything...only I hadn't done anything yet. Well fast forward to recently, her year in America was up so before she went back home to New Zealand she did a 3 week tour of America (New York,Cali,Grand Canyon, Vegas, etc.), and then goes home, after a week of being home she breaks up with me. We both just turned 22 and I met her about 6 months ago because she was in Florida doing the Disney college program. Well she went back to NZ since her program ended about a month ago and she decided to leave me once she got back. She left me because well me and her would talk about traveling the world and seeing and doing it all, about goals and dreams and seeing every culture and country because that's how you truly live a rich and amazing life. Well she came to America for a year and did so much, met a bunch of friends from all over the world, travelled the country, did it all here. So once she got back home she noticed how everything was the same and all her friends/family were exactly the same and nothing had changed so she hated being home home because she finally started her dream of traveling and went to America, came home and instead of going to Europe to backpack she's waiting for me.. so I get where she was coming from. So she decided that she wasn't going to wait for me or anyone and that she was going to pursue what she originally planned to do once she got back home to NZ which was to work and save for a year, get a 2 year working visa for Europe and literally just buy a one way ticket to London, show up and look for a job and own place to live just like that with no exact plan because it's "part of the adventure of traveling and living life" she would say...I always admired her ambition and how amazingly adventurous she was. So there she goes to London, moving onto the next amazing adventure, traveling and living in Europe.. So now I'm just left here lost and confused. How am I going to do this as well? It's weird it's like she goes off to now pursue this plan of traveling and I'm just here wondering how I'm going to do it. I don't believe in school being the answer to everything because all you do is go to school, get a job, slave under someone else to make their dreams come true, and then your only travel is "vacation" and that just becomes life, all those dreams just a memory and I can't let that happen. She agreed as well and didn't like how hard it was to live and work here yada yada and I learned that that's how it is in America, it's like brainwashing. But anyways I learned that traveling for her is different, she can get a working visa since NZ is a commonwealth country to Europe as opposed to Americans only being able to visit for a few months and cannot work. So basically all I can do to travel is save, go there, travel until funds deplete, and come back until the next time. I don't have the option to just go to Europe and work as I travel for years, that would be amazing.. so how do I do that? It also sucks because even though 22 is a young age literally everybody seems to pressure me because 22 everybody is now finishing college and blah blah the countdown of life is ticking they make it seem.. But I have so much to see and do exactly like her, overseas they're raised SO differently, to travel and work and live life. It just sucks I couldn't really say much when she left because it was respectable what she was saying but it's like I'm being left behind... I'd hate to be still stuck in my little area I've lived in Florida my whole life and know that she's traveling, backpacking and living some amazing adventurous life. So what do you think about all this? Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
You'd be far less clueless about how to get to where you want to go, if you weren't so fixated on what she's doing and where she's going. You're young and impressionable. If you really want to travel and you really want to get out of the box you've lived in your entire life, you will. She did. And it's not because she's from a different place, or because it's just so hard here that it's impossible- it's because she was motivated. I mean based on what you've said about her and the amount of traveling she did in the time you guys were together alone shows that this is someone who isn't just talking about, she's being about it. Of course you respected her decision. How could you not? You're at two completely different points in your lives, moving at radically different paces, for radically different destinations- two ships passing in the night, essentially. It's not for any of us to tell you how to get to where you want to go. "No one's gonna give you a map, you gotta walk your own path." You want to know how you get from Point A to B, no matter what the two points are? You have to hate Point A enough. Enough that you scrounge every dime you have for your dream. Enough that you actually do research and figure out how to live in a more favorable way. Enough to completely devote yourself to what you want, instead of falling into complacency, being slightly motivated, and then repeating the process, as most people do. Enough to give up being, as you correctly put it, a working slave or a student in route to being a working slave. Your dream is infinitely different than a lot of our own. I'd be bullshitting you if I told you I had all the answers for how to get you from here to there, when I'm still working on getting myself out of my own box. Take it a day at a time. Small increments of progress.
Wow, your response was so perfect and true, wow. You're so right, I need to get over her and stop dwelling on her actions.. it's just that this particular situation the reason why I was dwelling on what she was doing so much was because my entire life I have wanted to travel and life a truly adventurous life, but so far I was just doing normal things my age and once I met her it was so just mesmerizing hearing the way she talked and the stories she told and where she was going to be as well, the best way to describe it is she was seriously one of those extremely rare girls you would see in a love movie or something that's just so mesmerizing and different. So we had all the same dreams and goals, etc. and while she was here with me it was the most perfect thing I could imagine. So with her it seemed like my puzzle had been put together, now I knew that it was going to be with her and that we would backpack the world together and as you could imagine from a girl like her I figured it was all going to happen and with our plans it would have.. but then she leaves just like that and to travel and do it all, living the adventure that is life, and I'm just thrown into confusion now that I feel like I'm back at square one. She showed me a whole new world it's just I didn't know that there were people like her doing things like she was. It was all I knew, you don't hear people talking about leaving and backpacking countries and just showing up to a foreign land with no plans because its "part of the adventure" yada yada, over here it's just school, degree, etc. So in a way I was content not having to worry about every little detail because I knew it was going to be with her and together we would map it out. But when she dropped the bomb and left I was so confused and I really did feel like she had all the answers because we had everything in common and the exact dreams and goals and that's what she is going to achieve. So in a way I felt like she had the answers I was still so confused about. I refuse to be this ship being passed by as I simply watch in awe even though it's my dream as well, I refuse to just be left behind again because I wasn't acting, I refuse to be this person watching the world go by while I go about my circle of a day in a slow motion instead of making dam well I'm doing everything I can do to actually do what I want. So, still it's just a matter of accepting, getting over and making my own path right?
I think it's a matter of a lot of things: Financial security/stability, spontaneity or your ability to just kind of say "fuck it" against your better judgement for small steps towards your dream over a job that pays hourly, whether or not you even have the same dream a year from now. The majority of us are so young, it's impossible to say with absolute certainty that along the path we've chosen, we won't abandon the route for something else- perhaps something we either love more or becomes a compromise. Sometimes to have the lifestyle you want, you have to compromise in certain areas and overcompensate in others. An example of this, which I think would apply greatly to people interested in traveling, would be the "starving artist" lifestyle/mentality. "Fuck money, it's about being able to create." Alternatively some choose to pursue high-powered careers and miss out on cultivating themselves individually for the money. These aren't absolutes; many people have families after going out and seeing the world, and many starving artists find success and do make money (no job means total commitment which equals getting really good at your craft or passion). However, in a world and country so competitive, it'd be naive of you or anyone else to expect to succeed simply based off how motivated you are in the moment. I find myself constantly reality checking myself and pushing myself to study more, to know more, and to be better, because the reality is that dreams get crushed in this world just as quickly as they come into them. If traveling is your dream, you'll have to learn more about the world, cultures, the ins and outs of how different cities, towns, and countries operate. You'll mostly be doing this through personal experience and revisiting old favorites (because let's face it, who gives a shit if you don't remember the places that don't thrill you), but it's important to become well-versed and maybe learn some rudimentary-level second/third/or fourth language as well. Crime, kidnapping, and the targetting of foreigners, is a common practice on any continent except Antarctica. Becoming familiar and maybe seeking some sound advice from people interested in the same thing would be wise, as I have yet to do extensive traveling, although I hope to go to Japan and backpack Europe within a year while I go to various tech-related conventions, talks, and hackerspaces pursuing my own ambitions. If I'm not mistaken, @AR Toasty is quite the seasoned adventurer and traveler. Perhaps he can contribute, or you can acquire some knowledge from him.