little poem i wrote. (tripping on mushrooms, of course)

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by J Dylan, Feb 7, 2009.

  1. #1 J Dylan, Feb 7, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2009
    "Everything's Okay"

    reflections, staring back at me
    audio projections, ringing everlastingly
    it's hard to understand our minds
    in this rift of space and time

    incisions, we all separate
    divisions, when will we equate?
    we're basically walking around blind
    in this rift of space and time

    time and time i stop to think
    but as fate should have it am abruptly blinked
    to a memory i didn't try to find
    in a rift of space and time

    for all the time i've dedicated
    to enlightenment and a higher state
    i wonder now; was it all a waste?
    when did 10 years from now turn into today?

    questionable conclusions continously made
    delusions will surely lead us astray
    away from the solution to a better day
    forever blinded by the illusion, "everything's okay"
    __________________________________________________________________________
    EDIT: new little poem. slightly more freely structured and more like a rant with carefully chosen words. haha.

    titled... hmmmm... i dunno. titled "The Hook"

    sincerity is missing, priorities are misplaced.
    if only we were all in it to restore their rightful state—
    just think: we don’t even have to wait.
    It could all begin today, with the birth of a child
    and in our history a new chapter would be filed.
    a new age of parenting. an era of truth
    where the government is trustworthy to even the youth.
    our rebellious cries are not overlooked, just ignored.
    that’s the hook. They know what they took.
    make no mistake:
    the representation of our country will not hesitate
    to lie to our face provided it rubs them the right way.
    Money is problems. The american dream isn’t flawless.
    But there are certainly steps we can take to solve this.



    let me know what you guys think.. if i remember correctly i only spent around 15 minutes writing the whole thing-- but i'm pretty happy with the way it turned out. after some possible slight revision and refinement, i'll probably jam out a tune that i can feel matching these lyrics on my guitar and lay down the vox over it.
     
  2. sex-ee

    i love the line "when did 10 years from now turn into today"
     
  3. thanks for the kind words man.

    i really wish the artist's corner got more visitors... this place is pretty desolate.
     
  4. i love it man

    like obviously i read a lot of amateur poetry whenever I find it on forums and other websites like forums and 95% its crap

    this is seriously good..and I really wouldn't say that if I didn't think it's true. It's actually not cookie cutter crap which so much poetry is
     
  5. this is a cool piece..i like the tone it sets.

    my fav stanza
     
  6. wonderful man...

    you have talent!
     
  7. Nice piece my friend.
     
  8. thanks a lot guys!

    i've always loved writing in general-- it's only in the last 6 months or so that i've really started to love writing poems and rhyming.
     
  9. love.

    we're basically walking around blind
    in this rift of space and time
     
  10. good shit! reminds me of when i was freestyling on shrooms, made it flow and fall together so perfectly.
     
  11. i'm glad you guys like it. thanks for the compliments!:smoke:
    figured i'd bump this since i just added the second poem.
     
  12. Hell yea, im diggin it man.. keep it up, +rep
     
  13. great stuff man you've got skills.
     
  14. Brilliant ! :hello:
     
  15. Add some industrial beats and you've got a hit song!


    with me atleast!!!
     
  16. Both really great and inspiring, i especially love the second one, keep doin what your doin man :hello:
     

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