My Car story

So I got high and decided I should write a book.
I've always wanted to but never actually sat down to do it.
Well now I am. It's pretty much gonna be about my summer in Savannah. Which completely changed my life. Especially one miraculous event that totally turned my brain upside down.

I call the book Lovely Irene because the event is what happened when I went hurricane chasing Hurricane Irene with my buddies.

But this is not the book.
This is just a rough draft of the beginning I just wrote.

I just wanted some feedback on it. And the story, I think, is pretty good.

Please give me constructive criticism



My life was going nowhere. Stuck in a rut was barely describing it. It was more like a war trench. I was stuck in a corner, with grenades blowing up everywhere around me, like everyone else's lives. And I was in a corner, with sandbags all around me. Crying.
I felt a change was coming though. I was about to hike up my boots. Tie them tight and throw my sandbags in everyone's mouths. Those who say, “He's wasting his time.” Eat my sandbags.


I moved out of my mom's house. Finally. I was turning twenty-one on December first. And I moved in with my sister and her fiancé. I told them that I was going to sign up for the coast guard. And that I wanted some time, free from mommy, before I went. But truth be told. I had NO idea what I was doing with my life. But one thing was for certain. I needed to cut the umbilical cord, the one that has had me choked around my throat, and disturbingly enough, my balls too. I needed to get away.

I've been working in the Polish Market for three years. Racked up some money working full time, and felt that I was making enough money to move out, and pay rent and live on my own. I was to pay $350 a month. And I was making approximately $800 a month. Plenty to have fun with when your twenty one.

I moved in November 31st. I moved in everything that day. By bed, my dresser, all my clothes, my weight set, and my beautiful drum set. My birthday fell in the middle of the week, so I didn't go out too crazy. After unpacking all my shit, we all relaxed a little. Then at 12 we went out to a small bar, and got some drinks, legally, and some free, and left.
The real celebration was to happen December 3rd. A date I remember quiet vividly. It was to be a celebration of a life time. I had a shit load of money. And the plan was first casino, then strip club. And of coarse get wasted. I was going to act like a monkey's first time drinking it's own pee. A wondrous new world, being twenty one. That's probably not a good analogy.

It was the night. December 3rd. Things will get crazy. It was 7:00. I was to go meet my friend Anthony at his house to do a little pre-drinking. Then head out to the casino to lose, or win, all of our money.
But first things first. I need money. I head out to the A.T.M inside Huntington Bank. I pull up next to the bank. I notice a bunch of people hanging out outside of the bars. And I put my car in park. And open the door. Then I notice it's winter outside. And fuck, it's my birthday, I need a warm car. So I leave my car running, with the keys inside, doors unlocked.
I walk into the little room with the A.T.M after I swipe my card to get in. Making me feel like a V.I.P. Because it was. Because it's my birthday. I walked up to the A.T.M, with my pimp walk, and put in my card and withdraw $400.
But in the middle of doing all this. Thinking about the night before me. I hear something outside. Something just doesn't feel right in the air. I look out the door, check out my car. But I can only see the rear bumper. And that SEEMS fine. I go back to the A.T.M. “Does this complete your transaction?” it reads. Yes.
My spidey senses are tingling. I go check out my car again, and there it is again. My rear bumper, seems fine. But then, I slowly see it rolling away. It hit me like an invisible mega ton force shield. MY CAR WAS BEING STOLEN! I go to open the door. But it wouldn't open. It was locked. My baby was being taken away from me and this fucking door won't OPEN!! I'm shaking the fucking thing hoping it would just collapse, when I notice a sign. Please Push Red Button To Open Door. FUCK! I push it then bust out that bitch like a bat outta hell. I see my car! I go run after it with everything that I have. My first car was being stolen and I felt as if I was running like a cheetah. I pull out my cell phone mid run and try to dial 911. Which is pretty difficult while running, and your mind is in a panic. Then I see he's actually stopping. It was a stop sign. As soon as he saw me he hit the gas and peeled out. Hearing that made me realize I'm never going to catch a car on foot. So I stopped and called 911.
“911 What your emergency?”
“My FUCKING car got stolen!!”
“OK sir where are you?”
“I'm at Huntington Bank in Mt. Clemons and he went north on Gratiot.”
“OK Police are on there way.”

I immediately call my sister. No answer after calling three times. Called her fiancé. No answer after calling twice. Called Anthony. He picked up and I told him my FUCKING car got stolen. He asked where, and he's on his way.
I immediately start sprinting back to the bank. To meet a cop as he just pulled in. He asked the license number. Then radio's it in and we wait.
I go run to a crowd that was standing outside of a bar and ask them if they had seen the guy who stole my car. They say no. And as I walk away one of them suggest that maybe if I got a haircut, then that wouldn't of happened to me. Yeah, thanks asshole.

I go back the cop. I was just standing there in disbelief. My hands crossed behind my head, looking up at he sky, thinking about what just happened. Then let out a big FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!! At the top of my lungs. And I kick a light post and punch the side of the bank. Thinking that will resolve my issues. I scream every curse word in my immediate vocabulary. And then apologize for my animation to the cop. And he said “It's cool. I'd probably be doing the same thing.”

“Fuck“. I sit down on the curb and wait for the voice on the radio. Then one minute later I hear the dispatcher. “What'd she say?” I ask. “They found him. He was going the wrong way down a one way street.” He replied.
Alright. My optimism just rose.
Then seconds later I hear that he is doing 90 mph down I-94 West bound. Toward Detroit, of course. This could be bad. He's running away from the cops. But somewhere, deep in my head. I was thinking, this is kinda cool. My car got stolen, and is now involved in a high speed chase.
Until I hear the radio say “ We're gonna need an ambulance” And the cop says “ There goes your car dude.”
“Fuck.”
We instantly get in the patrol car. And just as we are about the go, I remember that I left my wallet and my cash in the A.T.M. That's the last thing I need. For my wallet and my cash and card to be stolen. The cop quickly goes in the room and grabs my wallet. But no cash or card. I put that worry in the back of my mind, slightly knowing that the machine eats the card back after a certain amount of time.
We race towards the scene of the accident. Flying through the city streets, and onto the highway, hitting 100 mph. On the way I ask the cop, “ When we get there, can I just WHOOP the guys ass? Or at least punch him?”
He chuckled and said “I'm sure the boys are giving him a few hugs right now.”
I smirk my evil smirk, hoping he's getting a Rodney King beating. Then fantasize about the things I would like to do to him.
We pull up to 4 SUV cop cars, 5 regular cop cars, a fire truck and an ambulance. All with there lights on. It was quite the scene.
Then I see my car it the ditch. Wrecked. The whole corner of my car smashed. My first car. Totaled. And not even by me. By some fucking 19 year old wigger. Whose drunk ass thought it would be a good idea to steal a car. Well fuck you mother fucker. If I ever fucking see you walking down the street you better crouch down in a corner, covering your head so your vital organs don't get hurt too much. Because I'm gonna go to TOOOWWWNNN on your asssss…… whoa… sorry.

Well anyway back to the story. So I'm sitting in the cop car, and he tells me to hold on while he goes and talks to some cops. Then I call Anthony. He tells me he already there, and been waiting for 5 minutes. Somehow beating me. Somehow beating the cops. I tell him to wait for me, I just got there.
The cop comes back and tells me that I can go inside my car and get anything I need out of it. He hands me his Mag-Lite and I go inspect the damage.
The walk down to the car was as if I was walking on a treadmill as the tall grass flowed past me. But the car staying the same distance away. I did not want to see. But I had to.
I go to the front and the entire driver side front corner was smashed in. The wheel was bent in. Then I go the back and see a big dent in the bumper.
I go look inside and see the airbags have been deployed and there is blood on one of them. Good. I see his shoes near the gas pedal and his hat in the back seat. My I-Pod is nowhere to be found. Another tragedy. And about 30 bucks worth of accumulated change is missing.
I take my registration and a few papers. Then sign a few things and head to Anthony's car.
I hop in.
A few awkward beats.
“ …Dude. What the FUCK just happened?!”
“ You want a cigarette?” He asks.
I don't smoke. But I reply “ Fuck yes I want a cigarette.”

 

Really? Awesome. Thank you.

Hell yeah it felt good. Didn't change anything though.

 

hahaha. right on. where you from?

 

haha. they did. this happened in December of 2010. So its all behind me now. I just felt like writing.

 

Nobody ever pays me in gum.