Marriage

Discussion in 'General' started by Unclescam777, Aug 24, 2004.

  1. Do you want to eventually get married? I've been thinking a lot and this may sound a bit odd but I honestly have no desire to get married. I can't stand to be controlled in ANY way. If I want to sit around in my underwear, I do it. If I want to go out, I go out. I can't stand the thought of constantly answering to someone. Where are you going? When are you coming back? I don't want you doing that! Bah, I can live without another mother.

    Now I know there are many benefits to falling in love and finding that special someone to share your life with, but when I weigh out the advantages vs. the disadvantages I feel I'll be happier overall without being tied down. Relationships are great when things are going well, but everybody fights and usually it's over such stupid things. I can live without pathetic fights over small things like leaving the light on, dealing with in-laws, or sacrificing what I want to do just to make someone else happy.

    It's a bit selfish but I prefer to live for me and do what I want to do. Nothing can beat personal freedom, not even love. I'm probably the minority here but I'd like to hear your choice and why you'd prefer it. If you're already married just explain why you prefer it, or wish you never said I do.

    Oh if you're a girl just replace everything I said with everything that's wrong about sharing your life with a man.
     
  2. Well, right now, you have two things going for you, you're a guy, and you're only 19. You have pleanty of time to change your mind. Wether you do or not may be a different story, but never count somthing out.. life has a way of surprising you, just as you have made your decicion, circumstances can make you change your mind. Now for me, I've always known the only thing I ever really wanted was to be a wife and mother.. Something you may find as you get older and experiance mature relationships, not the ones you may have had in highschool, that they may not be quite what you expected. Of course, I'm no expert or anything... but you never know what life has instore for you.
     
  3. Im actually engaged myself, but I dont see any real disadvantages. But I have also been with my lady for about 6 years. We see things in about the same way, we both smoke, and both have the same goals. which is important if you want it to work and to be happy with someone. Until we have kids in distant distant future distant. we will probably remain the same.
     
  4. I've been married 19 years nov 1st..

    My advice is to find some one that is very compatible to you..

    If you settle for less, you'll end up trying to change each other and that never works!!!!
     
  5. Wow...19 years. Grats!!

    I don't think I'll marry. Simply because here you got the same rights as an unmarried couple as the married couples have.

    Of course if the gf absolutely wants to, it's ok for me. But first I'll have to find a gf haha
     
  6. Yeah Marriage is some scary stuff!..I don't see myself doing it..and If I do I will probably be somwhere around 30, simply because eventually I do want to have children...or at least I think I do....Ahh who cares I've got 10 years to figure that out. I thought you were 20 unclescam..for some reason I thought we were the same age...
     
  7. When I look at many couples today I realize their biggest flaw is they base their relationship around puppy love, and expect it to last forever. When you first meet someone who is initially compatible with you, there is an extreme case of what many consider love. But that feeling doesn't last forever, and only fools expect a relationship to be magical all the time. Women are usually the ones guilty of this because for some reason they can't differentiate movies and real life. They watch their favorite character turn the hard boy soft and fall madlessly in love and strive for that same goal. But movies aren't real, and puppy love is not a solid foundation for a relationship.

    Sometimes men are just as guilty as women with that, but usually men have another flaw, which is they expect everything to run smoothly all the time. This too, is purely false hope. Nothing in life is ever set in stone, and not everything goes as planned. You're going to fight when married, it's bound to happen. How you go about fighting could be the difference between a happy marriage and a hellish one. I've personally never met anyone who can grasp this concept(possibly because I'm still young and only dated young girls), which is let the little things go! There are so many important issues you need to deal with in both life and a relationship, it's mentally unhealthy to dwell upon the little things.

    Myself, I don't believe in soulmates. Nobody is born a perfect match to yourself, compatibility is something that must be created over time by equal effort from both parties. When I conjure up thoughts of a perfect spouse it tends to be who can be my best friend, not my "soulmate". The abilitiy to recognize which battles are worth fighting over is key, as well as respecting each other's individuality. Friends tend to be better at this than lovers.

    So maybe I jumped the gun when I said I don't want to be married. Naturally I have hopes, but from my limited experience I've yet to witness a happy marriage, nor have a found a decent girlfriend. Possibly it's because I'm still young, or perhaps a happy marriage built on love is an illusion. I've already made the choice to finish school and start a career before dedicating my life to another human being, and hopefully waiting until my mid-late 20's will be the difference between misery and happiness. All I know is that if I do find the woman I want to spend my life with, she'll be someone who I could have called my best friend had it not been for my hormones which attracted me to her. A friendship with a dash of love is much better than love with some friendship on the side. Those who base their relationship on love always try to change each other, those who base it on friendship accept each other's differences and form a bond based on individuality and tolerence. Both cases involve caring, but only one ends up happy in the long run.
     
  8. as a friend of mine once said "chicks is friggen wierd" .. after the few i've fallen in love with i've said to hades with it. i'm going to stay single as long as i can stand it

    (nothing against you ladies and all just eh far to painfull to lose.."it is better to love and have lost than to never have loved at all" i'll never understand this saying)
     
  9. welp if u aint plannin on gettin married then good luck findin chics when ur 50, and if u love someone enough to get married then u should feel perfectly comfortable with them, and they woudlnt be tellin u wat to do like ur mom. so i dunno. i'd like to get married but i keep repetitively gettin fucked over, like my gf's mom caught me wit her and was talkin bout callin the police n shit and my gf told me today that her moms gonna get her tested and press rape charges on me, which is some bullshit cuz for 1 i aint even had sex wit her, although this antonio dude (who i am goin to stab if i see him) fucked her, and i'll be in jail cuz of him if no one speaks up n tries to save me. so i'm fucked it seems at the moment.
     
  10. I have been with my g/f for almost 3 yrs. We like alot of the same stuff, and the only thing she wont let me do is meth which i dont want to do anyway lol. She has a big issue with it. neway You are 19 and just havent found the right woman. I knew i loved my g/f the moment i seen her. I accually met her selling weed to her.

    I used to say the same thing about being controlled and i still dont want to be controled. Ive had several girls break up with me b/c i smoke and whatnot. I strated telling girls on the first date i smoke and drink and experment withother drugs and if you dont like that then im sorry. Once you find a girl that is in to the same things as you, you will want to be with her, marry her, have a child with her.

    People rush into marriage now days and get married too young IMO. Why would you get married when u cant even buy alcohol, tobbacco, lottery tix or anything. Dont worry man, some girl will put it on you and u will fall for her.
     
  11. im kinda lookin forward to it.......cus if im with the girl i love, marriage gon' be fantastic....
     
  12. I almost got engaged back around January. At the time I did want to get married, thank god I didn't.

    Marriage just isn't for me I think.
     
  13. I believe in soulmates. I think some can have more than one soulmate. I don't believe that people have to get married to love one another, though. I also don't think that people have to spend the rest of their lives with the first person they fall in love with, or even the second or third....love as long as possible and when it fades and finally disappears, accept it and move on without the pain and misery that comes from the ties associated with marriage. (My opinion, of course. )
     
  14. Marriage is such a silly concept to me. It seems to cause more problems later on, and alas most marriages end up in DIVORCE. I think just about every one I know comes from a divorced family.

    I've been with the same girl for 5 years, and we have no interest in marriage. It's too hard to get in, and way harder to get out.

    I'm going to save myself the battle for the kids and the SUV, and give a big middle finger to the legal agreement and diamond.
     

  15. If you actually get taken to court, you will testify that you have never had sex with her. Hopefully, your gf will do the same thing. But even if she doesn't admit that her mom is a psycho bitch, you're still 100% innocent. You can't get charged with rape if you never even had sex with her.

    I would recommend you call up your gf's mom, tell her that you have never had sex with her daughter. Tell her you're sorry for doing [whatever you were doing when you were walked in on], but it would be a waste of everyone's time and money if she insisted on dragging this out.

    -------------------------

    And now, on topic, I'd like to say that I believe I will get married. My girlfriend of two years and I have had a wonderful relationship. It is definitely not based on infatuation or puppy love...we have fights sometimes, we don't always get along about everything. But almost all of the time, we are great together.

    My test for whether someone is right for a long-term relationship is this...

    If you're extremely compatible in these three situations, and that means all of them, you have a good chance that your relationship will last longer than the six-week puppy love period:

    1) When you're serious. i.e., when you have a problem or need someone to talk to, your significant other is the person you'd most want around. They listen, they give the kind of support you need, they love you unconditionally.
    2) When you're not serious. i.e., when you want to relax/have fun, your significant other is the person you'd most want around. They share your sense of humor, and you feel comfortable being stupid around them.
    3) In bed. A good sex life is a lot more important than you think. So basically, that means you should have about the same libido, you should be into the same kinds of sexual activity (for the most part), and you should really enjoy sex with that person.

    It's common to find people that fit one or two of these categories, but if you find someone that fits all three for you, and you fit all three for them, chances are you two will have a good relationship.
     
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