I struggled with that kind of cognitive distortion back in my teen years. I would avoid calling friends and family because my subconscious mind told me "don't bother, nobody wants to hear from you or spend time with you so don't waste their time". I somehow felt like my presence was somehow an imposition. In reality this usually wasn't true and was often the opposite, friends and family would get pissed off because I'd avoid returning calls and/or decline to hang with them. Same with females, my brain would tell me "no way she's interested" when in hindsight, one former GF said she wasn't sure how to make it more obvious short of showing up at my house naked and holding a neon sign reading "I WANT YOUR D***"
Man my closet was closed shut and I was feeling good about it and accepting of the short comings of life. But this hernia repair failing on me has broke the frame leaving me with my back on the door. Envy and rage right there stabbing me through the door in my back. Becuase they want out.
Most people scoot through life never knowing real pain and trauma, other know only that. Suicides tend to not be wanting to die, but not wanting that pain anymore. Let me tell yall though, no matter how hard it gets, you just gotta keep fighting. Yeah the pain might end for you, but goes to all those that care about you. Trust me they do care, and they hurt too! I aint putting my son through that. Almost 30 yrs I still think about that shit daily, and what could have been. Yall woulda got along real well Sent from the future
Yes you can! You're tough Mel, don't ever forget that. Giving up is weak and thats not you! Gotta smile and say fuck it Sent from the future
Just here. I don't share much anymore. Too many people are judgemental and, hypocrites. I've learned to shut the fuck up and, just live it in as much peace as I can find. Yeah, I got issues but I'll get through it and, I'm willing to support others if they wanna do the same back. I'm getting the toxic ones outta my life. I was once toxic too but, I've made a change of heart and learned to love again. I once was in a dark cylce going down a path of bitter hate and anger towards the world for the wrongs I've been delt. I sometimes still struggle with negative and hateful thoughts but, it's getting better each day. It doesn't matter what those toxic ones think they themselves may also need healing however they'll find their path as well and I don't wish my past enemies hate anymore or violence as I used to. I wish for them to heal and find the love and realize their mistakes from there we can begin the forgiveness process. I myself have seen what I have now done wrong and how I came across and now practice deep breathing and walking away from the stress and coming back later to talk it out. I'm also doing self therapy and talking to trusted people. Helping them out as well by listening. It could always get worse but, you can always see light as well in some areas. There's always sunshine somewhere. There's always a good moment to be had in the same day as a bad one if you look hard enough. I hope one day I'll be a good person I'm working towards that goal. I'll be happy to help the homeless and disabilited and mentally disabled when I find the time. I'm willing to start giving my time to someone else who needs it. I'm alone but, think I found the way to use that loneliness without it being a sad thing. Maybe if I find some good things I'll get good back. I don't know till I try right?
Sometimes helping others is what we need to help ourselves, and thats not being selfish. Keep doing what you're doing panda, you're on the right track! Fun fact I had a lady friend once upon a time we called panda too Sent from the future
Sometimes, we reach a whirlpool of despair. We think to ourselves, why not just jump in.... That's when you realize that there are plenty of hearts out there that really do care very much for you. Grab and hold onto those hearts and let them pull you out and into the light side of life. I know I make it sound so damn simple, when, in reality, it's hard to do. I try hard to reach out to folks and, if nothing else, give them a reason to smile, if only for a short time. It helps me to help you. In turn, you help someone and it helps you.
We're here for you beautiful. You don't need it to be over, you need a new chapter. You're worth it and amazing.
Feeling like im just Not Worth being Around Today...I Should be Happy since it Friday an im Going to get a Break for a Few Days but im Depressed asl an idk why I just Woke up that Way. Nobody ever Cares about me anyways tho. if it wasn't for my Kids an my Husband I would Probably have already done something Stupid to my Self Permanetly. ~Toni~
It's okay Toni. We all feel down sometimes but just remember that you are worth being around and this is just a temporary feeling. People do care but they don't always have the best way of showing it. A lot of times people are so wrapped up in what's going on with them personally that they neglect to reach out even though it might be helpful to them and the person they're reaching out to to connect with a conversation.
Thank you Guys @Free Hat @Tokintb12 I Was just Haviing a Bad Times this Morning but im Feeling Better now. I Going to go over to my Mamas an Chill there for a bit with the Kids. I Think it was Mainly because The Kids were Going to my Moms an my Husband was at Work. I Don't like to be Alone in the House that's when I get Depress an Nervous a lot. Once Michael is Home iwill be Going back there again. ~Toni~