little rap/video i made

Discussion in 'General' started by kushkrusher, Aug 27, 2012.

  1. I already posted this in the music section, i just thought i'd drop it off here too for those of u that dont go in there often.

    i wrote the lyrics, filmed & edited the video, its the yonkers instrumental by tyler the creator.
    this is my fourth song i've wrote, first video I've made.
    its not finished as u can tell my lips aren't moving to the words in the song for the first minute or so, but i go to jail tomorrow for 20 days for some stupid shit so i thought I'd share it on youtube & with yall...
    so if u wanna critic it go ahead and message me on here, just dont critic the parts i obviously already know are off. thanks

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVDihFkmiuM&feature=plcp"]slc zombie walk rap to yonkers beat - YouTube[/ame]
     
  2. Horrible.
     
  3. ^ it just flat out sucks? can u be specific? what would u do to make it better? lyrics? editing? filming?
     

  4. im going to be brutally honest here.....
    and likely going to sound like an ass

    everything
    could barely understand you, heard way to many slang words, did not like what beat/sound/whatever was used on background on ridiculous repeat
    filming was ok, but made no sense (didnt go with music, couldnt understand you so no lyrical/video reference)
    lyrics seemed very stereotypical (for what could be understood)

    just my 2 cents and my personal opinion, trying to give helpful criticism (though it may seem harsh)
     
  5. It was ok. Not a fan of the beat. Edited kind of like a mac miller video. Not a bad job on that. Your delivery could've been a little better, seemed a little forced. Not bad tho :smoke: and yes it was kind of stereotypical of music that's goin around but not always a bad thing
     
  6. is this a joke? not too be rude but is it? i couldnt be more confused.
     

  7. word thanks for being honest...
     
  8. Your mic presence, flow, delivery, and overall comfort level/'swagger' needs work. It sounds like you're just talking to the microphone, not delivering some rhymes to a big group of fans.
    Also, add a reverb to the vocals. They sound dry.

    Looks like you're having fun and enjoying yourself, and that's all that matters though. If you want to make a better product though (constructive) criticism is always helpful.
     
  9. keep doin what you do man..

    i cant listen to it cause i dont got sound.. but atleast youre not an arrogant asshole and you take criticism well. dont give up and youll get better
     
  10. Everything needs to be elevated. Flow/delivery, lyricism/wordplay, creativity.
     
  11. christian rap sounds better than this shit so fuck you. here's a sick freestyle i made,

    god my savior, xavior,
    yonkers, smokin weed from the garden
    of eve
    holy bible, call the 5-0
    call this a diss
    bitch, two cocks
    one in my butt
    one in my mouth
    in god we trust
    so i tend to thrust
    so much something comes out,
    most likely puss
    as god as my witness, ur raps whack
    i wack off to shit like that
     
  12. lmao dude are you fucking kidding me hahah ^ you gotta be trollin
     
  13. We can only hope ^
     
  14. Being 100% brutally honest, this pains me to watch.

    You need to work on flow and lyricism before you work on anything else. Editing was fine but the video didn't really go anywhere. Good luck to you, if you are passionate about it then you can go very far.
     
  15. the best music comes from artists who put the listener in their head. think about who you are and how you view everything around you. give us something that is uniquely you and why rap is the only way you can express it.
     
  16. I enjoyed it
     
  17. Damn man thats just hurtful
     

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