long-distance relationships... anyone in one?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by imyourcat, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. #1 imyourcat, Nov 16, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2011
    I've been with my girlfriend for about a month now. We live a little over 3 hours apart and usually see each other every other weekend. When we are apart we rarely talk besides the odd text here and there.

    Sometimes I want to call her so badly or text her just so I can here from her but I resist because I don't want to seem needy or desperate. I think we've only had around 5 conversations on the phone and the majority were made from me to her.

    She tells me she misses me and thinks about me but she doesn't seem to care whether she talks to me for weeks at a time though. She's very strong-willed and sometimes I feel like she feels the same as me and doesn't want to come across as desperate.

    Other times I feel like she doesn't think about me and that if I didn't make the effort to talk to her she wouldn't bother. I called her tonight and I won't see her for another week and a half so I'm going to ignore her and see if she contacts me.

    I'm just a little upset because I don't want to waste my time with her if things don't work out. I won't get to see her for the next week and a half, if I even see her then, and my fire chief wants to sign me up for schooling every weekend for the next 6 months and I don't know if I will be able to see her.

    How do you guys handle this shit? I care so much for this girl it's hard being so far away...
  2. long distance, you mean?
    no, but i know a couple who did that exact thing for more than a year
    then he went to france and dipped her for this other chick but then he came back and was like nuhhh i want you
  3. #3 retreat, Nov 16, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2011
    Sounds like you are either in love or lust? Which is it? Only you can know!

    Sounds more like love, if you just want to hear her voice!

    Could be she wants more from you and is playing hard to get. If you are a fireman, you need a strong self willed woman with a life-to live through the long hours at work you will have. Not to mention the risk!

    Take a second look at this. Follow your heart and just do what feels natural. If she thinks of you as too needy or annoyed, back off! You need to know and not waste several years of your young life!

    Since you have "Im Your Cat" with a cat avatar, I'd guess you are too docile! Unusual for a fireman!
    If your heart is telling you: She is the one! You need to come clean with her that you need her because you love her. If you don't love her-break it off!

    The old saying, "Absense makes the heart grow fonder, doesn't last!' If you really don't like someone, you won't miss 'um! I know!

    Be open and honest. Ask her if she misses you! Ask her to phone you more often. She won't know what you need, if you don't speak up. By then, she may move on! If she does and you have spoken, you will save a great deal of time and yearning! You will survive this! Good Luck!
  4. My girl lives in W.V. and im in California, it sucks bad, but it'll be worth it when were together. Been long distance for like 3 years now :(
  5. Yeah but I can't help but cheat, she's 'gone' in my head now. It DOES not work long distance.
  6. I hated long distance - seeing eachother once in awhile is nice though.
  7. #7 imyourcat, Nov 16, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2011
    I'm not sure which one it is...

    She could very well want more from me. I think this is part of the reason but I want more from her too.

    I want to but it's hard. I want to tell her how much I miss her right now and I don't even know when I will be able to see her again. When we talked on the phone she ended the conversation saying she needed to make some dinner. I assumed she would throw in a "I'll call you this weekend" or "I think I'll be able to come see you this..." but she didn't. She only told me about her friends birthday and how she plans on celebrating it this coming weekend. Which means she'll be out at a club drinking or something.

    I guess you could say I'm somewhat docile but she definitely doesn't control me or anything...

    Yeah. I'm sure she misses me and thinks about me but she doesn't like admitting shit like that. She's already talked about next summer and how she can't wait to hang out on the lake again and go skiing. She also wanted to go on a trip down south with me.

    I just wish she would be open with me. She could tell me anything, break down and cry, whatever and I would still feel the same. I feel like she holds things back too because she doesn't want to seem weak.. I dunno, she's confusing the hell out of me.

    I can't help but think things aren't going to work. The school thing just has me down. I can't imagine not seeing her for 6 months. And the worst part is that she wanted to come up and see me last weekend but I made plans to go out with my friends. I ended up dancing with a couple girls. One of them started grinding up on me and shit and out of nowhere she jammed her tongue down my throat. We kinda kissed a little but then I pulled back and thought wtf am I doing...

    I've been regretting not seeing her last weekend and on top of that, the thought of not seeing her for 6 months is getting me down.
  8. I'm in one.. I live in Oregon and my boyfriend lives in Seattle. We've been dating for a little over a year. It's so hard, and I have no idea when we are going to be together again, but I know he's the love of my life. We've had small problems in the past and have taken a break, but right now we have been going strong for awhile.

    And you could keep going strong too if you really care about her.
  9. im in one for about a year now im in the next state over and am in college but i love her so EVERY weekend i take a 3 hour bus to be with her for 3 days but still i agree its hard :/
  10. Hey there IYC, You can't chase off someone you've if you don't take a risk! Right now, she is chasing you off by doing the same! My little dog is saying grrrrah! Meaning, if you have such deep feelings for her, why would you not let her come and visit for the week-end, then party with the pals and miss her?

    You two need time together doing some "Talking" instead of whatever you are doing! Is she making those plans for next summer and including or excluding you? Would kinda tell ya if she has You in Her future!

    Any school and being shut in for week-ends, well, just sucks!

    If she is cooking dinner, who is she cooking for? Might be a clue! Since, it seems, clues are all you have to go on!
  12. You are right, a difficult relationship! Seems like she is chasing you off by her impulsiveness in 'showing up' when you already have plans. One thing I know for sure, your friends are usually for life. Love can, come and go. You need your friends and she needs to understand that.

    You two really need a talk. You sound more lonely than love struck!

    You are walking a tight rope here! The only way you will know anything for sure, spill your gutts and ask the questions you need to her. It sounds like she is pretty secure in your relationship with her. You seem to have a problem with her, on her part!

    I believe, from what you have shared! This relationship is a good one for you. You need a strong woman that isn't in your business all the time!
  13. Hey man, I completely feel you with your situation as I've been going through it lately to. Mine's a little different because we've been going out for a little under a year and we did everything together before going off to college, but the distance really changes a lot of aspects in our relationship.

    For one, it's entirely normal to feel what your feeling. I'm going through it to, you would do anything to hear her talk and to just be with her, yet at the same time your subconscious is screaming at you to not do this, as your going to come off as smothering.

    Next time you see her, talk to her! Like not just bullshit talk, talk to her about what she envisions in the relationship. Some girls enjoy independence, and in some cases even though it sucks, it has to be done. You can't be there every step of the way, yet at the same time you should know what is going on with her life. Support her in any way possible, like if she wants to study abroad and get away for a couple months, just be there for her man, you can't control her life. Ask her to call each other every 2-3 days just to see whats going on in each other lives. The only way to make long-distance work is communication and trust, but to much or to little communication can make you come off as distant or smothering, it's almost an art in itself.

    Sounds like you have an independent women, which compared to 99% of the women in this world, your lucky! But at the same time you SHOULD be entitled to hear from her everyday, just don't over do it. Make it a pleasure to talk to her, NOT an everyday chore. Trust me man, you've planted the seed, now you just gotta let it sprout. The only way you can do that is through time and space.

    This might not be exactly what you want to hear, but it's just how these things work. I went through the same thing, I wanted to be there every step of the way, and it just doesn't work that way. You gotta let her do her thing man, and you gotta do yours. Go see your friends, get a gym membership, take up a hobby, study your ass off, I don't know man just get your mind off her.

    I hope this puts things in perspective, it's a tricky situation. If you really love each other things will naturally span out, and seeing her will be that much better. Best of luck man!
  14. You're so right. I really think it's the loneliness that's fueling my emotions. I'm starting to feel a lot better now. I don't have any reason to doubt our relationship besides the lack of contact between visits which is understandable since she is a very independent person.

    When I'm with friends or playing hockey I seem to be fine. It's when I'm alone and my mind kicks it into high gear when I start to feel a sinking feeling and I miss her so much.

    You're also right about her feeling secure, I believe. That would be why she doesn't require constant contact. I guess I don't feel as secure most likely due to my insecurities. I think I'm becoming the problem here and could lead the relationship to destruction.

    Thank you Character and retreat for the input. You helped me put things into perspective.
  15. Please keep us posted! Expect your post when you are lonesome! Guess you just need to pass the time between friends and girlfriend. Hobbies?
  16. [quote name='retreat'] if you have such deep feelings for her, why would you not let her come and visit for the week-end, then party with the pals and miss her?

    I agree with you retreat.

    LDR's are tough shit - but they are even tougher without trust and honesty.

    IMO she kinda got effed over trusting you imyourcat to be with the boys and shit..cuz of you grinding/kissing what i hope are randoms. imyourcat...idk what your status is with this chick now...but were you honest with her about your trip? if so..did she get pissed...if she was upset but got over it then she prolly likes you a lot...but maybe you too aren't a thing to last bc it took you a moment to realize *wtf am i doing* when kissing that chick

    Idk...just seems to me she may actually like you more than you like her...may just be my thinking bc i think that what happened is kind of cheatin a bit...if you were in a relationship at the time...

    I kinda got carried away..

    I think LDR's may work in the beginning but ultimately for the relationship to be long-term long distance has to be ruled out...I know a couple that did long d at first but then couldnt stand it nemore and moved closer to one another...
  17. Thanks for the reply.

    We're still together and things are great. She spent the past 2 1/2 weeks at my place and I'm at her place for the next week. I plan on moving to her city in September for school. I never told her about that night. It was just a kiss. I didn't want to cause problems over something so stupid that I truly regretted and would never do again. This girl is amazing :)
  18. Glad to hear things ended up working out for you and her.

  19. Jealous...very jealous of you right now.

  20. Also jealous.

    I'm in a long distance relationship as well, 1451 miles between us. Who knows when we'll meet again. But we have really great communication and our love is very strong. Were hoping to close the distance in 6 months. So glad youre relationship worked out.

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