Thanks for all the advice everyone, glad everyone was so sincere! it's still hard today but i've managed to laugh and smile a bit when not thinking about her. Though my emotions seem to shift with my mood, like dramatically from one hour to the next. At the moment i'm so hurt because i feel i have lost a best friend, it's so odd how you never really lose close friends, or never have any notion to break apart from a friend unless something gets in the way, and yet you make a decision to remove the closet and most important person out of your life. Love fucking sucks... i don't know what day it is, i have no conscious knowledge of time or anything important to wake up to anymore - i just seemed to go from one day to the next like a drone. 4 months has never seemed so far away. I'm trying to occupy my mind with other stuff, but there's not much to do around here, and while weed does help most of the time, if i do end up thinking about it while high i start to think about it really in depth and that's not always helpful.