Just found this, and thought Meh, why not. I'm loaded, I'm numb, I'm living in hell I'm sick, I'm insane, I'm stuck in this shell I'm broken, I'm blind, I'm tattered and torn I'm sick, I'm high, my body is worn. I'm shaking, I'm twitching, I'm terribly ill At first this was fun, it's lost all its thrill The stealing, decieving, the hiding, the lies All I can ask my self is, why, why?
love it man, very deep, i feel it, sounds like you have an unfortunate opiate monkey on your back, i know the feeling...
i like it! but just a suggestion instead of "All I can ask my self is, why, why? " [i think why, why is in too many poems] try and make it more personal like "why must this drug make me cry?" or, something to that extent. to evoke more emotion. but anyway, i like it! why would we make fun of you!
Haha because it sounds emo, or something ,and that last part is important to me, because when you become addicted you find yourself asking why you let yourself do it. It may be used in a lot of poems, but I find it meaningful in this one.
