Lord Of The Joes

Hello everyone, this is my first post. I wrote this story when i was a freshman in HS and it got me a 0 for the assignment in that class. Hope you like it more than my teacher did

Lord Of The Joes

One very sloppy evening, I was tied up to a dungeon wall and right next to me was my homie from back in the day, Elton John. We were both cuffed to a solid, bloodstained, concrete wall. I looked over at Eltom amd say, "What the hell are we doing here man?" His mouth was stitched shut! I started screaming and rattling around on my chains. I felt hopeless and lost. "We need to get outta here dude!" I yelled over to him. I started to then scream as loud as I could, getting my lungs worked up. Then out of nowhere, a GIANT crept out of the shadows with a ski mask over his head with the biggest, bloodiest, axe I have ever laid my eyes on! He then sneezed and a key flew out of his nose and went into the lock on my chains! I was let free of being hostage, only to be ate alive by this beast! I scrambled around, looking for anything I could use as a weapon, only able to find a huge bone, twice the size of any of his. It must have been from a dinosaur. I hurled it at him with tremendous force, it impaled his heart and he started to spray everywhere! He then collapsed and it then started to smell like when you open up a deer mixed with very liquidated bowels. He actually crapped himself. I then removed the mask, only to realize who it was, my arch nemesis, Michael Jackson! His nose then detached and I screeched with terror! I then unlatched Elton, and as he was falling to the floor, i realized he was already a goner. Searching the foul demon, i came across a unopened 40oz and popped it open, then poured some out for my dead homie. I unlatched the door and went up the stairs. I then realized I was in a castle, it was actually The White Castle. I could tell because I found a platter with a bunch of cute, little burgers, but something about these burgers were quite strange. It almost looked just like ground beef but it was just really loose in between the buns and kind of sloppy in fact. I picked up the marvelous little thing and popped it in my mouth. It was AMAZING! I've never tasted something so delicious in my life! Then I heard a faint "click" noise. A bird cage then drops down on me and im trapped again. A fat man with a crown then walks over and points at a sign over the plate. It reads "Do Not Eat or DIE! I then pissed myself. The man then revealed himself as Chris Farley. He started to shout at me and all I could understand was "Off With His HEAD!" A man opened the cage, grabbed me, and brought me over to a huge guillotine. I rested in fear. Chris then came over and asked if I saw Elton and he said the only reason why he lived is because he did a little dance. I then found a gun in my pants and I capped his fatass in the chest. Laughing to myself, I grabbed the burgers and walked out. I then sold them to a jew because he said he could make me very rich and famous. We then named the burgers Sloppy Joes because it sounded good. I then became a multimillionaire over night and I bought a island were I raised millions of little cows and made all my sloppy mixture with no fee so I made 100% profit because i made all the cows in a lab so they were all funny looking test tube baby cows. They smelled like vanilla but for some reason but I wasn't complaining. I then hired a hundred midgets to do my dirty work and I bought funny little sailor outfits with blue wigs for all of them and made that the official work uniform and if they didn't wear that they would be shot on sight. I then started my career as a white rapper. Also I could break dance especially well, so I rapped and danced at the same time as I ate my delicious joes.


Hope you like it. Give me feedback. Should I write more stories for you guys?
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haha btw i forgot to mention this was a chosen topic, the teacher wanted it to be about food and emotion you feel for food and i thought that was a worthless topic so i wrote a food novel