Mix of happy/depressed or monotone emotion

Discussion in 'General' started by Omega369, Dec 26, 2012.

  1. I have a question for you blades. I've been depressed every since I was a kid, it was extremely bad when I was 6-17 (suicidal thoughts everyday) but since then they went away. I'm still depressed and have my normal ups and very low downs.

    I tried taking a route where any emotion was suppressed and there was no happy or no sad, just a monotone emotion which also helped my anxiety.

    I don't know what I liked better, the numbing of emotions or normal happy/extreme lows.

    My question is, if you blades had two choices:
    1. Most days of the week feeling depressed and down, but still feel emotions like happy rarely but occasionally.

    2. Numb to happiness, numb to depression. The upside is anxiety and depression ceases to exist, but the downside is you cannot feel happy or any other emotion. Just a dull monotone life.

    Which one would you pick?

    PLEASE stay within the rules and no talking about stuff doctors prescribe. You will be reported.
  2. I have also been depressed since I was a child and have gone through all of those feelings at different points. Its honestly hard to choose. It sucks being sad all the time and having moments of happiness because I end up more depressed later just wishing I could feel happiness all the time instead of crushing depression.

    When I attempted suicide though I was empty and numb. Emptiness is such a relief from those feelings but its such a meaningless existance.. It makes it easier to self mutilate, not eat, and you really don't care if you are dead. Not feeling anything you don't realize the joy that life has to offer.

    I am the worst kind of person when I am empty, I don't give a fuck about anyone or anything and as nice as it is to just escape, I would rather feel something than nothing at all for the rest of my life.

  3. Honestly I don't prefer either. The lows are just soul crushing and the highs just don't seem to measure up. The emotionless headspace is dull, ambitionless and empty. Life is a heavy burdon when only a small fraction of it is spent feeling happy.

    Hope is what makes it worthwhile. Hope gives life meaning. The wish to someday achieve your dreams and be the person you want to be. Dying happy is my main goal in life.
  4. #4 wickedjoker, Dec 26, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2012
    Man it's crazy how strongly I can identify with the states of emotion you're talking about. I too have had some struggles with depression since I was about 14. At one point I opted to try the numbing route. For awhile I liked that I no longer got upset about small things or felt a sense of dread and unease for no apparent reason, or flew into fits of rage over insignificant things. But at the same time, I began to forget what it felt like to be excited and happy, or what it felt like to anticipate something, it was all gone. I was an emotional fucking zombie, and that began to bother me. I started dating this chick and when we fucked the first time, I couldn't cum because of the shit they had me on (which I won't get specific about), but that was the final straw. I got a hold of some weed soon after, got off of the zombification regimine, and began self medicating with the chronic.

    I still have to deal with some spontaneous lows, my temper is still quite touchy at times, and there are generally more negative feelings in my daily emotional cycle than there are positive ones, but I think that's just life when you're not an optimist.
  5. How do u guys manage to get girls with the depressive issues lol

    Especially u op, wst is ur game, "hey girl i consider suicide everyday" lol
  6. #6 wickedjoker, Dec 26, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2012
    A lot more chicks dig the sad silent type than you would think. I was depressed as fuck when I hooked up with the girl I was talking about in my last post. I met her at a party when I was like 16, and right then I thought to myself "Some day I'm gonna fuck that girl." and so I got her number and then started talking to her round the time I got really depressed. She made all the first moves, asked me to hangout, picked me up from my mom's house to sneak out for the night and didn't even care that I was usually fucked up on some sort of OTC medication (cuz of the depression). She was even the one that came out and said she wanted to fuck the first time we had sex.

    Honestly I'll admit that it's surprising how easy I've had it with girls. I was in horrible shape in high school, fat with long ugly hair, and depressed as all hell. Yet I got plenty of ass without even settling for ugly skanky bitches.

    You just have to know how to use what you've got to make the girls hot ;)
  7. id say for sure the happy sometimes what quality of life can you enjoy without emotions there are people out there like that what is life without emotion the fact is you would still have happiness there is some people in the world who are almost empty of emotion and to the comment above i can see the silent but being cold and emotionless in total makes for zero interest in relationships anyways just my 2 cents
  8. I've felt that way for as long as I can remember, but honestly even with as much as it sucks being depressed all the time, those moments of happy keep me going. It's what I strive for. I don't think I would know how to keep myself going if I didn't know that I could feel better. If that makes sense.
  9. Although I'm sad to hear other people are suffering the same as me, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone. Thanks for the comfort my fellow blades.

    Unfortunately only a few girls are looking for depressed guys. They are looking for a guy with no assembly required. They want an alpha, dominant, fun guy (lol fungi) who got his shit together. Not some mopey depressed guy with only depressing negative things on his mind.

    Through tons of practice, I've become quite the actor. I'm able to hide my depressed emotions and convey myself as alpha. Unfortunately it doesn't last long, and the girl realizes I'm a phony.

    I can get a lot of sex, but never land anything deeper. I've smashed a countless number of boxes to the point where sex became boring and almost chore like, but I can't ever achieve what I truly want, a loving relationship. I've never had a girlfriend all 22 years of my life.
  10. It is comforting to know other people feel the same. I feel completely alone in the world sometimes.

    I have had relationships where the guy left because I was depressed or empty and didn't care. But I found if you are upfront and honest about how you are feeling you will find someone who is willing to deal with it and help you along the way. There are lots of caring understanding people who will love you for who you are and see past the depression.

    I always let my boyfriend know how I am feeling, why I am feeling that way (if I can figure it out) and let him know it has nothing to do with him. Because everyone sees me as a strong independent woman but on the inside I am a broken little girl who just needs to fall apart sometimes.

    Keep your head up OP you will find someone caring and compassionate and loving. Just be honest to her and yourself.
  11. I know that feeling. its tired and happy./

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