This one didn't happen to me personally but it was still funny as hell: A friend of mine was driving home with 2 other guys in the middle of the night and a guy flags them down on the street. He looked like he might need some help, but when they started talking, he was totally fucked up, reeking of liquor. He said that all he needed was a ride home, it was close, he'd give them some gas money, etc. etc. So this random guy is completely wasted, giving them all kinds of whack directions, and is apparently lost himself. It gets quiet in the car a few minutes later, and he's out like a light. So these guys decide to kick him out of the car. But not there, of course. They drove almost 2 hours away and pulled the guy out of the car (still passed out) and onto the side of the road in the middle of who knows where. Nobody knows what happened to him when he woke up But I've done so many random little asshole things they don't even seem like a big deal. pissing on sinks/floors, sometimes saying I'm not able do things for people when I really just don't want to, I still get mail sometimes for the previous tennants and if it looks cool I'll open it/keep it, told some douchebag that I was out of bud (just so it would last longer) so I couldn't smoke with him - then he came over and smoked me out. There's tons more but I'm really tired. I'm actually a really laid back nice guy, so I guess I gotta do some stuff to get back at all the idiots out there.
I went into one of those porta-potty things, and waited with the door unlocked, just next to it.. next guy that walked in 15 minutes later looked about 30 and I grabbed him, tossed him into the porta-hole thing.. and walked away. Im pretty sure it made the paper with some comical header attached to it.
I was boning this drunk annoying girl, while I was sober, and she was annoying as fuck. I don't know how to make you understand, but I wanted to kill her. My two room mates come up to my room and are standing there watching. And somehow they realized that she wouldn't shut up and the one told me to choke her. So I put my forearm on her throat and pushed as hard as I could. Needless to say, she didn't look to comfy. After that, they were still standing there, she kept saying 'choke me' and that shit. So, I turned her over on her stomach. She was butt ass naked, I had my briefs on. I put her in a sleeper hold and pulled as hard as I could, she started choking and shit and I heard her neck crack. I let go promptly as I thought I fucking killed her. That's probably the most screwed up stuff I've done. She's such a whore it's not funny. If you want her number, let me know. She's under 100 pounds, and easy to throw around. After that, I couldn't finish because she muttered the words 'real men come inside' or something like that. So I got pissed off, made her get fucking dressed, then kicked her out of my house and made her drive home drunk. She called like 4 times saying she was in Illinois and stuff, and we are from Ohio. She's a dumb whore. Nuff said.
I had a guy screw me over on a larger deal, drilled a 3/4 " hole in the bottom of his "babies" gas tank and put in a drip irrigation dripper Dripped 1/2 Liter an hour.. Few days later it was still dripping so I spray painted his windows black. I shouldn't have done it but he tried to screw me over, in the end he paid up.