My friends handed in this essay in high school

Sophomore year haha

Pat O
English 2 Cp Per.4
3/25/09
Ms. K

Disclaimer: this is a satire and does not intend to offend anyone

​It was a cold summer morning in the town of Saint Petersburg. The townspeople were going about doing their everyday things, until they heard a scream from Aunt Pollies house. The people found Aunt Polly slaughtered and blood all over the walls and ceiling. Now this had never happened in a town like this, and the people were very suspicious of one man. His name was Jim and he had arrived in the town the same morning that Aunt Polly was found. He seemed like a suspicious man he was negro and had red stains on his shirt and pants. After interrogating him for exactly 23 seconds, the townspeople were certain that he was the murderer and sentenced him to be hung. Jim was furious with this decision and was determined to prove his innocence. To help prove his innocence, Jim asked Huck to leave the town and search for the person who set him up. The man that set him up was a long slender child molester by the name of Skooter Poonington. This man was responsible for the kidnapping and consuming of small Indian children. He was also toothless and smelled of rotting cabbage and tobacco. When he crossed paths with Huck he slipped whiskey in his glass of water and when Huck woke up he felt light headed and butt sore. He vowed to kill this man one way or another. Then when he found Jims skin made into a skin suit that Skooter puts on and wears around his cabin in women’s panties, Huck was so outraged he grabbed Skooter by the throat and choked slammed him out the window. But then he realized he accidently choked slammed Scooters’ Puerto Rican maid in the heat of the moment. The hunt for Jim’s killer was still a heated topic! When Huck discovered what he had done, he was beside himself. He felt like someone he hated…HIS FATHER! How could he get so angry that he could choke slam a Puerto Rican maid? Huck had a vendetta that must be solved! Months went by and Huck became skilled in the ancient Japanese art of bukkake…I’m mean Ninjitsu. He vowed using his Ninja skills that he would kill the man that had skinned Jim and made him walk like a penguin for a week. He searched in bars and back alleys for weeks on end, until one stormy night he went by his local donkey brothel to look for Skooter, and he finally found him! Skooter came at him in his underwear, charging like a rapid moose! He was holding an ice pick and a broken bottle of Jack Daniels! Huck closed his eyes and ripped out Scooters’ head off, or so he thought!!!! He accidently ripped of the head of another Puerto Rican maid who happened to be working at the Donkey brothel Huck went into a dark spiral of depression and eventually hung himself from a ceiling fan, however the fan snapped right as Huck was about to croak, because he got severely obese over the recent months due to heavy consumption of elks loin. After that he took a jet ski and rode it down the mighty Mississippi until he wiped out into a fishing boat a couple of days later. Skooter was later found in a dumpster, he was covered in Jack Daniels and vomit. Jims killer has finally been avenged, not by Hucks heroic efforts but by the good ole faithfully Jack Daniels!!!!