Most Intense and Beautiful, Spiritual Experience of my Life (Long)

Was back in India over summer. Was wanting to go to this place called Kodaikanal, shroom capital of the country, it grows by the fields and acres. It is technically illegal, but the law enforcement is next to non existent.

One day I was sittin round with my buddies (couple of stoners and some non-stoners), and we decided to make a spontaneous trip to kodai that very evening.

Long story short, the rest of them backed out. I told myself I was going, on my own, it was something I wanted to do, and I was in a spiritual state, trusting the universe completely.

Headed back to my place with the stoners, had them roll me 4-5 js for the trip, smoked a couple of jays with them, packed bare basics and about 2500 indian rupees ( 60$) for the trip. Dressed like a vagabond, intentionally. Usual attire is very well groomed, t-shirt/shirt, jeans, boots. Wore shorts (I never wear shorts), and a very scraggly, loose shirt that I left half unbuttoned.

Left the place to my friends to chill at for the night, and left for the bus station.

Wanted to take an A/C Volvo bus for this 16 hour trip. I got there at departing time for the last buses. There were no volvo buses. I asked one of the conductors if there was a bus to Kodai, he told me that the only way to get there at that time would be to take 3 un-airconditioned, cramped with homeless people buses that connect at various villages. Anywhere in the world was my home, any and all people were my friends. I got on promptly.

Buses looked something like this:



Still had my hair spiked from a party earlier, and of course I looked and behaved nothing like the low economic strata people who were in the bus, and it called attention to me. The possibility of it bothering me never once rose up.

Decided to eat some hash. Popped a large piece of very potent manali cream, and chewed on it for 20 minutes, eating very little at a time (increased surface area gets you MUCH higher than eating the whole piece). Smoked a cigarette or a j (dont remember) out the window of the moving bus (sat at the absolute back window). Didn't care what the others thought. In fact, I found various people at the back of the bus sparking up cigarettes at their windows after watching me smoke. Constraints..there are none - take the world with you wherever you go.

Went to sleep (night bus at 11pm). Was woken up at the station tripping BALLS. Tripped harder on this hash than on any substance. Was still in my state, but was at a ridiculously dirty, smelly bus station, no clue where I was or which bus I had to get on, smiling my ass off drawing alot of attention because I was swaggering and grinning. I then saw a stray dog that came up to me wagging its tail. In that crazy world, the dog's pure and uninhibited love for a stranger was all that made any sense, and I just stood there and smiled/petted him. Can't find an exacting pic of a similar bus station, but this one is close in how crowded it is. All the bus stations in my trip were 5x as dirty and not nearly as sophisticated (the pic is a bus station in a metropolitan city, these were village bus stations)

Managed to find the right bus and got on. It was a beautiful night ride, the scenery was gorgeous, and the wind in my hair was just fucking fantabulous. Smoked a j or two and a half pack of cigarettes out the window. Went to sleep.

Woke up to a small stop for breakfast. It was a beautiful morning, the hash had worn off. I got down, walked down to a guy selling tender coconut water and bought one. , (not me in the pic, random google pic)

Some dogs were playing with each other with unbridled ebulience. I just stood and watched. Smoked a J while watching them.

Got back on the bus and carried on. The next bus station wasn't too far off, and I reached there mid-day in sweltering heat. I ate breakfast at a nearby small-time local eating house, and got on my bus and waited. Was sweating balls, but was still in my spiritual state, and I loved everything that was happening to me and around me.

Note that in the past I used to have a, perhaps elitist, dislike for the locals of lower economic strata in india and the lifestyles they lead and the dirt they lived around. I forgot that I had ever felt that way, I felt nothing but love for all the odd looking characters I saw around me.

Bus left finally. Daytime ride of about 4 hours to my final destination, Kodai. Don't remember much of this ride..smoked some cigs out the window, the heat made me fall deeply asleep.

Got to the foothills of kodai, and the bus started its ascent up. The ride up was fucking beautiful. Ive been to these kind of hillstations before, but with other people and not in a spiritual state nor with spiritual intentions, and so never saw even an iota of the beauty that I beheld that day.

Finally got to kodai at around 6pm. Will post the rest in abit.

 

Kodai

Got off the bus, smelling strongly of sweat and pretty drained physically, but very ready and very excited spiritually.

Walked not more than 5 feet when some dude in a half-assed uniform asked me if I was looking for accommodations. India is chalk full of people who try to push themselves into you to sell something rather than wait for you to come to them, and so my initial reaction was the same as usual. Without thinking twice I told him no and walked on. 5 steps further I stopped. Wait a minute... I turned back.

"Yes, I'm looking for accommodations. Also, do you know shrooms?". "Come with me"

"How much are you looking to spend on accommodations?". My friends misinformed me before hand and told me that 350 rupees would get me a decent guest room to stay in for the night, and so I told him that. He gave me a dubious look for a second, then took me along.

The commercial area of this town is very small, just one street long, and is right next to the bus stand. Heres a pic of the street I found on google, the place I stayed at was just a couple of shops down.



We got there, the guest house manager took me up to the top floor and showed me into my room. The bed was clean and comfy, but the rest of the place was a mess. The bathroom was flooded, the sink messed up, and everything just generally out of place.

The guy then introduced me to a guy called Xavier and told me that he would hook me up with the shrooms. I was misinformed of the price of shrooms as well, instead of 500 bucks for 4 dozen I was asked to pay 1000 rupees. I agreed and told myself that I just wouldn't eat or spend any more money till I got back the next day. My checking account was empty.

He walked me around for awhile, some open alleyways and stuff, fluff talked too much, said something about never smoking or drinking when I offered him a J.

He finally showed me a packet of shrooms. This was my first time looking at or dealing with shrooms. I didn't think it looked like enough (learned later that it was), so I said no.
He got pissed, called a couple of locals from a construction site nearby, and demanded 500 bucks from me. This was the last 500 bucks on me. I was looking for peace, not a fight, would probably have gotten my ass kicked anyway. I gave him the money and went back to my room, scared for the first time in my life like I had never been before, not knowing what to do and utterly upset with my whole situation.

The accommodations guy then came up to my room and asked me if I got my shrooms. I told him what happened. He got very flustered and told me to come with him to deal with the guy who ripped me off. I told him to just find me another shroom dealer. I remembered that I could overdraw on my checking account, despite the high interest rate, and went ahead and drew some more cash.

The other shroom dealer told me to wait in my room, quoted the same price, and left. I sat around and smoked a cig in my room until a knock came on the door.

I got up and opened the door (no peephole). It was Xavier. Scared as fuck, I slammed the door shut and said "Go away". He responded, seemingly genuinely, "take your money back". I told him to go away. He said "I have mushrooms". I told him to go away. Then I heard the other shroom dealer get into verbal abuse with Xavier outside my room, and heard another knock. I asked who it was. It was the other shroom dealer, and he said that Xavier was gone.

I opened the door, and he was gone. The dude came in, showed me a packet of shrooms. He told me that there were a dozen fresh ones and he pointed them out, and that the remaining 3 dozen were dried. I paid him, took the packet, and locked my door.

Still shaking with fear, in an unknown land, my cell-phone not working with outgoing calls (it was temporarily barred for some reason), sitting on a small remaining bit of overdrawn money, I promptly started packing with intentions of leaving for home the same night instead of tripping on the shrooms out in kodai at night like I had initially intended to.

Halfway through the packing, my spiritual state started returning. I reminded myself why I was here, that anywhere in the universe was my true home, packed some biscuits, cigarettes, a lighter, and a dozen fresh shrooms into my pockets and left my room. On the way out I asked the manager what time he closes the front door. He told me 11 o clock, it was 8:00. It was dark out. I decided to stay out all night tripping on the shrooms; I trusted the universe completely.

I asked around for what 'beautiful places' there were around; this hillstation is a beautiful place. Realizing that I couldn't actually see much landscape at night, I chose to go to a place called Bambar Falls a couple of miles away. I found the right road and started walking. The city had started closing up, and there were only some odd, potentially shady/dangerous people around. My state carried me through without fear and I kept walking.

A taxi passed me by on the way and stopped for a second, asking me where I was going. I told him where I was going, he told me he would take me to a church near the falls (about a mile and a half away) for 50 rupees. I got in.

He dropped me off and told me which way to go. I started. The path was thin, and completely dark. All I had for a light was my cellphone torch. I would normally never have even considered walking into the unknown darkness to trip on shrooms in the middle of the night, in an unknown city, but my state carried me through ceaselessly. The sounds of the night (crickets etc) that would usually have started to freak me out due to the circumstances did not this time.

I walked and walked, coming across little abandoned-for-the-night vegetable carts and whatnot. I finally came to a place that fitted what I was looking for perfectly. It was fucking gorgeous. It was a very small indented valley off an off-road, the stream and fall right next to me, and trees and plants all around on the raised ground around me. There was a beautiful spot with grass and a comfortable indentation in the ground to relax. I sat down and took out everything I had with me and placed it on the grass. I took the shrooms in my hand and immediately started eating them. I had read that shrooms taste horrible, I loved the earthy taste of these fresh shrooms and I knew that they would be good to me. After consuming them a sense of dread flushed over me for a few seconds when I realized in totality where I was, what my circumstances were, that I was right next to an unguarded waterfall, tripping for the first time on a real psychedelic substance, all on my own in an unknown world. The dread turned to a phenomenal feeling of peace and acceptance of my situation as I came back very strongly into my spiritual state.

I sat around and meditated on the sounds and the breeze and the sights around me as I ate some biscuits and smoked a joint and then a cigarette. I had not eaten properly for 2 days now. The shrooms started kicking in fast.

to be continued

 

The first thing I noticed was that a somewhat distant streetlight on the road, that was just barely casting light on an area of ground a few feet away in my peripheral vision, was beginning to cast a stronger light. I turned my awareness to the light. It became brighter and brighter, and then extremely bright in intensity. I enjoyed this visual experience. The winds then started whispering to me. Not in tongues or in dialects, but they spoke the same words they have spoken to all consciousnesses since the dawn of time; that all is still and peaceful and perfect and infinite, and will always be so, regardless of the continuation of human existence, regardless of possible apocalypses, regardless of all human tomfoolery.

The trees around started morphing subtly in shapes, forming silhouettes of scythed dragons and such. I was aware and in complete control of my mind, I knew that it was the shrooms, and what would have been fear was a sense of vacant amusement at the morphing shapes around me.

It was getting very chilly, and I was planning on staying out the entire night. Instead of running away or moping, I reminded myself of what I am, what the first human and prometheus were capable of, and started looking around for materials to start a fire.

There was some abandoned sand for construction purposes a little way away. I found a sack amongst some litter, filled it with sand and brought it back to the place I was sitting at - being careful all the while while walking. Every time I got up to move around was a steep climb, and every time I walked back to the site was a walk very close the edge of the stream.

I cleared an area of grass from the earth, spread the sand, and started looking around for wood and paper scraps and twigs to start the fire with. I broke off dried branches and found some relatively dry twigs. It had rained the night before. I found some old scraps of damp newspaper.

I was freezing my ass off, and thought I was gonna be out there in nowhere for at least 10 hours more. The scraps of paper were my only hope to start a fire. I found that I handled them like gold, placed them piously near my sitting place as I would place the greatest treasure in its sacred hiding spot. Life is all perspective, this reminded me that very, very strongly.

I attempted to start the fire, intermittently, when the wind was not too much. The lighter was damn near out of lighter fluid. It died on me after a few failed attempts. I sat around freezing. My spiritual state was strong and I was at peace, but the extreme physical discomfort started messing with my state. After 2 hours, starting to trip even harder, I decided to try and make it back to the hotel before the manager closed the door. I got up, said goodbye to my temporary home under the stars, and started back on the path, tripping balls.

 

Tripping for the first time on shrooms and under the circumstances, I would usually have been extremely frightened by all the shadows and shapes and sounds of nature in the night. I used to be frightened by them as a kid for as long as I could remember. I felt no such fears, only immeasurable and supremely unshakable trust for the universe and me, its child.

I walked back down the path, following it thoughtlessly, in love and infinite. The shrooms created some visuals, some touch-sensory distortions in perception, some aural distortions, but most intensely and awesomely furthered and amplified the connectedness and peace I felt in my spiritual state. It was beyond phenomenal. Seeing yourself, in cold reality, walking down a dark lonely path tripping balls on shrooms without getting hurt and only feeling good and loved told me all I needed to know about fears, how inauthentic and unreal they are, and that love and peace and stillness are all that exist and are infinite. I was in the potentially most dangerous and scary position of my life, but felt the complete opposite, ultimately experienced nothing dangerous. The true nature of compulsive thought, it's self importance, and its complete lack of grounding in reality became omnipotently clear to me. I saw reality; the reality beyond thought and conception and form - the reality of What Is and of Suchness.

I ultimately landed up at my guest room. The hovel that I disliked so much when I first got there was a haven in relativity to the biting winds that I had thought I would be with all night. Another lesson in perception.

I brushed my teeth, changed, washed my face, and got into bed, smiling, in the most phenomenal space I have ever been in my life. I ate some more biscuits and tried to smoke another J, but my lighter would not cooperate. After about 20 attempted flicks at the lighter I stopped. A minute later I picked it up again. I realized that the reality was that there WAS a possibility, however minute, that on some click, a flame might appear. I started flicking the lighter again, with only possibility in my heart and without any counter-intentions. 5 clicks later I got a tiny flame and lit my joint. I meditated on the joint and was just in being with it. I saw life, the meaning of life, and the brilliance of conscious perception in the burning embers of the joint. It was the most supremely satisfying experience - looking at the burning joint. Who we are within and how we live from within is what affects how we experience the world around us, and consequently and ultimately who we are, what happens to us, and how the universe treats us. There is a reality is within us and in everything and that IS everything that is incomprehensibly greater than the reality we think we know in the normal human state in the human mind.

I sat around for about another 2 hours, still tripping, feeling otherworldly, and musing on all the lessons I had learned and all the thing about life and reality I had seen that I would never have thought possible.

I started coming down. I then ate 5 more dried shrooms.

to be continued

 

a half hour later the new shrooms started kicking in. I started getting mindfucked. Heard frequencies in my head, thought I was telepathically talking to a friend for a few moments.

What followed showed me alot about the nature of consciousness, my perception of the world, and how it oscillates almost inversely depending on whether I am in the godhead or in my mind.

I found that when I would fall back into my mind, I would become intensely suicidal, ready to walk out my guest room and jump off the hillstation I was on. I hated everything, the fact that I was alone in the middle of nowhere tripping strongly on unknown substances.

When I went back into the godhead, where I was was the most beautiful place in the world to be, and every moment I was in was my best moment. The plain curtains and furniture around would become gorgeous as I observed them in the stillness of their naked existence. I would fall in love with them. I would then consciously try and push myself out of this state and back into my mind. Instantly fear, dread and anxiety would eat me alive. I would become intensely suicidal again. I would practice techniques of returning to stillness again, and instantly lose all the physical symptoms of dread, all the mental experiences of fear, and suicide would amuse me intensely and would be unthinkable. Moment to moment. Due to the intensity and frequency of these oscillations in my experience of the universe, this experience was possibly the most traumatizing in my life, but I would hardly call it that as it showed me some of the most vital stuff, and every time I would return to stillness, the stupidity of my mind would amuse me in my awareness and heighten my spiritual state further.

I finally fell asleep.

Woke up the next morning feeling great, grounded, and scared nomore. Went outside to find out what time my morning bus was leaving. This was my last weekend in India and I had hosted a party for that night and would have liked to get back for it..Smoked a cigarette outside on the road. And who came by right next to me again? Xavier. This time there was no fear. I saw a dead man in his eyes; deadened like most men, but even more so, and all I felt was compassion and pity for him. He could not understand my state of tranquility especially following what he had done to me, and stood around sheepishly. I talked to my mugger briefly with a smile on my face, told him that my experience in kodai was beautiful and where and what I had done the night previously, and left to check on the buses.

However, i was misinformed once again, and there was no morning bus, the first bus was at 6pm that evening. I would miss my own party. So be it, I accepted it, returned to my room and slept the rest of the day through.

At 6pm I got on the bus for home.

On the way my phone started working again and I called some of my buds to tell them I wouldn't be there.

One of them said "Man, thats horrible, this party was for you. Sucks for you". Tears welled up in my eyes as I told him that I wouldn't trade my experience for the world and everything in it. I have a feeling he somewhat understood.

I reached home at 5 am the next morning. I quit smoking cigarettes the next day.

---End---

 

Oh yes I lived; never felt more alive in my life. For the first time I could truly answer, for myself, whether I was alive or whether this was a dream/hallucination of some kind. I Am Alive.

There is absolutely nothing to fear, we are the children of our universe. If we live from the inside out with unbridled positivity and refuse to let negativity be a part of us, our lives, and the lives we influence around us, positivity is all we will showered upon with from this divine mother of ours.

 

last bit is updated with a part that I forgot about meeting Xavier once yet again the next morning.

 

bumpin this FFS