So i've been trying to decide now for a while whether or not to post something up on here about this. I've finally got myself some bottle and decided I wanna get things off my chest. Where better than a forum full of people I don't know. Anyway. My mother was the rock of my life. I loved her so much. I lost my mother to breast cancer on 16th July this year. She'd been battling the cancer for over 5 years but I just never really expected it to happen. I went in to see her on the wednesday, she seemed perfectly alright (considering she was being treated in hospital) and then by 4am on the friday, my life had been flipped. I'm the sort of kid to bottle my emotions up and keep a brave face on but after 3 months I'm finding myself in a bad place. I just can't seem to get over the idea of never seeing my mother or never speaking to her again. Other than the morning she passed away I didn't cry until the funeral which must have been a week or two later. I seemed to be dealing with it well but in reflection I think I have just set myself up for a bigger fall. I think from the day she passed away, I did my best to avoid thinking about it and being upset about it. I wanted to stay strong for my dad and my sister however recently I've felt like shit. All I can think about is my mam. I go over things in my head countless times and try and work out the whole situation but it seems really hard to get a grip on the fact that I've lost my mother forever. I don't know whether this is just me coming to terms with her death now or whether this is some other head fuck going on. The irony is that this is the shit me and her always used to talk about. She'd always tell me not to keep sticking a brave face on and we could have a good chat about the way keeping your emotions inside can affect you later on. Now that my mother has gone I just feel like I can't talk to anyone about anything in serious depth. This all must just sound like a complete jumble to you lot, so perhaps you get the idea of whats going on in my head. Basically, I know that mentally, right now, i'm not in a good place and was wondering if anybody knows of anything I could do? I was considering looking for a therapist or something? I don't have a clue about any of these things so any help would be appreciated.
What city/state are you in? I'd highly recommend looking into a therapist specializing in loss/grievance. Just remember you aren't alone, people are a lot more willing to listen and help you out then you may think.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a parent is something that we'll all have to face at one point (most likely), and it's never easy. I lost my Father at age 16 and to this day I think about him constantly (and have dreams that he's still alive! Had one just last night). Grief counseling is a must, they will give you coping techniques and a safe place to let it all out. Don't bottle anything up, otherwise you'll explode at some point and that's never a good thing. Best of luck.
I'm actually from Newcastle, England. The only thing is with the therapist thing is, I can't afford one. My dad can't afford one. I'm only 18, still going to college. I dunno where to look. Thanks for the kind words
Your college should have some form of counseling available for students, I would go to the main office and ask around.
RockandRoll, the same exact situation happened to me. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer when I was 17 and a senior in High school in May of 2007. It was a rough time for me and I ended up turning quiet. I bottled up my emotions and never let anyone know how I felt. Now that I look back upon that that was one of my more dumb decisions. Not talking made me less sociable to people and in turn made me become self judgmental. At that point I couldnt imagine not being able to talk to my mom again, but as time goes on it hurts less and less. To this day I still miss my mom, but there is no where near the same hurt as within a few months to a year after she passed. I like to see the situation as that she is in a better place now and is not hurting any more. She suffered a lot in the last moments of her life and I'm glad that shes not feel that pain anymore. My suggestion is for you to start opening yourself to more people (could be your family or your bestfriends), and start doing things to get your mind off of the death of your mother. It honestly helps and time will make it easier
me personaly when i lost my fater at 18... my whole world shut down i dont even remember things for months after the fact...... things will be rough for quite som time i suggest you try to hang out with friends and try to have a good time..... talk to a friend or family member about it.....it will most likely ease your mind a lil atleast for that time being... get up in bitches......
Sorry for your loss man. You should try to speak about it with close/best friends who you can trust and who will listen to you, you need to let it out mate.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you must be going through I think seeing a therapist would be a great help towards dealing with your loss
My father died when I was 13 to liver cancer, I felt emotionless from there on, and would randomly cry sometimes. I'd like to think that death is just a transition, or that he's still "here".
I'm sorry to hear about your loss The important thing to remember is that everyone is gonna die. If she had been battling cancer for 5 years then you should have been expecting it somehow. I know losing someone close to you is tough but at the same time you also need to think about how we percieve the word "lose". The one great thing about death that will scare most people but not others is that because it is the "unknown" we can imagine it however we would like to. While of course there are many speculations about death no one really knows what happens when your time comes. I personally think that I will in fact see everyone again although maybe not in the same situation played out in most books or religions. Time will heal your emotional wounds, you don't need a therapist...just remember that your mother loved you very much and she wouldn't want you getting seriously hung up on her passing. She would want you to go and enjoy every second of your life
i think u got to wait it out man. youll never be the same but cherish what ya had. and instead of grieving her death ( is that the right word?) you should be happy that she lived such a great life and u should be inspired to do best in life. youll see her again in a different dimension dude or different life or ya. if u think u need therapy go for it man im the bottle up my emotion type and its definately not healthy.
Sorry for your loss. As one who has been through it, I know what it is like because I lost my mother to cancer when I was a teenager. I am not qualified to give much advice on how to deal with this, but I can say that it will get easier. My parents died long ago, before the internet or even very much attention was paid to grieving. I have seen some advice and information that may help you on the websites for the Grief Recovery Institute, and Grief. net. I can't vouch for their methods, but my impression is that they might be very helpful, since they recommend taking a proactive, rather than passive, approach to dealing with grief. Hang in there, continue to search for answers, and you'll be OK.
I kinda disagree with the counselor thing. All I can say, is if you try it, and don't like it, don't force yourself to go back. I stopped going to my counselor, always spouting bullshit and acting like she was my friend yet she knew nothing about me. Its much easier to get a close friend or family member to talk to about things like this IMO
Im sorry for your loss my friend..i would suggest a social worker or grievance counselor. I have lost alot of people that i deepy cared about. You need all the support you can get and you need your family as much as they need you. Now is the time to reach out to your dad or your sis. you need not be alone right now. What ever you do dont medicate with alcohol, its bad news and it will depress you even more. Your mom will always be right there with you so you dont have to worry about that. and you can talk to her anytime you want and she will listen, the world has a funny way of working bro. it takes time to heal so just stay strong and believe in the relationship you had with your mother.take care bro
Damn man, your post really saddened me.. I'm so sorry for you loss. Keep your head up and do what she would want you do to, BE successful man, devote your life to what she would have wanted you to do. Jah bless.
sorry to hear about your loss. i would say i know what your going through, but i dont. i know what i'm going through, and it isnt fun, i lost my dad in june 2010, 4 days before i graduated highschool. it was a freak accident that took everyone he knew by surprise. it shattered me, and it has yet to fully hit me. with that being said, ill share some things that have really helped me deal with my loss. 1. acceptance - i dont knwo if ive accepted it yet, but you must realize your not going to bring the person back, all you have is memories, so dont even think about that, its a losing battle with your emotions. 2. live your life to the fullest - do as much fun and exciting things as possible, when im out with my friends, or at the mall, the good thouhgts drown out the pain and sorrow. cram as much stuff you can do into your day 3. dont let depression run your life - its sooooo fucking hard, and will probably be for a while, but i try everyday to be optomistic, look on the good side of your situation, and if you dont see one, go out and fucking find one, dont let yourself get caught in a rut. 4. talk to people - talk to people about your life, your situation, talk to your dad about how it all makes you feel, dont keep your emotions bottled up, i did for the first little while, but i realised i was just fucking myself, i started letting it all out and it makes it alot easier. humans fail as individuals but succeed as a group. 5. weed moderation - weed is a beautiful thing that does beautiful things. but if your mind isnt clear, if your mind is caught up on something that you dont like, then weed is only going to amplify those emotions like it does with the good ones. im not saying dont smoke, but i know when i can smoke (and drink for that matter) and when its going to be to hard to deal with. dont let weed become your escape. 6. laughter - laugh and smile as much as you can, its hard, but try harder, laughter is a better medicine than any medicine, even weed. if you ever need anyone to talk to, send me a pm, i dont know you, nor do i want to, i want to help cause i know how hard it is, and talking about it will make you and me feel better. i hope my post helps you to understand your not alone in this, we, and many others, are fighting this battle right now, and only time will declare a winner, so be optomistic, be loud, and show your mom your going to enjoy every-fucking-second-of-your-life. (and she'll find out if you don't, its your mom!)