I have autism and, it sucks being misunderstood 24/7. What's worse is the obsessive personality that comes with it, I get fixed up on my anxiety and depression then get extreme insomnia. Being an alcoholic has never helped either. No pills have ever helped me so, I just drink and, smoke till I pass out, or puke. Its hard to quit, alcohol has withdrawals for sure. I get the world's greatest anxiety when attempting to quit, that it drives me to do it again. And again and again.
I feel for you brother. I hope you can sometime, somehow, get the help you need. Alcohol is a MF to quit. Especially when nothing else seems to work. Even people without disabilities have a tough time so I can only imagine how difficult it is for you. The pills may help some people but not everyone and I can totally understand you not wanting those chemicals. Depending on your age, you have a long road in front of you. That doesn't mean life won't get better. It means you have enough time to heal. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't forget that! Stay strong, do the best you can, get help where applicable and... Good luck! Sent from my HUAWEI MT7-L09 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
I used to exercise every day and it did help a lot. But then I fell and broke my back and it really limits the type of cardio I can do. I can barely walk without a lot of pain. Which strain of cannabis are you talking about being knock out weed?
Thoughts of just wanting the pain to end... numbing myself to pain with smoke and drink just to get my mind to no longer think. To quite the voices who have become so loud.... so quietly I drown... alone feeling low. My demons in tow.
You can grow (most) any indica strain into "knock out" weed. It just has to mature longer. Sativa is not really as good for this purpose. That sucks about your back. Once that gets messed up, it's hard to get back to normal. Not like breaking an arm or whatnot. I need a new hip and also can't walk very far. I'm trying to hold off the OP as long as possible and using weed as painkiller, sleep medicine (but I've always been a stoner) Sent from my HUAWEI MT7-L09 using Tapatalk
I hope this thread does not die out. I feel like this is a better place for me talk about what is causing so much stress in my life. I've been a stoner pretty much since I was 16. I always thought I'd quit when I had kids but it wasn't as easy as I thought and my daughter hates me for it. I did quit for a number of years while she was growing up but she's 37 now. She uses my grandchildren like pawns. I get so depressed about it. Those kids are the only joy in my life.
The sad part is the second hand smoke, or even just the smell, is far less damaging on the grandkids (and you) than being used as leverage. I don't speak to my dad because he always made alcohol his top priority. Over me, over my sister, over whoever he was dating at the time, over his job, over his health. Now he can't work because of his pacemaker/defibrulator. His heart sucks after a life time of drinking and chain smoking so now he just sits at home, collects disability, and continues to drink and smoke cigs. I've given him the whole "booze, or me" speech. He chose booze. Right now I think your daughter is mad because you keep chosing green over her and her kids. She sees you and your man continuously getting into scrapes with the law, regarding green, but... You and I both know green is harmless. Why does she hate it so much?
Had an unmentionable dream last night. Picking pieces out of the carpet with tweezers. Enough to have a good time and get this move over with. Woke up knowing it was a dream, this place has been picked clean.
She started hating it when her dad died. I was smoking a lot then. I was really, really depressed. I smoked in my room. She's a nurse and she reads everything she can find on the negativity of it. The funny part is she has friends who smoke, and that's ok with her. She just doesn't want ME to smoke. She doesn't know for sure that I have started back up again after my court appointed T break. I told her I wasn't going to start back up again.
I feel like I come off as entitled but, in my heart I deserve nothing, I just like to vent and rant because, I'm internally bitter for having nothing go my way in my life. I seem to be some nutcase nuisance no one truly wants around at times. I have a group of blades and, part time friends that like me thankfully though and, I'd like to again thank y'all. I keep hoping one day I'll find someone that changes my mind on love. So far I'm not convinced its all that real. Searching for people doesn't work most good interactions happen by sheer luck. So does "love".
You just have to find something you like to do (besides drink) and find a way to make money doing it. Have you ever looked up meetup.com? There's a great way to meet people who like to do the things you like to do. I looked when I was in Portland and there were lots to choose from. Here, there were only groups of young mothers looking to meeting other young mothers so their kids had kids to play with. In big cities, they have hiking groups, photography groups, there is probably a mushroom group, etc.
True, I never thought about using a hobby really to find people. Now I just gotta practicing talking in a mirror more. Small talk is something I'm not sure how to do. I'm going to start there since everyone tends to use it. As for your situation I would believe your daughter found a scapegoat, or in other words something to blame problems on. My mother does the same to me, she used to blame video games and pot before I drank. Now that I drink its that. Its always this sorta thing people do to try to justify why they have a strain on someone else for whatever reason.
I'm ill mentally but it's ok because like, I mean, it's pretty much over, so I kind of just serve as a cautionary example for others. You WILL want to be human you WILL want to be normal at some point, you WONT be ok with living alone until you an hero. I don't "pill" people, I just pay it forward, because my boomer parents always fed me that BS about honesty being the best policy, girls like polite courteous men, grindstone, sell yourself, blah blah blah, etc...
My whole body feels like it’s shutting down my heart hurts, my spirt feels dimmer each day. My dog I’ve had for 17 years is going to pass soon. Wish I could join her at this point. I can’t take this stress and sadness much longer. And people only care after your gone. PSA people the world is a fuckin lie. And some people just want to wake up from this nightmare
If you want to die Take a selfie and put it online It will get about 44 likes Enough to validate Living your life If you want to die If you want to die ... And if you feel depressed You should take a personality test It'll confirm that you're just nervous and stressed If you feel depressed If you feel depressed
A lot easier than you might think. Here's the secret to small talk (especially if it's a female) Ask-ask-ask Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. After awhile they might ask you some questions (unless they're very egocentric and not a good communicator) Questions are always easy to think of. Like, where you from, what's your hobbies, Where do you work, do you like your job. Yada-yada-yada Once your past the small talk, maybe meaningful conversation will occur and some form of relationship might insue. I'm lucky because I'm an introvert and generally avoid humans except for family, work, or digital mediums like here. I love humanity; but only on my terms Sent from my HUAWEI MT7-L09 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
I really hope you seek some kind of help. You sound seriously down. When I read something like this I become very sad. And the dog thing really sucks. I had to put a cat of ours down and I cried like a little girl for days. It really hurt. But the pain lessons in time. I do have some good news though. Life can be a bitch but it's not over with, when this so called "death" occurs. Believe me brother, I've seen the proof. It has less to do with religion, more to do with spirituality and science. Maybe as a soul, you chose this life of yours to enlighten yourself. You (the real you) might have needed exactly this experience. And last but not least, I may avoid humans (introvert) but I still love each and every human on this planet. Good, bad, don't matter... Only love matters and I'm man enough to tell you that I love you too. There's only one. By loving myself (in a non-ego manner), I can equally love you and all mankind. Why? Because there's only one... I AM Sent from my HUAWEI MT7-L09 using Grasscity Forum mobile app