**List of 8 people to watch out for at your next party**

Discussion in 'General' started by bummember, Jun 7, 2009.

  1. Throwing a party is a lot of work, so it's a real disappointment when somebody you invited ruins it. Here's 8 types of people to watch out for before you make your next invite list.

    8. Person Who Insists On Cleaning Up YourParty While It's Still Going On


    WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: Right in front of you, asking if your drink is finished. Or, methodically moving through the party with a white trash bag and a look on their face as if they've been hunting Osama Bin laden for the last 6 years and have narrowed down his whereabouts to somewhere in this party.

    WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: Drinking a beer, much like sex, is far less enjoyable when someone is asking you if you're finished every five minutes. It's great that they want to help you clean up, but if you've decided to have a party, you've already resigned yourself to the fact that when it's over, your house is going to probably look like the bathroom that Cary Elwes and Danny Glover woke up in, in the first Saw movie. I wonder if these people also decide to wipe their ass in the middle of taking a shit, just to “cut down on the work that has to be done when it's all over!”



    WHERE YOU WILL FIND HIM: Right by the fridge, bro, cause that's where all the beer is!

    HOW HE WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: From the moment this guy shows up, everything he says has an exclamation point at the end of it. “This party rules, dude!” “I am ready to party TO-night!” “Let's shotgun these, bro!” “Tits!” Then, one hour and 13 beers later this guy is incoherent, weaving on his feet and saying stuff like “Paartyyyygjlskdvm…” So, instead of kicking back and hanging out with your friends, you have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn't puke on your couch, piss in your plants or crap on your coffee table.

    6. Person Who Only Knows You


    WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: About two feet to the right of you, standing silently, staring at either you or the person you're talking to.

    WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: You invited them because during the four and a half minutes a day you talk to them at work, they seem pretty cool and/or really enjoy the impression you do of a fellow coworker. Except as soon as they get to your party, they tense up like Alex Rodriguez's asshole during a game in October. You have two options at this point, 1) entertain them and include them in every conversation you have the entire night, like they're your wife or husband even though you probably don't know their last name, or 2) leave them on their own which leads to them standing in a corner by themselves, staring at you, causing your friends to ask you “I think that dude in the corner is planning on raping you.”


    WHERE YOU WILL FIND HER: She's usually holed up in the bathroom (taking up valuable toilet space) with three of her bestest girlfriends-all three of whom are overweight.

    HOW SHE WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: The worst part is that this girl isn't crying because her parents just died or she lost a limb. She's sobbing into a fistful of tissues because she always needs to be the center of attention. If everyone's not focused on her and all her problems, she just starts crying louder about her job or some lame guy who won't date her or how fat her friends are. This means you either sit there and let her bring down the vibe of your party or you take her outside and listen to her whine about absolutely nothing. If possible, pair her up with the super wasted guy. She'll think he's listening and he'll think he's going to score.

    4. Person Who Just Got Dumped By Their Girlfriend/Boyfriend

    WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: In any corner where they were able to trap and force someone to listen to them talk about how they “don't know what happened,” and how it “seemed like things were fine and then all of a sudden she just said that she thought that we were different people now. What does that even mean? Do you know, because I sure as fuck don't! I just miss her so much. My name's Brian by the way.”

    WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: If I wanted people to get depressed as fuck at my party, I'd screen a copy of Schlindler's list. The problem with these people is, they don't care who they talk to, and no excuse you give will stop them from talking to you. “Hey, I gotta run to the bathroom,” “No worries, I'll just wait for you until your done, unlike my EX girlfriend, who wouldn't wait no matter HOW important it was to go to the bathroom and would just leave you with NOTHING while you were in there.”

    3. Creepy Dude Who Tries To Bang Chicks At The Very End Of The Party


    WHERE YOU CAN FIND THEM: Towards the end of the party, he'll be wherever he hears the words “I can't believe my friends left without me, they were my ride!” or “I'm so (hiccup) fucked up (hiccup) I gotta lay down or something.”

    WHY THEY WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: There's a reason why this dude waits till the end of the party to try and score; he's way too fucking creepy to do so when someone isn't in some sort of desperate situation. Thus, although he's there because he's either family, a neighbor, or someone else invited him, you now have to hope to God he doesn't take advantage of someone at your party, otherwise your party will not be remembered as “That Fourth of July Party at Bill's house,” and instead be remembered as “that party at Bill's house where that creepy guy tried to fingerbang Michele while she was puking.”

    2. Couple Who Brings Their Baby


    COUPLE WHO BRING THEIR BABY: Off to the side, on their knees, pleading with a 6 month old child to stop screaming or right next to you, asking you where he can dispose of a shit filled diaper.

    WHY THEY WILL RUIN THEIR PARTY: Nothing says party like the sound of a screaming child and the stench of talcum powder and baby diarrhea! If there was a dude puking, shitting and crying at your party, would you be cool with that? No, you'd either be like “Who the fuck brought this guy?” But if you say that about a baby suddenly that makes you an asshole. Meanwhile, the party sucks because everyone is being super cautious and attentive to the baby, as if the other 99% of the time that they're not there the baby is barely eluding death due to unsupervision.



    WHERE YOU WILL FIND HIM: At the beginning of the night he usually stands right next to the front door where he overtly shows off his political button or T-shirt that says something like “Once You Go Barack, You Won't Go Back” or “McCain = McStupid.” Then, after everyone shows up, he stealthily mingles from group to group while nonchalantly dropping lines like “Did you see what those fatcats tried to pull?” anytime there's a lull in the conversation.

    HOW HE WILL RUIN YOUR PARTY: No one in the history of parties has ever changed their political beliefs based on some asshole screaming about health care reform in the kitchen of a two bedroom apartment. His endlessly tiresome factoids and statistics about how much oil we consume and how the death penalty doesn't work will make your guests either leave or kill themselves where they stand.

    So thats it, if you have any extas post em, and ill post some close seconds later
  2. How about all the annoying alcoholics that do nothing but stupid shit all night? Usually thats 99% of the crowd
  3. yea you really cant get away from them so im trying to pinpoint the ones that you can avoid
  4. Lol funny stuff.
  5. So where did you copypasta this from?
  6. I hate beer sluts/sluts who try to mooch your weed.

  7. Thats what makes the party awesome! haha.

    Me n my homie (he use to live in my town, but then moved 8 hours away) got hammered last weekend... we went to a party and being the responsible people we are, we walked to the place he was staying at for the weekend while he was up here... well it was only a 15 minute walk to the house from the party... but it took us an HOUR AND A HALF. We walked the wrong way..... twice.

    But hey, thats what happens when you drink for 5 hours and kill way more alcohol then you should... THEN play beer pong. :laughing:

    god was that a good night :D

    This was a bomb ass post, haha, i had to laugh at some of them +rep for you my good sir
  8. last night there were two new ones

    1. the ultra rich kids from fuckin rhode island who all wear polo shirts and sandals and are homos

    2. the, uh, *insert euphemism for 'poor' here* kids who fuck everything up and start shit

    3. oh ya and of course theres always the people who are like 'oh you got buuuuudz? let me get a hit, dude'
  9. Funny shit, where'd you find it? I pulled a #7 a few times haha.....bad times.
  10. My best friend sent it to me as an email and we laughed over this shit for a while. I thought the City would enjoy it. Idk where the fuck he got it
  11. thread=epic proportions of lol

    i'm kinda like the clean up guy when i'm on adderal or the guy who gets wasted in an hour

  12. #3 the moochers

    I hate those people. I tell them if they don't have nothing to throw in they might as well get the fuck out. Seriously.. I hate em.
  13. Funny stuff. Usually true, too.. you can always pick these ones out. But I'd totally let that crying girl cry all she'd like to.

    In my lap. With the door closed. Naked.
  14. AFD, i think he meant people who get so drunk that they start breaking shit and start fights for no reason. Not just getting lost and doing funny dumb shit. Everyone loves a dumbass, to an extent.

    And I'm willing to help out anyone who doesn't have weed and who seems like a cool ass person, but anyone who comes up to me and the first thing out of their mouth is "Wanna smoke?", yet they have no weed.... those are the people who need to find the door.
  15. I'm usually the quiet guy in the group, but I'll be sure to include myself in activitys and such to have fun, I just don't yap my mouth a mile a minute.

  16. i kinda like having the first guy though, saves me cleaning up time ^_^
  17. haha yea sometimes. thats why the clean up guy rolled up at #8
  18. Bingo. Im talking about the dumbasses who think it would be a good idea to break into your neighbors car while being insanely loud about it. My friends once got busted because as they were walking to their spot, some idiots they were with were yelling their lungs out about weed. It was late at night so it was pretty obvious that when walking next to a neighborhood, you dont yell to your friend about rolling a joint
  19. I'd been the guy who gets wasted in an hour many times before I went to college and learned my limits better. :(

    I never puked or made a mess anywhere though, just quietly made a nest out of something and passed out in a corner.
  20. Yeah man, if the cleaning type can keep it under control then he/she is one of my favorite people at the party. That's cuz I'm usually hosting though and I get tired of people with no consideration for the place they're throwing down at.

    I think there should be a type called desperately horny guy. He follows any potential female around the entire night, high fiving them and hugging them when he feels it's appropriate. When nothing happens later that night, the next day he goes on and on about how he could've gotten laid if he wanted to. Unfortunately, this shit straight derails parties sometimes as it's a line of sausage links chasing after a few girls the entire night instead of just having a good time.

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