Lately, I've felt my life just slipping away. I've fallen behind in school, I don't talk much with my friends anymore (Hell, there's one or two people I would still call friends), the only family I ever talk to are my parents, who I despise, and I find myself depressed and ultimately alone. It's like I let my life slip away from me and I can't get control back. Idk why I'm posting this, maybe I just need someone to listen while I let some things off of my chest. I used to have things in my life that made it enjoyable, but now I find myself smoking to numb my senses and help get me through the day. It's like I don't have a purpose anymore.
I used to feel this way too, but then I went and got some real problems. Now I pine for my care free days of feeling sorry for myself for no particular reason.
2pac- "my only fear of death is coming back reincarnated" When I die. I want to come back reincarnated as an angel, so I can spread the message of Love to the physical world and they can believe me, I show them magic powers, ill turn water to wine and walk on water, lol, heal the sick and feed the poor.. I just want love for everything. Like transcend from heaven back to reality to help... if thats even possible. sounds like a prefect dream. Pure energy, pure consciousness, pure love. No prejudice, only desire for love.
Hey OP, we're in similar shoes, life can suck and ultimately everyone is alone no matter what they tell you. It is just nice to have them while you can. All you really have is yourself. It is not easy to get the control back and I am still struggling with that too. But one thing is you got to keep trying to regain control as difficult as it is to bring yourself to do it. If you don't try it would only continue it's downward spiral. I got myself to pretty much a situation where if I don't do something about it my options would be so terrible I would rather kill myself or try to get out of the hole I dug. Don't let yourself fall to such a depth before you do something, it gets exponentially harder to get out if you wait too long.
Just be thankful for what you got brah. A big chunk of our brothers and sisters in less fortunate countries can't even begin to fathom what posting a thread to vent in an internet forum like GC is. They're more worried about how they're gonna eat their one (if any) meal tomorrow. And don't say you hate your parents! just sayin
Truth^^ and as much as you might not like to hear it, you need to lay off the weed until you get into a better place....smoking can bring you down when youre down ...people need Tbreaks sometimes. Just do it. Also, set small goals and attain them...you have to start somewhere. Once you start meeting those, youll find your way back up.
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my parents and I'm not here to complain (all that much). I had a good thing going being a middle class kid enjoying his last year of highschool, but I let friendships deteriorate, got so far behind in school that I had to take an incomplete, and on top of it all I have about 80 pounds to loose. I've had some really dark thoughts, even with my anti depressants, and I'm not feeling like myself at all. I don't remember what It's like to be happy or even to enjoy doing something I once loved. I don't think I deserve the Thanksgiving break my school gives. I don't think I deserve to enjoy the rest of my life for ruining my chances at an academic scholarship. I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't kill myself and let my parents live with that shame.
I'm on the same boat man.. the only thing that has kept me going is the friend's that are there to try to keep me sane. My health has hit the fan from too much drinking the past few years, and it has really spiralled me into a deep depression. The shitty part is suicide is practically pointless since I'll probably be dead soon anyways. The best method is to learn to be optimistic. It really is good for your mental health, and can help change physically as well by acheiving goals/tasks you set for yourself.
You need to tell your psych people about this immediately. Ive dealt with this shit for 20 plus yrs..Im bi-polar. Seriously, there IS something out there that can help you turn it around. If I wouldnt have kept trying, I definitely wouldnt have been able to be teaching for the past 13 yrs w/an M. Ed. degree. Get in touch with somebody and work it out...It IS possible to feel yourself again. Remember that. You have to take the steps to DO it though.
