Munchie Murder

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Loganpdice, Jul 27, 2017.

  1. Alright so this story is pretty descriptive and pretty nasty so if you have a weak stomach be warned. Other than that, it's pretty fucking funny.

    So one night I smoked like 5-6 bowls within an hour with one of my good friends from HS and was stoned as a motha fucka. I didn't know what was about to come next at the time. Before my toke sesh I hit up the local Kroger and raided the munchies section. (Aka chips, candy, cookies, etc.) I picked up some nutter butters, Oreos, hot bbq Doritos, jalapeño chips, and some filled twizlers. I don't know about you guys but sometimes I get stoned and can't control my munchies whatsoever. This was one of those nights. I sat on my couch and ate a whole 2 rows of Oreos, a whole 2 rows of nutter butters, both bags of chips, and more than half of the family sized twizlers. After all that was said and done my high self wanted some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, so you already know I whipped out a bowl and some milk and did the deed. After I completely stuffed myself into another dimension, I thought it would be nice to smoke one last time before going to sleep. So I hit the bong a few times and happily fell asleep.

    Now this is where the story takes a turn. I wake up about 4 hours later and walk to the bathroom and I kid you not I looked like a 6 month pregnant woman with how big my stomach was. Like how big your stomach gets after thanksgiving dinner but instead of decent food like turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes it was sugary bullshit that I had just ate. So I wake up with like a massive headache that turns to a nasty stomach ache. So I did what any normal person would do at the time and sit down to try and take a deuce. As soon as I sat down I got that acid reflux feeling in the back of my throat and knew shit was about to get real. (No pun intended) So I'm sitting there trying to think of anything else to make my stomach feel better when I feel a massive belch coming on. So mid shit, I tried to just slowly squeeze it out and no joke, I probably threw up 2 gallons at a pace of 40mph. I'm saying this shit flew out of me like some demon just took over my body. Now I'm sitting here, pants down to my ankles, mid shit, and I just threw up all over my legs, pants, the floor, everything. I'm so fucked up in the head at this point I have no idea how to handle anything better yet function. Then I feel a second wave coming on, and while attempting to switch from a squated shitting position down to my knees over the toilet to a yacking position, i projectile yuked all over the shower curtain, all over the toilet seat and again, on myself and the floor. I could literally taste every sugary food I ate that night come back up again. My puke was the color of the outside of an Oreo, like looked like some tar just oozed out of my body. I finally get my head where it needs to be and finish getting whatever's left in my system out of me and passed out where I was. I wake up with my head and hands hanging in the toilet and one of my best friends at the time banging on the locked door. He has no fucking clue what he's about to walk into. Now at this point I swear I was possessed because after all of that shit I went through, my ass couldn't get off the floor, I was like half dead. So with all my might, I reach up and unlock the door and he comes in and said he was immediately scarred for life. I was still butt ass naked with my pants at my ankles, shoes still on, shirt off, and literally puke everywhere. It was like I could hear him talking to me and I wanted to respond but I couldn't move or form any words or acknowledge him. Anyway, that was an awful clean up and a terrible night but one of the most insane stories of the munchies that I've ever had. I've never had a situation like that ever again in my life and I've smoked nearly every day since. I definitely learned my fucking lesson though when it comes to smoking at night with unlimited munchie food. Well that's my story, and I haven't eaten an Oreo since that day, haunting memories. Hope you enjoyed, let me know how you like my first post. I might post on here more. Since I smoke everyday, I should be able to come up with more stories to tell.
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  2. You'll be wanting to use this thing called formatting if you want others to read what you put down.

    Here's my participation..

    So me and my broski are chillin and we order pizza. It was some crazy deal where you get three pizzas for the price of one. It was taking a long time, I was really fucked up and I passed out before it showed up.

    So I get up the next morning and remembered pizza was sitting downstairs somewhere. I walk down, passed my bro who is out on the couch, through the hallway and into the kitchen. There it is, three boxes of pizza.

    So I grab the first extra large supreme with extra everything and it's empty. As is the second box. I'm talking not even crust. At this point I'm between pissed and admiration. Fucker ate two whole extra large double topping pizzas to his dome.

    Then I saw the third box. I was thinking "could he.... Is it possible.... That fat fuck eat three monster pizzas to his fucking head?" So I grabbed the box and it was heavy. I got to say I felt a rush of relief that there was pizza still there. I was ready to go fuck my freind up. So I open the box and he ate all the toppings. That fat fuck ate
    Two pizzas and the toppings off of the third.

    I turned around to march down the hallway and fat fuck was standing there, looking I'll. Instead of fucking him up I asked him with some trepidation "you all right"? He didn't say a word to me and ran his fat ass strait passed me into the backyard.

    I was like "dafuq"? And ran after him. I looked out the open door and there he was in all his glory... Power puking all over..... And my dogs were eating it. It was fucking awesome! He was trying to tell yell / cry for help as gallons of pizza puke poured forth in a tidal wave of destruction. Then he shit his pants. Then my dogs started barking and dancing around him. I swear they were laughing at him.

    I was laughing SOOO fucking hard I was crying. Fat fuck fell down and was rolling around on the grass, still puking, pants stuck to his ass with shit soaking through, my dogs going back and forth between eating pizza puke and kicking fat fucks ass all over. Glorious is how I would descibed it.

    I locked him out of the house and told him he wasn't getting in till he stripped down and hosed off first. It was a cold autumn day too. I did let him in to use the shower after he scrubbed off thoroughly under the hose and threw his stuff in the garbage. I also gave him a pair of shorts and a shirt to get home in. I also dropped him off at home.

    As he was getting out of my car he asked timidly if I was going to tell anyone what happened. I laughed maniacally as I drove off. We called him "the mad crapper" and "fat fuck" even to this day. And yup, I told everyone who would listen about it.
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