Make fun of me if you will. Poem about my pill poppin' problem (05)

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by ChillnSmoke, Feb 23, 2009.

  1. Just found this, and thought Meh, why not.

    I'm loaded, I'm numb, I'm living in hell
    I'm sick, I'm insane, I'm stuck in this shell

    I'm broken, I'm blind, I'm tattered and torn
    I'm sick, I'm high, my body is worn.

    I'm shaking, I'm twitching, I'm terribly ill
    At first this was fun, it's lost all its thrill

    The stealing, decieving, the hiding, the lies
    All I can ask my self is, why, why?
  2. love it man, very deep, i feel it, sounds like you have an unfortunate opiate monkey on your back, i know the feeling...
  3. That's a good poem. Seriously though, you need to quit on the pills and stick to marijuana, man
  4. i like it!

    but just a suggestion

    instead of

    "All I can ask my self is, why, why? " [i think why, why is in too many poems]

    try and make it more personal like

    "why must this drug make me cry?"

    or, something to that extent. to evoke more emotion.

    but anyway, i like it!
    why would we make fun of you!
  5. Haha because it sounds emo, or something ,and that last part is important to me, because when you become addicted you find yourself asking why you let yourself do it. It may be used in a lot of poems, but I find it meaningful in this one.

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