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Life sucks

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by mimomontalvo, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. well imo anyways.....


    i dont think ive hated life more than the past few years. I cant remember the last time i was happy or woke up feeling optimistic about anything. My girfriend is scum, yet im trapped becuase i made the mistake of having a child with her. Of the fours years ive been with her shes had 2 jobs thast lasted a gran total of 3 months. How about that. She always lies to me, tries to hide certain people from me(myspace immaturity). We always argue. We dont have sex. We dont do anything.

    I want to leave but itd be a knife to heart financially, but i just dont know if i cant take it anymore. Ive never felt so miserable in my entire life. Theres no worse feeling in the world than hopelessness. All of my close firends have either moved away or joined the military. I have no one to talk to. It really fucking sucks, its taking a huge toll on my mental heatlh. Ive always suffered from anxiety, but now its to the point where i cant fight it off to try and get out there in the world.

    Sometimes i feel like the only way out is a bullet the temple. Im so lost right now in life.

    im sorry i f i posted this in the wrong section, i just needed to get some shit off my chest before it poisons me inside.
     
  2. Wow, man, that's an intensely honest post.

    Tell me more about your kid. Do you have a daughter or a son? Do you derive any joy from knowing that you're probably the biggest part of their life?

    I really cannot relate to what it must be like to be in a relationship where the commitment is not to one another, but from something between the two of you. I have to say that you have a lot of respect for me that you're sticking it our for your child's interests.

    Sounds like you need to make some positive changes for yourself, which can be difficult to do. Do you have any hobbies? Any interests? Anything you used to do and can't find the time or energy for anymore?

    I've been going through some significant changes in my own life in the last few weeks, and even the last few months. Some really positives, some really negative. I'm not in a place I'm totally happy with either, but I'm actively making progress towards the changes will likely improve things. It's a lot of work.

    I really can't offer you much advice, because I don't know you or your situation very well. You should know that things do get better if you have the strength and energy to move in that direction.
     
  3. Man I know how the road gets bumpy. What got you through when someone used to knock you down at recess? Find that inner fight, not the anger, but your will to not give up. When you have it, don't let it go. Maintain that purity and pursuit of your achievement of happiness. You will have so many more doubts and hurdles but just observe them like you're standing 2 million miles away, and you're just viewing them as they pass through. Its not forever, so don't give in. When you do feel down, ask yourself, what am I really feeling? What is that? Wheres it coming from? Where do you feel it at? Try to look at it closer and closer, and the more you do and really try to observe it, the more it disappears. Sneaky sneaky. Don't run from it or you'll be running the rest of your life and thats tiring, embrace it.

    I had an ex girlfriend that used to do the myspace and consumating.com thing and I eventually had to have it cease altogether because too many shady things occur that stretch the lines of emotional affairs / cheating. I definitely believe in relationships having emotional affairs too and I hated it. It all gets blurry and messy. Definitely get counseling with her though and if you guys arent meant to be and you cant get it to work, then focus on your happiness combined with your childs happiness. You can be happy man and be a positive influence on your childs life!

    And you always got interesting people to talk to here. :wave:
     
  4. I have a daughter, shes 2. Any feeling of happiness i have around my child usually only last so long before everything just comes crashing down to reality.

    I used to have a lot of hobbies prior to this relationship. Always exercise, do constructive things on thew weekends. Now im just slowly waiting for my life to pass me by. the worst part is im only 22, but it feels like the end of the line.

    Some of my best friends have moved very far away. For me its the hardest thing. Most people try to be around those closest to them whenever they have problems. I cant even do that anymore. The anxiety doesn't exactly help my cause either.

    Whenever i try to be positive about my own life, it just never seems to work when "she" is around.
     
  5. here we are, we arent going anywhere, the life that sucks can be altered by the mind that perceives
     
  6. That's beautiful, brother. You have a real gift. She is lucky to have a daddy that cares. I don't have any kids of my own, but a good number of nieces and nephews that absolutely illuminate my life when they are around.

    Soon she is going to be at an age where she can appreciate the greater world. It might not be any consolation for the moment, but soon you're going to have a lot of opportunities to teach her about the world and do your best to show it to her. Shit - it makes me excited to think about all the amazing times you have ahead with your daughter.

    You have more responsibilities than most 22 year olds, I'll grant you that. You're far from the finish line, though.

    It's tough to give you suggestions, because I don't know you at all. Maybe volunteering is something you're interested in? Habitat for Humanity comes to mind. Maybe there are local charities in your area. It might really help to give you a sense of purpose and productiveness that you seem like you're not feeling right now.

    There's a lot of options. Gardening is a big one, maybe urban farming. You could get into art, maybe start painting or sculpting. There are usually classes you can take, meet people through.

    I think you need an outlet - a way you can feel happy on your own without your girlfriend.
     
  7. #7 Mairuzu, Jan 27, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2010
    Join the Military?
     

  8. Just ask yourself what you need to be happy and then work towards it. Be honest and don't hold back. Sounds to me like you need to dump your girlfriend. Just because you dump the girl doesn't mean the child is out of your life. I don't know the answer but I am sure you either know already or it is somewhere in your subconscious. Life can easily get really confusing and miserable quickly and you just need to learn to observe your situation and make small steps to pull yourself out of it. Don't worry about your girlfriend she is not your responsibility. The only responsibility you have is yourself, your child, and the rest is what you want it to be don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
     
  9. Sounds like the knife is already there. Are you saying she'll get you for child support, or is there more to it?

    You've got to get out of this relationship. You can fight to get joint custody, then maybe there'll be no child support. Either way, you can't let money keep you in this situation. I would think it'd be better for your daughter to have divorced/separated parents than to live in a house where the parents are always fighting.

    Anyway, try not to let your external situation define your happiness. Try to be positive from within knowing that you care for your daughter and want to provide the best life possible for her and yourself. You've got to stick around for her.

    "This too shall pass."
     
  10. more than likely.....im not against child support, but its heartbreaking when they try to abuse it and throw it in your face as if they have the upper hand.


    it hurts like hell man...
     
  11. Yeah, it sucks that the woman automatically gets the child and the guy gets screwed.

    But maybe you can get joint custody. If your girl doesn't have a job and can't prove she can support a child, then maybe the court will give you the child.

    You've got to do what's best for you because that will probably also be what's best for your daughter.
     
  12. #12 frankincense, Jan 27, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2010


    I feel ur pain man, i have been going through it pretty bad myself the last 3 years. I met a girl 2 years ago who i still love, she just gave birth to my son 2 weeks ago. I havent even seen him yet. We were living together, but she kicked me out on my ass with no where to go. We were having fights about dumb shit and she didnt want accept her responsibility in the disagreements likeeverything was on me. I had to move back to my parents to try to get my life back, just happens to be 3000 miles away from her. I wake up everyday to what feels like my own personal nightmare, like i am trapped. I know what u mean about the hopelessness, i want to work it out with her to raise our son together, but she wont even hear it. I dont even know what to do... i know it hurts bad...


    edit: i'm not tryin to garner sympathy from anyone, just want u to know ur not alone man.
     
  13. yeah she doesn't work.

    She got fired for using myspace at her workplace, good paying job too, and she threw it away after 3 months. So ive been doing everything alone for almost the entire 4 years and im sick to death of not feeling proud of it. Honestly, i feel as if shes been using me the entire time. At one point she even started stealing money from my bank account about a year and a half ago.

    Her family always looks down on me as if im the bad guy or something. I hate them, i just want out.
     
  14. #14 mimomontalvo, Jan 27, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2010
    im not either, i just need to talk about it.it actually helps me feel better. i dont really have anyone i can relate to where im at. it tough...just hoping for the best
     
  15. I feel your pain brother. I've been through this before, but not with your wife of course, but with my wife.

    Long story short, we're still together, and we're living in peace... with two kids.

    I tell you, at the moment, you might think GETTING THE FUCK OUT is the best option, but trust me, it's not.

    That's all I can say...

    Oh, one last thing.

    Decide if you're going or staying. Decide carefully, but decide now.

    Then stick to your decision.
     
  16. Enlighten me man, i like to hear everyones point of view, i realize that everyone deals with these things differently.

    to me its probably the hardest thing ive come across. Like a crossroad in my life. Though im still trying to deal with it atm.
     
  17. Very good. At least you know exactly what you're problem is. It's the crossroad.

    The crossroad can be tough... real tough... it tests your strength... it pushed your patience... it puts you at the limit of your ability to stay sane.

    You're thinking should I go left, should I go right?

    What will happen if I go left... what will happen if I go right... and thinking this, your brain fries... sizzle........

    Now you ready to listen to me?

    Fucking GO ALREADY!!

    Left, or right, just GO!

    Stop prolonging the pain!!

    Don't TRY to deal with it, DEAL WITH IT.

    Trust me, either way, it's better than the crossroad. Go left, say goodbye to your wife and kid and start a new life. Go right, you stay with your wife and either be her bitch or make her your bitch.

    Either way, you will be FAR better off than being where you are right now, and right now you're in HELL, my friend.
     
  18. It's been one year since my last black out.

    A black out is when your body systematically shuts down in order to stop yourself from thinking.

    First comes the 'chocking' sensation. As if you got rope around your neck. And it squeezes in slowly until your eyeballs are ready to pop out.

    Then comes the snap. It snaps, and you stop thinking about the divorce and the children...

    Then everything becomes black... then white...

    Your brain has over-heated from thinking so much in circles, going around and around, playing the same torturing scenarios between two most unbearable conditions, which you can't accept neither of.

    Divorce, or Living with her.

    You can't get divorce coz you can't stand being divorced, and you can't stay with her either coz you can't stand her also!

    It leaves no place for you to just sit down and breath... relax... and be calm...

    You torture yourself with these horrific images of yourself divorced... and on the other side, you get the picture of your equally horrible wife!

    You have to stop it, or your body will stop it for you. It cuts off the blood supply to your brain, making you faint temporarily because if you had kept on thinking, you would have gone mad!

    I know the crossroad. I know how difficult it is.
     
  19. You have to realize, that whatever you're doing, you're doing it yourself. All the good things. All the bad things. They happen because you caused them.

    Whether you stay, or go... nobody's forcing you to get divorced, or nobody's forcing you to stay married.

    Married to who, is not the question, my troubled friend...

    The question is, what are you going to do?
     
  20. By looking at the fact that you're suffering over this, I can tell you are a sensitive guy. And wise too.

    Usually people just get drunk or get divorced. They say "The heck with it!" and they throw away the marriage like a pair of old shoes.

    Don't.

    You must be strong and keep your family. The only thing worth living for and dying for.
     

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