I'm trying hard to do this thing. Also, of course I'm cool, I have fantastic hobbies .... My brain is being nice right now
i like that and it is true if "i" you speak of is the body/mind/story, etc. But we are none of those we are the Witness to body mind and the "story of me"... it is just a story or dream as it isn't permanent... "Depressed" often means we need "DeepRest".. been there done that thousands of times but i'm old old... Some guys you may gain some benefit from, if you get where they are pointing are linked below. They both have entirely different styles and approaches... Hopefully one will work for you. Channel Higher Self Jeff Foster Official
Spoiler: TW.... Eh. Just tons. I'm losing reasons on why I should stay alive. I'm running out of reasons I should want to stay alive. I've been blaming it on my meds for a while but these feelings were sitting there in the shadows before all of that. I thought I was nothing before I left Philly. I thought I was nothing before I met M. I thought I was nothing when he left me. I still thought I was nothing over a year later when he came back. When I came back. I've just thought about dying every day. I am nothing more than a speck of dust most days. All I do is sleep, take my meds, and fucking hope that I'm not having a low spoon day... I just feel like I'm completely desolate at this point. I serve no purpose besides being an inconvenience and annoyance to everyone around me at this point. Most days M is trying to fill in my words that I can't reach. I'm tired of feeling like a manic mess. Before diagnosis there was at least hope that this was all temporary and would possibly go away; after has just been a black pit of fucking despair over losing the parts of me I loved the most. I'm constantly in pain, feeling as if I'm trying to swim through concrete, trying to grasp my head around the fact that I have to live with this for the rest of my life, hoping there's a new pill down the line to keep me barely functional daily, unable to make it through my own home without a fucking cane, and I'm not even 30 yet. I survived the druggie narcissistic parents, the molesting adult, the abusive rapist, being homeless, two fucking eating disorders, and... I don't think I have it in me to keep being beaten up by my own body with these auto immune disorders anymore. I'm losing my muchness and I can't bear it much longer.
I'm not good at this, but I'll keep trying. You're not nothing. You feel. You're something and someone. I like you and I believe you'll find your way to the top of this. I don't know how, so I can't talk you how...but....be there for yourself. Try to channel future you, the one that can be more happy than you are right now, and ask why, how, etc. Life fucks with everyone in different ways...just don't turn your back on you. You have more good days left, you have more smiles and warm feeling coming your way...you just gotta arrive at them. The medical stuff...yeah...can't say much more than it sucks, I'd take some pain from you, if I could. You're strong. You're beautiful. You're funny, and you're not full of shit...this is a pretty good combination of stuff to throw into a person. I hope you'll come around and see it sometime. ...and that...is all I can come up with. I hope you feel OK, sometime soon.
@dementiax You better hang in there! You have my number and you should call me anytime. I wish I had a daughter like you. Instead I have a daughter who can't even find the time to have lunch with me. If you want to get away for awhile, you can come and stay with me. I'm serious!
One problem with the West (including Europe) is that we were always taught that what is "OUT THERE" is what is important... It's all about things, things, things, going going going, doing doing doing and status status status.. Oh there is also "accomplishments", gotta have a ton of those to add to the story so others don't get ahead of you and think you are a nobody. Truth is (Eastern Truth) it's all INSIDE us, not out there but focusing on out there can undermine "self worth" if we continuously compare ourselves to others (this can happen unconsciously as well and why affirmations alone won't work for long). 1st myth is that life begins when the umbilical cord is severed. We are not the body/mind but spirit eternal and this so called "life" is only a chapter in a book with thousands of chapters... Taking out the terrestrial communication device (the body) won't stop the real eternal Self which is pure consciousness awareness... Per several million who have had NDE's (near death experiences) they were fully aware even with no brain activity or heartbeat in some cases if they were wired up in ER or other hospital setting. All agree that being free from the body is BLISS compared to being seemingly trapped in it, none wanted to return (to so called life here) unless they had young children or a mate who absolutely needed them. My take is that sure you can stop the "story of me" to a degree by removing yourself from the drama (seemingly) but the mind and memories exist and what has not been resolved or accepted in the physical cannot be on the other side either... So, after a period of time we come back knowing what we need to learn and work through. Also we can't blame our parents because the soul chooses the parents and the parents were in agreement for us to be their kids as we knew each other from the past usually and have karma to work through... No, we don't always choose the easiest or most loving of parents if we want to make strides we choose the drill Sargent types or those who fall short of being great parents.... Looking back i realize my parents were just acting out what they learned from their dysfunctional parents and didn't have a clue how to nurture a child mentally and emotionally... In America the % of dysfunctional families is way higher than most. Nothing to be ashamed of. It is what it is. Just my take...
Woosah I love when stuff that usually makes me cry and question myself actually gives me the opposite reaction. Its like i can feel the pressure just rise on up off me. Goodbye old stressors Now dealing with my new stressors but i still feel 100% percent better. Woo yeah head feel better already
I'm going to a partial program at a mental hospital again. I don't know if it's helping yet. It might be. It's more enjoyable than work anyways...
Dont know how to act amongst the sister shit Take you ass back to that brotherly love But im not a brethren
What I've had the most trouble combating (OCD) has guided my coping strategy - outdoor gardening; symmetry is forced which Nature rejects. The time with my hands in the dirt helps soften the harder edges when things are overwhelming. A step back offers the acknowledgement of how I'm driven but close inspection (and reflection) reveals the attempted mirroring is illusory but somehow easier to endure.
Meme Go from one Sketchy situation To another Gotta change Meme Gotta change meme Other narratives is bad Of me Is bad of me Gotta change meme Gotta change Meme God D.A.M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!