Moral dilemma

Discussion in 'General' started by tatpoj, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. Hello my fellow blades!

    The Grasscity community is one that I have grown rather fond of. It is full of friendly people (for the most part) who seem to be rather like-minded with myself (again, for the most part). Since I'm currently in a living situation in college with very few people I know personally, and no one I know well enough to go to with a moral dilemma such as the one I'm currently being faced with, I've decided to come here for guidance. Please note that I'm not planning to aimlessly follow the first bit of advice I get from a stranger on the internet, but I AM looking for multiple opinions, since I, by myself, am at a loss.

    I am 19 years old, and a freshman in college. Since birth, I have been raised Christian. I went to a Lutheran school from Pre-K all the way through 8th grade, and I had gone to church all of my life, right up until my mother moved out of the state about six months ago. In fact, until my Biology class in 9th grade, I had never even been exposed to the Theory of Evolution, and until doing my own research, I had never been exposed to the Big Bang Theory. Overall, I had no knowledge of anything other than the Christian set of beliefs until well into my adolescence. Hell, I don't even think I knew anyone who wasn't Christian until I got to high school.

    My mother is likely the most devout Christian I know. She was the reason for my intense Christian education and background. She is also one of the most unhappy people I know. Her marriage with my father has never been the best, she even once told me she considered divorcing him (before he got sober) but didn't do it because the *Christian* thing to do would be to work out their problems for themselves.

    Well, in the last two and a half years, my older (then 19-year-old) sister got pregnant, got married out of wedlock, and moved across the country to where her husband is stationed in the Navy. Now, within the last six months, my sister and brother-in-law are under investigation for child abuse, so my mother temporarily moved across the country to take care of their son while they're not allowed to. She has been living there, with only herself and her grandson (as she's not allowed to see her daughter or her son-in-law) for about six months, and will be staying there for at least another six months, and possibly up to an additional year. Obviously none of this has done much to help my mother's depression.

    Please bear with me, I promise I am getting to the point.

    Months before my mother moved, I started to realize how ridiculous my Christian upbringing was. I began to look at things objectively and decided without a doubt, that the God described in the Bible simply cannot exist. Well, when I tried to express to my mother the discomfort I had with attending church, and that I wasn't quite sure I still believed, she looked at me with a look of terror, and began to cry. I quickly realized that I was not just asking her to be tolerant of my views, but from her point of view, I was telling her that one of her children was going to burn in a pit of fire for all eternity. Now, I know that this being a cannabis forum, most of the people reading this are probably more progressive and probably non-religious for the most part, but my mother is someone who has never doubted her faith, so far as I can tell, she is someone who is 100% sure that the Bible is fact, and she is 100% sure that if I don't share her views, I'm going to hell. She began to cry and told me that she had failed me as a parent and that her top priority throughout my life was to raise me to be faithful to God. Through her tears, I vividly remember her saying

    "If you've already made up your mind, there's nothing I can do about that, but you know what *I* believe, so you know what I believe is going to happen to you."

    Well, now that I'm in college, and she's on the other side of the country, we only talk on the phone, about once or twice a week. During our most recent phone conversation she said to me something along the lines of

    "I know last time we talked about it, you were starting to have doubts about your faith, but I would like you to find a religious affiliation on campus. I know you don't want to but please, please do it for me."

    Obviously, she believes I'm "doubting" my faith, when in reality, I have absolutely no belief in the God described in the Bible, and I believe that there is most likely no god at all. To be as specific as possible, I am an agnostic atheist.

    Now, I'd like to express that my mother is one of the most important people in my life and someone I am very, very close with and someone I love very, very much.

    My dilemma is this:
    I don't know whether I should be honest with her and tell her flat out that I am not doubting my faith, but rather have completely abandoned it; or if I should lie to her for her benefit, and tell her that I've been praying with a church group on campus or something like that.

    To be perfectly honest, I'm afraid her depression is already at an out-of-control level. If it weren't for her family and her faith, I feel that she would be a very real suicide risk. And I feel like being honest with her could be the straw to break the proverbial camel's back. She's in a less than ideal marriage, her first child got pregnant, married, and moved away before she was 21, her grandson is at risk of being removed from our family and placed into foster care, she had to move across the country (with less than 12 hours notice, I might add) to take care of her family and now, I have to decide whether or not to tell her that her only other child is going to burn in hell for all eternity.


    Please note that this is not a question of faith or religion. I just don't know if my mother could take the "fact" that her child is going to burn in hell for all eternity, or if I could stand it to see that look of terror in her eyes a second time.

    Please, any replies are appreciated, I'd just like to get as many points of view as possible. Thank you.


    EDIT: I'd also like to stress that this is by no means meant to be offensive to any people of faith who may read it. It expresses my views, and my views only.
     

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