my dad is BULLSHIT...NEED ADVICE PLEASE

Discussion in 'General' started by TokinBlue, Nov 24, 2005.

  1. alright, this is prolly gonna be kind of long, but please read, i need advice badly on this(STUFF THAT WOULD HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED, or atleast some kind of constructive thing).
    also, please dont laugh at me, or post laughing, i know some will but just dont post that i dont want to read that and it only further pisses me off

    Ok, so i come home for a little weekend break about 7 weeks ago, its 6 in the morning and i wanted to check out my dads new phone. Parents are in bed, all is well. I am just checking out the phone seeing its features, its a RAZR and I had never seen one except on tv and thought it was pretty sweet. well just for the hell of it (i dont know what made me do it) i look under his text messages (he always bitches me out for using em and i wanted to see if the ass did himself). well i see a 1 next to the outbox and sure enough he sent atleast one. well i open it up to see what he sent and i couldnt believe my eyes. it was a pic of him in a hotel (i know because i could see his legs, feet and if u knew my dad his weird toes are a giveway) naked on a bed with his nasty ass wang there and under it are captions he typed "I love you I miss you, hope to see you soon." i was in fucking disbelief my parents would send sick shit like that to each other BUT NO the number was no reconized by me, in fact it was a different states area code (i looked it up to see where to and it was somewhere in indiana). my dad sent a naked pic to some fuckign person in indiana saying he loved them. UMM thats not mom asshole. well anyways i told a few close friends who just kinda laughed it off and that was the end of it, i never confronted him about it and shrugged it off, but my friends said i should bring it up with him over winter break.

    Well here i am on winter break and its about 330 AM and i went to check his phone about half an hour ago to see if the pic was still there. Well it wasnt so i was going to let it go, then the phone vibrated and he got a voicemail(cant get into it dont know his password) well about 3 seconds later a text arrives from the accursed number from last time. it said and i quote "almost of work, wish it was friday...i just keep holding that thought to get through this. did you get your son a phone today? did you go outside and do your lights today? i love you very much hope to hear from you soon pooky..."
    HOW MUCH SHIT IS THIS!!!!????!!!!!

    well i forwarded the message to my phone which is password protected to turn on(he doesnt know it) and i have it saved on my comp which is doubly password protected. Now here is my dilemma. I would love to barge into his room and beat the living shit outta him, mayb kill him for doing this to my mom. on the other hand this would probably break up their marriage and i dont know how my mom would take this. i could also blackmail him into buying me stuff for my silence in the matter but that could turn bad also( my dad is VERY physically fit for his age and can litterally lift me up and im about 330. he lifts alot for his job because he delivers food and hence a lot of strength) dont get me wrong, i can whoop some ass when angry and believe me im feeling pretty psychotic right now and could probably take just about anyone. i want this to stop and want to tell my mom but i dont want to hurt her and i know this would devestate her. im not going to act unrationally here, and wont act until i hear some responses. i plan to stay up everyonce in a while and check out the phone and do the same thing of sending it to mine and backing it up. im pretty pissed here and typing quickly so forgive me for spelling and other mistakes
    goddamn blades and bladies, help me out here
     
  2. wow. read it all. not something to laugh about. lets break this down scientificaly

    Problem: Dad is obviusly cheating on wife, has been for some time, and has hidden it from wife, IE - lied.

    Acceptable Solution: Immediate cease and desist of all erronus activies, with ammends being made after the fact, as much as is reasonable and possible.


    Options

    a) confront father
    b) tell moither, have mother confront father.
    c) blackmail to buy silence on your part.
    d) let it go.
    e) other, if we think of one.

    the way i see it. D is out. it aint fair to your mom, and from the sounds of it your mom and you are the same as my mom and me. it your mom. dont be unfair to her.

    C is out for moral reason, no amount of money could buy my silence on an issue like this. maybe you, but not me. i would feel to dirty, and it would sperate my dad and me.

    B, if your the one who tells your mom, she could let it go and live with it, which would be hell for her. it could ruin the marrige, it could result in an episode of 'wives who kileld their husbands for cheating on them' and i IMAGINE that hearing this from her own son would be a tad out there. shed probably rather hear it from her husband. expect denial at first, acceptance after you show proof, but itd have to be off his phone, not your computer, or her denial could make her belive you faked it. that would only drive you two apart.

    A) is possible, but if he gets violent you could be in for some hurt. he coudl deny, but then proof would show him otherwise, he could try bribery, which i assume you woudl turn down. he could opt to stay with mistress and leave wife. destroying marrige. if he is primary income for the household it could ruin your mothers quality of life.


    if i was in that situation i would send him a text with your evidence as an attachment that says ' i know. tell mom and end it. or i will tell her myself. call me.', this avoids possible violence (which you said he COULD do) as your speaking over the phone. explain your situation, and how he has fucked up, what this coudl do to your family, and then suggest a way of him fixing it. (end it with the home wrecker, confess to mother, apologize, puthimself in the doghouse, let mom monitor all phone convos, go the rest of his life castared, whatever he has to do.)

    tough card youve been dealt by life man. best of luck to you. hope you do the right thing, it can be hard to think while angry.
     
  3. My advice is to stay out of your dad's business.
     
  4. Wow... that's pretty shitty, man, I'm sorry... You could just sit down and talk to your dad, and tell him, you know about the woman in Indiana and you're calling him out... Just give him the ball... but don't let him get away with it, thinking no one knows...If he's doing that to your mom, then she should know, don't you think? Would you want to know? I wish I could help you, but this is a decision youare going to have to make on your own. Good luck...

    ~ Terpsichore
     
  5. alright well i have it on my phone as evidence to, sent from his phone with the number who sent to him with it, and my dad is primary income, mom makes money but dad easily triples what she makes, altho if divorce in this case im sure shed get the fuckers money
    thank you for your advice +rep to you novnia

    however, dirty pete, it is MY business partially what my dad does, because once it enters the realm of CHEATING on my mom it is MY business, because anything that could hurt her, will hurt me. and i believe i asked for advice on how to fix the situation(or what i intended) not some bullshit response like that
     
  6. i gotta go finish smokin this half of a blunt first, I need some inspiration for this problem.

    alright

    let's compare your situation to the Matrix, one of my favorite movies. Your dad lives in a fucked up fantasy world, a world where it's cool to have a wife and a mistress on the side. he obviously lives in the "matrix" of stupidity and moral degeneration if you will..

    you gotta ask to speak to him alone. Tell him the story about wantin to examine his RAZR, and consequently coming upon the messages quite by accident. Don't condemn him and use phrases like "how could you do something like this" or "you're a fuckin shit bag", etc, etc. Instead use things like "I'm concerned for the welfare of this family"..Try to identify with him somehow. It may be that he hasn't been gettin any action lately from your mother. Now, I realize that is no excuse for runnin off with some bitch, but if you can work that angle of it, he'll be more co-operative.

    Next you gotta present him with the blue pill(keep on doin what he's doin without givin a fuck that he's hurtin you and your mother) and the red pill(immediatly end this relationship on the side)...
    he knows you know, now the question is what will his choice be?

    he takes the blue pill, you have a decision to make. it's either go to your mother and tell her, or do nothing about it. The way i feel about this, is that if you have knowledge that this affair is going on and choose to do nothing about it, then it'll just fester inside you. I think that your mom has the right to know something like that.

    he sees the errors of his ways and takes the red pill, and substantially proves that he has given up his mistress....maybe you could approach it differently, and perhaps keep it between you and your father.

    Now i know you're all sayin, "but wait ipack, didn't you just say that you thought his mom had a right to know that?" Well, yes i did...but i also believe that everyone should get a chance to correct the errors of their ways.

    *disclaimer*
    you know your dad better than any of us...it may be his personality type that when you confront him alone with this info, he might just flip out
     

  7. i bet if you saw a girl being raped in an alleyway youd just walk right on by. right?
     
  8. No, you didn't ask for advice on how to fix the situation, you just asked for advice. My advice is leave your dad alone, it's none of your business. That's my opinion, not a bullshit response. You think it's your business, then don't take my advice, and listen to someone else. It is also my opinion that this is not a situation that can be "fixed". Life isn't as clear cut as that, you can either confront your father, or don't, but don't expect there to be some magic solution that will just fix the whole thing and make it so that nothing ever happened.
     
  9. fair enough...


    ...i suppose:rolleyes:
     
  10. That is the most irrelevant thing I've ever heard. What the hell does it have to do with anything? You think cheating on someone and raping someone is in the same catagory? Well, if thats the case then you have some seriousely fucked up views on the world.

    I don't appreciate you jumping to such a ridiculous conclusion.

    BTW, if I saw a girl getting raped in an alleyway, I would kill the fucking scumbag doing it...unless it was you getting raped. Then I would stop to watch, and chuckle to myself.



    EDIT: To TokinBlue, sorry if I came off as sounding like an asshole in my other posts, it's just if I were in the same situation I would just choose to stear clear of the whole thing.
     

  11. it is simply a more extreme problem. you say that it is not hsi buisness. however, ti effects hsi mom, i can only assume he lives with his mom. if it effects her, it effects the house, if it effects the household, it effects him, therefore, it is his buisness.

    here is a better one for you.

    your in a store, you see a guy grab a $1200 whatever and walk out, alarms dont go off. do you tell the store owner? after all, its not your buisness.

    how about this one. your out with your grandma, homeless guy walks up, asks for change, while shes going for her purse, he goes in the pocket and grabs whatever shes got in there. do you tell your grandma? not your buisness, right?


    it is not about wether or not its your buisness. its about doing the right thing. the rape example was jsut an extreme version of the same line of thinking.


    "Not my problem this high school girl is being brutaaly gang raped in an alley. Not my problem."


    Same line of thinking.
     
  12. Again, this is a matter of opinion, I already gave mine. I think of my parent's relationship as their busines, I don't get involved. If my dad was cheating on my mom blatently, and brining home strippers and whatnot, then I would get involved. But if I found some random text messages on my dad's phone I would let it go, I don't want my parents snooping around on my stuff, so I give mutual respect towards their things. If my dad was say, beating my mom, that is something that requires you get involved. This doesn't appear to be a situation that I would want to get involved in. How does he know his dad didn't just meet this person on the internet and has cybersex, and share naked pics with her? Is that so bad? Do you consider it cheating? I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one, because it's clear we have opposite opinions about it.

    As a matter of fact, no I wouldn't tell the store owner unless I knew him personally and liked him. Shit if someone can grab 1200 bucks and not get caught then more power to them. But I think this example is irrelevant to the discussion at hand because it involves two random people, not related to me in any way, and nobody is being physically harmed.

    Again, this is a ridiculous example. Of course I would do something about it. Unless my grandma was a royal bitch, then maybe I wouldn't. But it just so happens I love both of my grandmothers and would beat the shit out of anyone trying to rob them. This is irrelevant also, maybe if you asked if I would stop my uncle from taking money from my grandmother's purse without her knowing. In that case, I would talk to my uncle about it first. Ask him why he's doing it, and what he needs money for. If he gave me some bullshit excuse then I would go to my grandma and tell her.


    The definition of what is right and what is wrong is subjective. Different people have different morals and values. I happen to believe it is wrong to interfere with my parents relationship in the context of what is being discusses (finding text messages, and blabbing to my mom about it) Therefore, in my eyes by not doing anything about it I would be doing the right thing. In your eyes I'm doing the wrong thing. Right and wrong vary depending on the individual. When you try and force your view of what is right and what is wrong on other people, it leads to bad things.

    I already talked about the rape example.




    EDIT: Again, TokinBlue, I'm apologise for going so far off topic. I'll try to give you some better advice here.

    I would advise you to ask your dad about it. Just ask him if he actually has met his person, or if it's just a cybersex/internet type of thing. If that's the case, I would personally let it slide, its no big deal in my eyes. However if he says that he has met them in person, and has had relations with them, ask him why he feels the need to cheat on your mom. You might not like the answer you get, but try to really talk to him about it, don't just yell at him and judge him. Try to be understanding. If you just yell at him he will probably just lie to you. Maybe he is in love with someone else, and maybe a divorce is what he wants and just doesn't know how to tell you or your mother.

    Shit, I dunno, I just don't think you should go directly to your mom about it. It's important to get first hand knowledge of what is really going on before making judgement.
     
  13. consider this:

    In God's eyes, all sins might be equal, but we live in the real world. We have shades of grey.

    Now, everyone has different moral compasses and core values. The majority of us have good moral character and values, that is to say, if we saw a rape we would at least call 911 on the cell or attempt to do something about it. it's only a very small percentage that just says "fuck it, nothing is my problem..i only give a shit about myself"
     
  14. ok, i think this little confrontation can be over now, pete stated his opinions, thanks for even caring to look, and novnia gave his opinions, thank you as well

    and as to ipak, that is quite an interesting way of looking at it, in now way did the matrix enter my mind at all. i personally cannot see my dad flipping out, however i never saw him having an affair either so my image of him, anything i saw him as may as well be flushed down the drain because for all i know he has been lying his whole life. i plan to sleep(god help me to even pass out, been drinking pretty heavy and it will set in soon) on the situation and possibly decide outcomes tomorrow.

    the thing i worry about at this moment in time is this : my dad is a truck driver for a food distribution company meaning he goes on the road for days at a time(usually 4 tops) and even if this little slut on the side is dealt with, whos to say he wouldnt just do it again. this is probably one of the largest decisions i will have had to make in my life thus far as to what to do and now that i have been talking it out my rage factor(wanting to bust down the door and just murder him now) has subsided some and my mind is collectively forming out scenarios as to what should be done. I have never really felt this down before, but as im sure there are plenty of you out there who have felt worse and im not trying to lay down some pity story. at this moment in time i feel alcohols effects and shall go play some video games. thank you for responses, whether bad nor good, just looking at my posts shall be good enough for me, and i look forward to more posts throughout the day

    EDIT: thanks pete for giving some other insights, i didnt even think that it COULD(but i doubt) just internet thing, and i would have seen the recent posts but i was going through this rant and im probably going to go lay down since the walk seemed like too much effort and i cant walk that well anyways
     
  15. Tokin, the thing that you gotta know is that this situation really sucks ass...And there is a really good chance that shit could get outta hand, real fast...

    my first blunt this mornin will be dedicated to you :smoke:
     
  16. my mom also has a razr..

    anyways man I dont know what i'd do.. if you don't live with em I probably would just let it work itself out..I guess the only thing I'd do is one day confront him and show him your phone with the txt on it.. the one you sent from his phone.. and say why the fuck did you send me this text message? Pretend like you dont know what it was and then he'll probably be in such shock.. I'm not sure.. just an idea.
     
  17. ill be living here until beginning of Jan then back to college for 11 more weeks, but your idea made me laugh kinda hard, just be like, "dad who the fuck is pooky" haha man i think that would be funny but i dunno im gonna think it out a little more, mayb "gather" more evidence if he still keeps making sloppy mistakes, kinda reminds me of some peoples weed situations where they get sloppy in their comfort zone then get caught
     
  18. hmmm well i dont really know what to tell you on this one except that i most definitely wouldnt go showin all that shit to your mom or else you can garuntee that if they get divorced that your gonna feel like its your fault, because in a sense about 50% of it is, let your mom figure it out on her own i'm sure she'll look through his phone at some point in time, as far as blackmailing him i dunno bout all that, but i would definitely let him know that you know, garuntee he'll be actin a hell of alot nicer to you, and he'll most likely woop your ass for lookin through his phone.... cuz i know i'd beat my kids ass for lookin through my shit
     
  19. First off, I agree with Dirty Pete, what the hell were you thinking looking at your dad's text messages?

    but what's done is done and given the information you know, I would suggest telling your dad you know and make it clear that it must be stopped. If your afraid of it getting violent do it over the phone, or send him a letter or something. It dosen't matter how you tell him, just make it clear that it ends or your going to talk to your mom about it.
     
  20. If you feel you need to do something, speak with your dad alone. Tell him that you know and ask him what's up. I wouldn't try and blackmail him, he is after all, your dad. You never know, your mom may know all about this already. First things first, talk to your dad about it and see what he has to say.
     

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