My Cannabis Journey 1995-Present

My Cannabis journey started in 1995. I was at an older friends party and we got a bag of weed from one of partygoers. Smoked a joint and felt nothing. Fast forward to a few weeks later — we tried it again, this time I finally knew what “getting high” meant. It was scary at first, but I remember going home and eating the best bologna sandwich ever and thinking Ace Ventura was comedy genius.


A few months pass and I decide to try it again. This time I’m home by myself, step outside, light up and I LOVE IT! Smoked everyday for about a year. Never had any issues, smoked whatever, whenever.


Full disclosure - my cousin sold me a bag of mushrooms - also, we’re a year into my cannabis use so I was down to try anything! After a light party, I went home and pulled the bag of shrooms out and ate a few. Couldn’t wait to start seeing things! I was super excited.

An hour passes and I feel nothing, so I went to sleep - as soon as my head hit the pillow, the worst feeling imaginable crept up on me. Somehow I managed to hold it together, but inside I wanted to scream. I really thought I was dying.


Made it through the night and tossed out the rest of the mushrooms along with my stash of weed. Told myself that I’d never touch a drug again. But as soon as I got home the following day, I pulled the pot out of the trash.


The next couple weeks I was a bit nervous smoking, but all went well. I kind of forgot about the mushroom experience. But that was all about to change.


That same week I had to get a deviated septum corrected, I realized that I couldn’t smoke with my nose plugged full of gauze, so I ate a few buds. Yes, I reached into my bag and pulled out a few buds and ate them. Dumb, I know. Nothing happened again. I thought I felt high, but chalked it up to being a low dose or something.


I went and shut the light off to go to sleep and BOOM, the same feeling as the mushrooms! I was HORRIFIED! This time, I couldn’t make it and woke my parents. I was pleading with them to take me to the hospital - told them I did drugs. They called the hospital who told them I was having a reaction to the codeine in my pain pills. So, needless to say, I freaked out all night while my mom and dad stayed up with me. As I write this, I can almost feel it.


The following morning I poured myself a bowl of cereal. Somehow I made it out alive and my parents didn’t know! As soon as I took a spoonful of cereal, the feeling happened again. This time I got my mom and grandma to take me to the ER. As expected, I was drug tested and my mother and grandmother heard as the doctor told them I had THC in my system.


Surprisingly, I wasn’t grounded. But felt awful. The same day I was released, I tried smoking. It sent me into a panic attack that I’ll never forget.


I suffered with depression and severe anxiety for about a month. Switched high schools and started dating a senior. I was totally infatuated with this girl. So it should come as no surprise that when she asked me to smoke with her, I obliged.


I smoked the joint and she led me to the bathroom where she turned off the lights and started to unzip my pants. In that moment I freaked out from the weed and had her drive me home. It was totally embarrassing. Our relationship didn’t work out, but that was the last time I used cannabis until I got my medical card in April of this year.


From the time I stopped smoking weed until now, I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, GAD, and depression. I’ve been on an antidepressant and benzodiazepine for 24 years. Went from Zoloft to Effexor XR to Celexa. On the benzo side: Xanax to Klonopin.


In those 24 years I struggled with my own mind, sometimes to the point of causing a panic attack, which felt like the “mushroom incident” every. single. time. I’ve been to numerous counselors and psychiatrists. Truth be told, I blamed the mushrooms my entire life and still do.


I began medical marijuana because I’m at the point of back surgery and will not take pain medication. The one thing that caused me my worst trauma was about to become my ally.

I stared small, using a g-pen and CBD strains. Yes, I got a few panic attacks and the scary thing is that I’m causing them with my overthinking - it takes me right back to the mushrooms.


I graduated to a PAX 3 and vape up to 5 times a day.


I’d have my great days and bad days. Always thinking back to the mushrooms.


Every so often, it feels like a switch goes off in my head and I suddenly feel depressed, like I’m about to cry. Sometimes I’ll have strange, obsessive thoughts about life, the universe, the human brain, am I losing my mind, am I damaging my one body, why am I doing this to myself, thinking of another dimension - weird stuff.


But I always come back to earth, even if I feel uneasy, like I do now.


Recently, I moved my family into a new house. My routine was trashed and I had to get used to a new house. I felt like absolute fight or flight for 2 weeks after moving in. Some of it got better, but I can still ruin a good experience with my overthinking.


I’m seeing a new counselor and trying to retrain my brain to think positive thoughts.


But I’ve been there. I’ve witnessed first hand how powerful the human mind is. My mind has been expanded.


This was very hard to type out - it made me uneasy, which is why this post reads nervous.


I want to know I’m ok and these are just thoughts.


Thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully understand.