Marriage... Yay or nay?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by BeDazzle, Jul 31, 2012.

  1. I made this for married/divorced/widowed people. Heck, engaged people too. :)

    What are your experiences with your marriage? Was it worth it? Would you do things differently? Are you generally happy with your decision(s)?

    Any advice for someone who is seriously contemplating marriage and whether its the right thing to do?
  2. Honestly, I'm only 18 years old so I'm definitely not even qualified to be posting here, but I will tell u my opinion nonetheless. I have never understood marriage. It's just a social/cultural phenomenon. You choose a life partner and u love them, live with them, have children, whatever. The ceremony, the absolutist commitments, the legally binding documents...why? Marriage is a matter of the heart

    Edit: That being said, if that kind of immature hippie, free spirit thinking isn't for u and u consider legal marriages to be legitimate, do what feels right. Do u love this man? Can u see urself making a life for urself with this man? Kids? If so, do it. You stand to lose little, but gain a lot.

  3. Okay, I should have been a bit clearer about my intentions I guess.

    I'm not interested in kids, and doubt I ever will be. Kids will have nothing to do with my decision at all, its simply about the union between two people who love each other. I know you don't need marriage to do this, but I want to know whether it changes the relationship and how.
  4. :rolleyes:The leading cause of divorce is marriage.
  5. My assumption would be that marriage by law and society rather than by personal commitment to a life partner would result in bearing the crushing weight of inescapable commitment. When u aren't legally married to someone, u stay with them because u love them, and ur motivations feelings and intentions are untainted by the fact that everybody and their grandma attended ur ceremony, ur signature is on legally binding documents, and divorce is expensive and socially embarrassing. Marriage is a social prison. I'm all for commitment, but I think the rate of divorce is so high because marriage takes personal commitment and adds layers of social, legal and economic commitment to it. I don't think its meant to be that way, because when it isn't, marriage is all about love, not the responsibilities of life and ur duty to others.
  6. #6 RandomThoughts, Jul 31, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2012
    Bedazzle - I'd say hold off on it, at your age.
    Though it really depends on your situation...young love/new love can feel crazy strong, but then it can go out the window too.
    Personally I'd say only consider marriage if you get past the 2-3 year mark, which was in our case "battle" time - has been for many other couples I've known as well, shit just really "settles" after that point.
    Also, I think a couple ought to LIVE together for at least a year before deciding on this - because living with each other is a whole other dynamic...and it's the one you'll have long much shit hits the fan when you're working around eachother in your own space/s, it really takes negotiation on both parts...and yes, I've seen numerous times couples that have moved in together happy, and their relationships have ended there.
    So if you give it a few years and a long-term moving-in trial run...if all that goes well, I would say that you're ready.
    If you haven't taken these steps, well...not saying it won't work, just that you're playing with slightly greater odds against you.
    Better to hit marriage with the backing of a decent amount of ground, more years than months...but yeah if you can get through these bullshit phases together and you still feel just the same about eachother as you always have - then you're good to go.

    Though, in saying this - You could always just go for it, and take whatever hand fate deals's all a learning experience right?

    I'm just giving advice on the basis of how I've observed things.

    For the record, it didn't change shit for us...though I understand we were in a fairly unique situation.

  7. Thank you, this is exactly the advice I need.
    I am young, this is true. To be honest I don't think marriage would be a viable option for a couple more years when our futures are a bit more stable (careers etc). In a couple of months we will have hit the 3 year mark. We don't live together yet, though, and I think this is a really valid point you bring up. Living with someone completely changes the dynamics. I am all for a "trail run" before really getting serious, I just really wanted to hear people's personal experiences with it all.
  8. Cool - Actually I'm pretty surprised you've been in a relationship for "so long" at your age, not a bad run there at all - which is thus far a good sign.
    Now, I'm not saying don't even ponder it or talk about it - just don't feel like you either have to or not have to.
    I'd definitely recommend he trial-run with moving in though, I mean it's a bit shitty to think about it, but it often makes or breaks a relationship.
    So I hope things go smoothly for you, I don't think you'd be asking for any kind of advice if you were absent thought on the topic - it's good that you're weighing up your options.
    Also, don't be too bugged out about delaying it any...I mean hell, we didn't get married until 13+ years had passed (ha, not saying you should follow said example), and things are great now.

  9. 1 .. it is awesome being together with my wife .. been together for over 30 years ... never spent more then a day apart in all those years ... sure there have been ups and downs, but like everything else YOU have to be ready and committed to your spouse and them to you .
    2 .. Would I do things differently ... naaa it's been a blast ... would do anything for my wife, she is my best friend and more ... I was so lucky to marry her.
    3 .. couldn't be happier .. but like I said YOU both have to be ready.

    happy growin
  10. I love being married, I have a wonderful wife and daughter and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
  11. Thanks for the insight guys. I feel like I have a bit more faith in it all now. :p

    Would love some more opinions though.
  12. the leading cause of divorce is getting married to the wrong person for the WRONG reasons, too many people dont take marriage seriously.

    i dont plan on getting married until 28-30 and i dont plan on having kids until im like 32 or 34. its going to be amazing though when it does happen :D
  13. for someone who has been married, well commonlaw.
    I see it now as, I do not need a government/church/etc to endorse who I love and want to spend my life with, so no more.
  14. My guy and I have been together 8 years. We got married 4 years ago, a week after my 21st bday. I love him and our life together and wouldn't change a thing :)

  15. This is my opinion on marriage and divorce as well. I hate it when people use poor judgement and then blame the system. Marrying the right person for the right reasons is the only situation in which I would ever consider marriage.
  16. i'd rather not be held down
  17. In the field of work im in, a wife is probably a no go. Plus I like being able to do my own thing. I'd like to not loose half my stuff lol!

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