First off, apologies for posting in potentially the wrong section. But I figured I'd knock two posts out with one. Second, this information is mildly graphic in nature and not everyone may want to read this. I'm new to the forum, US based. Where I live it is legal to grow, as long as you fall into a certain criteria of ridiculous rules. Which fortunately I do. Wouldn't care either way however. I'm in my 30s and I'm an alcoholic. Not the wife beating kind of alcoholic, those guys need a good ass whoopin'. I'm the high functioning alcoholic who uses alcohol because he has severe anxiety from multiple forms of trauma (with the scars to prove even though the trauma from the scars is the lesser form of it all) over the years. Many of us have severe anxiety from trauma and that's the main reason I'm here. Let me tell you about what I wish to achieve next in life. What I will achieve. I will make this as short as possible. Text is not a good way to convey meaning and passion, it is often misinterpreted, but I am going to do my best. So if you have time.... Read along and hopefully this comes off the way it is intended to. I said before, I'm an alcoholic. Most people associate alcoholism with failure and negativity. That's not always the case however. I have a beautiful happy family of 5. My wife of 5 years, me, my two oldest kids from my first marriage(I have full custody) and my kid with my current and forever wife. With three cats and one dog. I own(mortgage) a beautiful house with a white picket fence because it is exactly what my wife wanted. My kids do great in school. My wife is caring, compassionate and she looks like one of those Vogue cover models(before the airbrushing). On paper I honestly have the perfect life now. I've achieved all this coming from nothing as a child (I grew up in shelters slash with my prostitute/drug addled mother. Father was never in my life as a child) and drinking 12+ beers a day and however many shots I needed(everyday) as an adult. Follow along through this next part, it's graphic, so you can fully understand WHY I want to do what Im going to achieve. And for the record, this isn't for sympathy. It has to be told so you can understand. Many kids have it/ had it far worse than me. Im honestly one of the lucky ones. All this as a child: I've seen my mother beat to a bloody pulp, not being able to do anything about it. Trying to stop it, but then just getting beat myself. I've seen my mother fuck another guy for money. Not creepy watching, motel room multiple times and apparently she didnt have anywhere better to put her kid besides the foot of the bed with the TV on. I've seen my mother raped, not being able to do anything about it. I've saved my mothers life multiple times. A 7 year old shouldn't know how to take off his shirt wrap it tightly around a deep bleeding wound on a person who is unconscious then take off his shoelaces and tie it up real tight for pressure to slow the blood loss. All so he/she can run barefoot(no shoelaces, they didn't stay on) on gravel to the closest neighbors house to use a phone for 911. There is a lot more but you get the point. As a young adult I was very angry because of all this. Lost even. As any human naturally would be without the proper guidance. It took me a long time to find peace. Statistically, I should be in prison, dead or giving my family the same Hell I went through. But instead, my life is perfect. With the exception of my severe anxiety that pops up at random. However I treat that very effectively with alcohol. Alcohol is not the answer for anxiety for the vast majority of people however. Nine times out of 10 it only makes a persons problems/life drastically worse. Unfortunately alcohol is legal in all 50 states and every country I know of while weed on the other hand is typically illegal. There are many struggling alcoholics in the world simply because weed is illegal where they live and alcohol is not. I know for a fact weed helps with anxiety/PTSD. I know this because years ago I grew my own and used it to try and get off alcohol. Aurora Indica. Guess what. It worked. I got off alcohol and replaced it with weed. It was a very easy transition actually. I would never have been able to just quit drinking. Not a chance, not even with rehab or AA. I am a firm believer in cannabis' medicinal values. I can promise you I am in the top 1 percentile of heavy drinkers. So if weed can get me off alcohol.... I have 100% confidence it can work for almost everyone else. And I only started drinking again because I lost my grow room. Long story. So, what are my goals in life now? Well I've already accomplished all I wanted to for myself. Im a simple guy. My family is happy and satisfied. I've forgave myself and others for what happened to me in the past. And I thought long and hard about where to go from here. What do you do after you are finally happy and successful. After weeks of brainstorming and figuring out what was important to me in life and what I could actually invest myself into with a passion I realized it was only one thing. Helping others. There are so many people who dont understand how great cannabis is for anxiety/PTSD and for preventing/treating alcoholism. And for so many other things. I'm only one guy and today is only day one. I plan to have social media accounts preaching awareness for this cause, discord rooms for people to join and share their story or read others so they know theyre not alone, an informative website showing where people can go to seek help and what resources are available to help them out of this. I may even write a book in the future. I plan to start growing again so I can get myself off alcohol and can help people who need cannabis for medicinal purposes. I cant just go out and buy because I have this weird thing where I cant try new things unless I control the whole process. The unknown of what a grower could have done to a plant would give me anxiety. I plan to be highly involved in the cannabis community and help people with grow related issues and all others. Which is why I decided to start here. All this may sound dumb to some of you reading this and that's ok. But if my words or advice stop one person from putting a bullet through their head or I can convert one person from alcoholism..... It will all be worth it. I don't have a perfect plan or even a well formulated plan at this point. But thats the next step. All I know for sure is this will be successful because of two reasons. One, there are a ton of people out there who need help and guidance. Two, I want to help them to the best of my ability. And sometimes the best way is just relating with someone who has had the same type trauma. The main dream of mine, that I will achieve, is to grow at a large scale. Use that to basically give it away for free to those that cant afford it and need it for serious medicinal purposes. Where I live weed is legal. But paying up to 400 dollars an ounce is utterly ridiculous. You have a plant from nature that can literally help people... And people are profiting off of it far more than they need. This brings me to my second topic. I have a 12ft by 16 ft grow room for flower with two 1000 watt lights and a 8x8 room with a 600 watt for veg. Everything is ready to go with the exception of the seeds I ordered thru The Vault. I ordered May 1st. Still not here. Has anyone recently ordered from The vault? If so what type of delays did you have? Their customer service has not been helpful at all either. Just saying some customers have had long delays. I spent thousands of dollars building my grow rooms. I find it extremely frustrating my dream (well a portion of it) of helping others is frozen in its tracks because my seeds havent arrived. If you actually made it to then end of this, thanks for reading. If anyone is reading this and is struggling mentally from trauma from their past.... Dont be afraid to reach out. The longest part of my recovery was mainly because I refused to talk to anyone about it all. Talking about it won't change the past. But it makes it a hell of a lot easier to live with for the rest of your life I promise. And if there is no way for you to talk to a person about it because your not ready. Try writing it down and how it made you feel. Then burn the page. Then write it all over again when you need to. Then burn that one too. Over time you will find yourself writing more and more. Sounds dumb. But it helped me. Hope my intro wasn't too much for this forum. But now you know a bit about me and what I want out of life next.
No. But i'll make them real quick. Here goes. I hope bulletin form is ok. This is not passive aggressiveness. Many people don't like reading books. Cliff notes are actually a really good idea. •Im new to this forum •The world is a terrible place •A lot of people need help •Cannabis has incredible medicinal properties for the mind and for the body •Im going to create a large scale growing operation (non profit) and give to those who need for free •Im an alcoholic, cannabis makes me not crave alcohol (proof of concept) •If it helps me it will help others •Anxiety/PTSD/Suicide/Depression awareness. You're never alone. Reach out •Shipping delays to US customers from The Vault are a real thing. Been almost 2 months. I don't have my order. What gives.
I did the functioning booze trip for years, won awards in my career and such but the Fall was pretty long and hard. I think you are doing well and have great ideas and intentions. But I wouldn’t put my whole grow on ice for a seed bank. There are many and many breeders too. Given the youth trauma, I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do, keep moving forward and throw the rear view away. There are a bunch of good folks on here, as you will find out if you hang around. I’m in the southern US where drunk wife beating is a pastime and part of my youth. I shouldn’t have gotten married as a child.
If your near Jackson Michigan you can walk in and walk out with seeds the same day. A few minutes if you look at Seed Cellar web site