My book

Discussion in 'The Bookshelf' started by Stylez, Aug 25, 2003.

  1. I used to write Starcraft - based I'm onto more fantasyish ones, plan to actually publish this one when its finished...heres chapter one..if you like it, I'll write some more.

    All written here forth is Unpublished work © J G C 2003-2004 and is not to be used without permission or it will be considered plagerism and copywrite infringment. I remind that there are tools available that will be able to find if you stole something from the internet, even from a marijuana site.
    thx yas;)

    Rhedris looked out his window, his black hair blowing slightly with the wind, but it was cold chilling wind. Rhedris shook his head and laid down, intent on resting before he had to depart. As soon as he closed his eyes it seemed, there was a knock on his door.
    Rhedris stammered to his feet and went to the edge of his room, took a candle off his old shelf and lit it. "State your name and business." He yelled into the staleness of the room, as important sounding as he could, if he were someday to be rich, he must practice.
    "Just an old man, looking for someone who goes by
    the name of Rhedris." A voice cracked, his voice was old and torn, as if too much smoke had passed through his lungs in years past. Rhedris came to his old wooden door, and opened it slightly, he looked out and saw a very short fellow,either a man who had lost so much height from age, or
    a dwarf of some kind.
    He was hooded in all black and his hood that covered most his face flapped in the wind, and he was
    indeed a man, yet he had a wise aura about him that would come with such age.
    The man opened his mouth as if to talk, but ceased, as
    if thinking how exactly he should word such things that were in his
    mind. Finally he said "You don't know me, and I barely know you, not as I'd like to anyway, but I have something you need to know. He paused for a moment as if to catch his breath, and he coughed, then continued.
    "Your name is Rhedris Ildury, is it not?" Rhedris raised an eyebrow and nodded.
    The man recalled something in his mind, and
    continued on. "Your a fatherless son, and a motherless child, are you not?" Rhedris nodded, then said "I don't have time for tales of my own life,
    please get to the point," Rhedris paused and thought to himself it was better not to be rude to the man, then continued "at least come in for supper, where we can talk more comfortably."
    The man quickly replied "No No, I mustn't, the news I bring must be told with haste, grave things
    are happening in this world, right beneath your very nose." Rhedris head perked up, and looked at the man. It was then he saw his face truly, not just a black figure in the wind, he saw it with great detail. The man looked old beyond possible, yet still sturdy. He had gray hair, and wrinkles from his eyes to the ends of his face, but he still looked as though he could hold his own if the need arose, but not with physical force, something else, something he couldn't quiet get a understanding of. Something...Arcane.
    Rhedris figured it was best not to dwell on it. The old man continued, staring into Rhedris' eyes. "You hold a blood
    far thicker than you would know." He looked behind him as if he heard something, then quickly continued. "You come from a line of warriors of times long forgotten, but different...much different than normal warriors."
    The old man began to speak again, then stopped. Rhedris looked up to see what caused the halt in the old man's hasty
    words and saw his eyes bulging as if struck with surprise. He made a groaning noise, then began to fall face first to the ground.
    Rhedris quickly caught him before he struck the ground, and saw a knife sticking straight as an arrow into the back of the man.
    The man looked at Rhedris, and smiled, before his eyes slumped back into his head and passed from this existence. \t
    Rhedris looked around in search of the old mans murderer, and saw nothing but darkness and faint figures of deer in the distance, but nothing recognizable. He put his ear to the ground and listened for a moment. "A single horse, about a half mile off." Rhedris muttered to himself. At that moment he didn't have an Idea of what to do. It was by far the strangest day of his life, but he thought it would also be the most influenceul.
    Then one thing snapped to his mind, and that was a proper burial for the old man whom he barely knew, who had fallen dead in front of his eyes. He could think of nothing, so he took one of his old fishing boats and a plank of wood to place on top of it, and dug a hole in the darkness of the woods. He thought it was a foolish thing to do while the assassin who had killed the old man was still about, but he gave his life to tell Rhedris these things of his past, and he thought it had to be done.
    \tAs Rhedris was lifting the body to put it into his crudely built coffin, Rhedris noticed something glimmering in the mans hand. Rhedris nearly dropped the body. He caught himself, but remained stunned and alarmed. For moments ago, the same hand was open and had nothing. Rhedris carefully laid down the body, and moved to wards the mans hand.
    Rhedris inspected the man once more..he knew him so little, yet felt like he had known him since he was young. He set aside all thought and carefully opened the mans cold fingers, one by one.
    Rhedris looked in awe upon what he had found.

    edit* took out the concept of eteabris
  2. C'mon, man...turn the page...what was it?

  3. I don't like this book..... It just teases and doesn't please...

    I'm with RMJL!
  4. which is why its just the first chapter :)

    if I get enough response i'll continue to write more.
  5. here goes..

    He stammered back, barely able to comprehend what he was seeing. In the man's hand lay a pendent made purely of gold, with the ensign of a dragon with swords in each of his sides, and an arrow in each hand. In the land of Krendeu gold was considered a gift from the gods, being so rare that most nobles would never glance upon it in their entire existence. The emblem upon the pendant was unknown to Rhedris, yet he somehow felt compelled to it. Rhedris looked closer..he noticed there was a letter on each end of where the pendent closed, an A and what appeared to be an E. "The rest of the writing must be on the inside" Rhedris thought aloud. He tried to open the pendant..but to no avail. Figuring he would fidget with it later, he hurriedly took it and clasped it around his neck, and hid it under his tunic. Rhedris continued his burial, and said a silent prayer to Miavoh, the god of all deceased. Rhedris slowly began the trek back to his cabin.

    Rhedris pushed open the door to his lowly shack. He sat upon his bed, and pondered the words the old man had spoken to him before his death. "Etaebris" Rhedris repeated to himself. He pondered the days events..he, of all people, was of warriors blood? Rhedris sighed and laid down, head still swarming with memories of the long day, and slowly but surely, passed into sleep.

    edit : took out the concept of Liaunt, makes the story go too quick.
  6. the opening sentences could be easier and more accesable... but once i read on.... ok.... i'm hooked.... i gotta read the whole damn thing now.
  7. mmm? explain what ya mean by accessable.
  8. nooooooooo!

    i knew i shouldnt have tried to give any constructive criticism... its like english class all over again. lol. hate it hate it hate it. fuckin english class.
  9. lol...alright never mind then ;)

    what'd ya think of the rest of the book?
  10. post it and i'll tell ya

  11. pfft..not writtin yet..writing as I go along..and im lazy :p

  12. Rhedris eyes sprung open from their sleep. He heard a pitter patter upon the cabin. It was storming outside, he thought, and whether he had slept only hours, or into the next day, was impossible to tell, as windows shown nothing but rain and clouds.

    Rhedris began to stand up, when he felt a cold chill go down his spine, much like he had felt with the wind the night before. He grabbed his sword from its resting place beside him, and hopped out of bed. He slid the sword the scabbard as he listened intently for a moment, he heard not but a constant pitter patter upon the roof, and in the instant it took for a pitter to turn into a patter, Rhedris felt a horrible chill go through his body, as he turned to fall, he saw a black robed figure in the place where moments ago nothing stood.
    In the second it took Rhedris to recover from shock, the man had lifted his head to reveal what looked as a white face, as if sun had never touched what evil was under that hood. In the same second it took for Rhedris to reach to his scabbard, the black robed man drew a dagger from his sleeve and flicked his wrist. Rhedris attempted to roll out of the way but felt a hot flash of pain in his left shoulder. He finished his roll to see a dagger sticking directly from his shoulder. Sword from scabbard Rhedris thrust forward at the man, who dodged backward as fast as possible, avoiding Rhedris' blow. The man pulled an all black longsword from at his side and Rhedris again brought a slash down upon him, only to be parried by the man and then thrust at himself. Rhedris found himself on the defensive as the man beat down upon Rhedris with his longsword, a horrifying grin on his white face.

    Rhedris backed over his table and fell. Attempting to take advantage of his foes folly, the man began to take the blow that would end Rhedris life. Rhedris felt his locket slip out from behind his tunic, and Rhedris saw the Robbed figures evil grin turn into that of Menacing hate and shock, he looked at Rhedris with eyes filled with shadows, and Rhedris took advantage of the man losing his concentration. Rhedris kicked the mans feet from under him and slashed his sword into the side of the mans skull. Eyes of shadows slowly changed into nothingness, as the man's head slid off the blade of Rhedris' sword and onto the floor.

    Rhedris slowly stood to his feet, the indentation on his sword of a raven was filled with blood. The raven was the mark of his old barracks..when he had served for the Cold City of Liaunt. It was there Rhedris had gained most of his swords skills, and there where he had mostly grown up.

    Rhedris looked to his shoulder, dagger still sticking in him. He pulled out the dagger and felt a hot flash of pain, then quickly wrapped it up in some tattered cloth.
  13. oooooh...what happens next...i gotta got me's one of my favorite kinda stories

    tell some more, please? :D

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