hey guys, i'm a 21 year old dude in college right now. i smoked pot on a number of occasions throughout high school and had a great time with it and my friends. however about 2 years ago i smoked some weed with my best friend and it made me so paranoid i wanted to kill myself. all i could think about was how much of a loser, failure, insignificant piece of trash i was. ever since then those tapes have been playing over, and over, and over again in my head.... it was one of the worst and most painful experiences i've ever had. i have never been the same.... (just for the record i looked into how pot is laced with stuff sometimes, however my best friend was totally fine and having a great time that night, no ill effect for him). ever since this incident i cannot smoke weed without becoming extremely depressed (like, really, really depressed) and anti-social, making whats going in my head 100x worse. i've tried all sorts of different kinds of pot and they all have the same effect. i live with a few other guys who all smoke and make fun of me for not smoking. is there something wrong with me? my mother has some pretty serious mental health problems. could this be genetic somehow? did i flip a switch in my brain that can never be turned off? do you guys have any insight into this? i've tried probably a dozen anti-depressents since this happened and none of them have any effect. i feel like such a freak for not liking pot because it seems like every normal person around me loves it.... (haven't used pot for almost a year now, but the mental stuff still haunts me everyday just as bad as the first night it happened). any insight anyone has is greatly appreciated. thanks.
Wow man that's some serious stuff. Sometimes when i smoke i can become very self critical, but i use it as ways to improve myself, set goals etc. Also next time you smoke think about your life in general and how wonderful living is, be happy for every moment you have. It's all about the mood your in...if you go in paranoid that's how it will always be. You just need to take a couple hits, sit back, and RELAX